Backlash - Redemption
by Djuva
Summary: What-if relating to my story Backlash. Roj Kell makes a fatal decision that puts him at the Jedi's mercy. But his ego is not the only thing suffering from that loss of freedom and power.
1. Sacrifices

Redemption

Backlash - Redemption

This is a What-if relating to my story Backlash. 

It was inspired by PadawanElf and Element, who are both fervent supporters of happy endings, and Butler, the Lightsider. Hope I got that right, guys. The setting is three years after Roj Kell's escape from Coruscant.

They had found refuge on Alderaan and somehow Belana could feel that her companion was more at ease here. Strange as it was, sometimes even that smile of his seemed genuine, not just a mockery of something more. And yet, the events of Coruscant still loomed over both of them like stormclouds bearing the seeds of doom. And Belana Jen knew that her friends would not give her up that easily. But neither would her enemy. No, they would find a way to free her. She still shuddered at the memory of the seduction, her first lesson and what had followed. Three years had passed since she had left the Jedi Temple quite involuntarily. Three years of torment had followed. And yet, the way Roj Kell treated her was not one of brute power, but rather a continuation of the spell he had put on her back in his prison on Coruscant. Belana had no trouble identifying that particular problem. Fact was though, that she saw no way out, even if she had wanted to escape.

"Belana."

His voice was oh so soft, a mild caress and yet so powerful. She turned toward him with a smile on her face, but his pale green eyes bore a distant look, seemingly not noticing her at all.

"Yes, master?"

"Have you ever been to Alderaan before?"

"Yes."

"Then you know the Aldera Memorial Park."

"Yes."

"Good. We will hold the next lesson there."

Belana felt her jaw drop. Was he mad? They could not simply stroll into the park and hope to remain undetected, and he knew that too. No, not mad then. Was he aware that he was giving her an opportunity to betray him and escape for good? Propably. Maybe it was supposed to be a test even. She almost panicked. But then, taking a deep breath, she asked him very calmly:

"May I ask what kind of lesson?"

"Decisiveness and selfassurance," he replied sharply and that ironic smile appeared at the corners of his mouth, teasing her. 

You should know your feelings better and control them You have to know what you want. Belana put the stray thoughts aside. He always got to her like that. Always, It was at the same time annoying and humiliating. Still, he was right every time. But how was she supposed to think straight when he was around? She did not have the nerve to examine her feelings toward him, even though that might make things easier. Of course. That was what he wanted. He wanted her to become clear about herself, her teacher and the future. Three years back he had broken her, but apparently a mere puppet was not what he desired. She had to build up her self again and he was surprisingly patient about her progress. No more, it seemed. Why he had chosen Alderaan for this lesson though was beyond her. It was too close to the center, too polpulated for him to hope to remain hidden. The Jedi would no let him escape again. 

"Master," she began timidly.

"What is it?"

"Why Alderaan?"

He hesitated for the merest fraction of a second before answering: "Because I feel safe here."

Looking into her deep dark eyes he could see the surprise at his statement easily. Just as easily as he had followed the reasoning that had led her to the question in the first place. But it was true. There was such peace on Alderaan as he had seldomly known. It reminded him of the past and of something he had lost a long time ago. Something that had come back to haunt him over the last three years. When he had bonded with the Force some thousand years ago in a rite of passage for a magician and High Priest, the Cor'dan, he had given up part of himself to become one with the power of life. That awe-inspiring stream of light had flowed through him, had made him an extension of itself, had created a bond that made him virtually immortal. But the Dark Side had tainted that bond when he had met the Dark Lord Exar Kun. In a foolish move Kell had bonded with the Sith, unaware of the fact that it would upset his inner balance in favor of darkness. He had gotten used to this existence and it had appealed to him too, in a way. Yet it had put severe restrictions on him. He could not turn away from the dark, for he would perish for sure, if he had to bear the full strain of the awesome power of the Force again.

It was a dilemma that had brought him many a sleepless night at Belana Jen's side. He had made her his apprentice and lover those three years back, as punishment for her part in his capture and breaking on Coruscant. Back then the Jedi had tried to uncover information on the Sith from him, which had actually been part of his own plan to weaken his brethren. The plan had failed due to two factors: his then apprentice Kha Door had betrayed him to the Jedi and the Light, and Belana Jen had shown him that he was still more human than he would have thought. She loved him in a strange kind of way, a love she did not even want to admit to herself. And her feelings were in the way of her getting back some of her old self, her vigor and strength. He had felt the sweet light fade ever so slowly inside her soul and he had watched it die with pity. At that moment he had known that her presence and company had not left his heart untouched. Deep down in the darkest corner of his heart he knew that he loved her too, but there was no way he could break through the wall seperating him from his own feelings. No way save one. 

The Aldera Memorial Park was a miniature exhibit of the planet's beautiful groves and Belana was compelled to simply drop down on the soft gras and feel the earth's moisture underneath her fingertips. But she waited patiently until Kell allowed her to take a seat. They had chosen a clearing that was not so overrun by tourists and afternoon strollers and all around moss-covered trees rose into the blue sky. Avians were patrolling the forest roof and filled the air with their calls and chirps. The former Jedi Master took her place opposite from her companion, her legs crossed and her back straight. He was watching her in amusement, but this time there was no malice hidden there. It was slightly uncomfortable for Belana to share such a seemingly normal moment with her new teacher. So far each and every heart-beat of those three years had been filled with dark magic and powerful feelings, nothing as peaceful as this sunny afternoon in a public park. In fact, Belana had never experienced something like this. As a Jedi she had felt the bonds of duty, and even though they had never chafed she had been well aware of their presence.

In a way she longed for this normalcy. And on the other hand reason told her that she was simply drifting, with no goal within reach. She had long given up trying to gain control over the Sith Lord who had become her master and her plans of escape had turned into nothing more than daydreams. Perhaps she should just let go and accept her fate. When his hand reached out suddenly she flinched back, fearing punishment for her stray thoughts. His palm caressed her face gently and she saw him smile slowly.

"Don't, Belana. This is not what you want."

"What?" she murmured, not understanding. Did he mean her fate becoming his?

"Forget I said anything." 

That beautiful voice was incredibly harsh all of a sudden, cutting her open heart and soul. Turning his head away he frowned into the distance and she could see his lips twitch in annoyance. What had she done wrong now? He did not look at her for quite some time and when he finally faced her again his features were as cold as she knew them to be, his eyes as icy as she remembered. He nodded at her and Belana closed her eyes obediently.

Open yourself to the flow, he said inside her head and she fought hard to keep that small opening in her shields to let him watch her progress. Stop. No more. Keep that level up. She did as ordered and waited patiently. After a while she lost track of the time. Suddenly though she could sense his mind slip into hers almost unnoticed, and give a boost to her hold on the Force. Gasping in surprise Belana tried to draw away. This was far too much! But he held her tight. Surrender to the flow, came the master's instruction and Belana gritted her teeth, trying to obey. The ground seemed to open beneath her and then she was falling, falling into the golden light. A dark shadow was racing at her side, but eddies of that golden glow shot through the specter frequently, as if just waiting to break free. Belana stared. Feel the Force, he whispered in her mind and then there was nothing anymore.

Belana slumped forward into his arms and he smiled when he lay her cheek to rest on his right shoulder, cradling her in his protective embrace. She was not used to this, none of the Jedi was, and no Sith either. The first were too cautious, the latter too harsh in their approach. A pity that she was too old to be instructed in the old ways, that she could not be a Cor'dan like himself. Holding her gently he could feel her heart beat against his chest, begging for admittance into his own. But he could not return her feelings, not the way she desired, had hoped for from the very first day of her apprenticeship. They could not get that close, ever.

Breathing in the musky scent of her dark hair he closed his eyes again, focusing on the moment. This is what I want, he thought longingly. Just this, to be, to feel again. Maybe he could resurrect her too, when he returned to the world of the living, and rekindle her flame.

He made his decision then, confident that it was the right choice. There were great risks, true, but he was willing to take them at her side. 

"Belana," he whispered into her ear and she stirred in his arms slowly. Raising her head muzzily she looked up into his eyes.

"That was... beautiful."

"Sith magic, Belana. Who would have guessed?" He chuckled at his own private joke, but a smile was tugging at the corners of her mouth too and made his heart leap higher.

"Why did you not teach me that before?" Now there was a hint of betrayal in her tone.

"Because I will not ever do that. You will have to find another way to regain that feeling."

"The Dark Side?"

"Perhaps, yes."

She wrapped her arms around him suddenly, drawing him closer and his breathing nearly stopped. Was she ware of the feelings she had sparked in him? Or were his shields still able to hold her back? He did not know then if that prospect was not more frightening than laying his trust in her hands.

She was still a bit shaky by the time they had reached their quarters above a small shop at the edge of the city. Dropping down on the bed heavily she noticed that he was still standing at the door, practically bristling with anxiety.The light falling through the blind painted a pattern across his face that looked too much like the bars of a prison. Her breath caught in her throat in a sudden premonition of things to come. But she hesitated in warning him. If she told him of her vision they would be forced to leave this magical place. And they would lose the moment. But if they stayed... 

"Belana, you will wait for me here. Meditate on the lesson and don't leave the house. Clear?"

She simply nodded and watched the door close behind him. Drawing up her knees to her chin she sighed deeply. Something seemed to have changed. But she could not quite put her finger to it. He seemed strangely thoughtful, not his usual cool and composed self. There was obviously something on his mind. But what? 

They were strolling the boulevard slowly, the tarmac still hot from the days' heat and the sun was glorious flame spreading out along the horizon. Tarla took a deep breath and smiled. At her side Gyro could not shed his perpetual frown. She elbowed him in the side playfully and pointed toward the sunset, wanting him to take notice of it. But the Jedi Knight simply shrugged and looked around instead. Suddenly he froze and grabbed Tarla's arm brutally. She was stopped in midstep, startled. 

"Kell!" he hissed and shook her excitedly.

"What?" She threw a doubtful glance at the passers-by. 

"It was him," he insisted.

"Are you sure?" Tarla frowned into the distance, trying to evaluate the chances of Roj Kell really being on Alderaan.

"Tall, long, black hair, green eyes. It's him. I am certain. Come on, if you don't believe me."

He started dragging her toward the entrance to the public park.

"Are you mad?" Tarla jerked her arm free. "If it is really him I will not try to confront him. And don't even think that I will let you go alone."

"But if he's here..."

"She could be dead by now."

He gave her an odd look: "I would have thought that you would be more enthusiastic about this."

"Maybe I am just afraid of the truth."

Gyro smiled at her roguishly: "Come on. We will keep our distance and besides, it is a good opportunity to test our shields."

"Which didn't help us much the last time either."

"That was three years ago. I am a Knight now and you as good as. And Master Zerkan is in Aldera too. We are safe."

"Noone's safe when that man is around. Don't you remember?"

"I do." His lips compressed in a tight line. "And that is why we must act."

Roj Kell strode through the park purposefully. Keeping an open mind he scanned the surroundings for the presences of other evening strollers and veered off to the right a bit to find a deserted spot deeper in the forest. The shadows of the night were already peeking through the trees, but they could not frighten him. When he had made his choice he had also decided not to tell Belana of his decision. That way he could test her sincerity later on, if he was given the chance. If. With a tiny sigh he stopped and leaned his shoulder against the rough bark of a tall Ontha tree. He could feel the sap pulsing ever so slowly through the trunk, like the heart-beat of the planet. And in a sense it was that too. He could feel it all around. The Force was wrapping him in thick layers of differnt hues and tastes of life in all its variations. And he would give all that up for her. He would. Stroking the tree absentmindedly he raised his head toward the heavens. A long time ago he had made a mistake and now was the time to make it undone. Dropping to his knees he touched the soft grass reverentially and closed his eyes.

"Cor'dan ha undera do'sh unden luz gha motha," he whispered and let his mind follow the echoes, waiting until his thoughts were completely focused. 

The bond was intricate and it would take time to gently dislodge the connections from each other. He searched for the weakest points, hoping to start unraveling the web holding them together from there. Touching the flow he dived deeper into the golden stream and followed the bond quickly. Memories whirled across his inner eye, distracting him, and it became harder to keep focused the deeper he let himself get caught in the web. Finally, when he thought that he would suffocate after all, he had reached the core. Roj Kell almost despaired over the task ahead and the consequences. He would be weakened at a time when the power outlet created by the parting would attract any Jedi roaming the system. But that risk had been taken into consideration and examined closely. The outcome would still be worth it.

"Se'ha sh."

When the web's fibers began dissolving gently he could feel each snapped connection lash back into his body and soul without mercy. Gasping, he dug his fingers in the soft earth, as his hands curled into tight fists. "Se'ha sh," he hissed, repeating the words over and over again in his head.

"What is he doing?"

"I have no idea." Tarla was staring hard at the Sith Lord crouching in the distance, trying hard to see or hear anything.

A gasp at her side brought her head around. Gyro was shaking. "Do you feel that?" he asked, his teeth chattering. The apprentice frowned.

"No," she replied calmly and looked back toward Roj Kell.

She flinched when his body jerked upright and his agonised scream rang through the park's peaceful evening silence brutally. Tarla grabbed Gyro's arm and drew him back. Now she knew what the Jedi Knight had sensed beforehand. It was as if the galaxy's belly had been ripped open to reveal the pulsing light of the Force that made up its entrails. A great wound

that was healing again before Tarla had even become fully aware of it. By that time they were both running. Out of breath they rested out in the street, but both were too agitated to stand still. Tarla was hyperventilating and Gyro wrapped an arm around her soothingly, sending calming thoughts toward her.

"No, what if he-" She tried to fend him off weakly.

"I couldn't care less. We will call Master Zerkan at once."

"Gyro. We have to follow him. Maybe Master Jen is here too."

"You were not so eager a few minutes earlier." He was actually smiling. "Let's go."

Panting loudly he was barely able to keep himself upright and unbidden tears were streaming down his face. He had known that this would happen, so why was he crying now? Biting his lower lip hard Roj Kell was fighting the despair relentlessly. He could not feel a thing. Nothing at all. No, that was not true. There was so much, too much. On another level than before, yet so much stronger. But what he had lost... Don't think about it, he scolded himself viciously. You wanted it and you got it. Be grateful. You are still yourself and you will survive this too. He almost laughed at that thought. With a sigh he rolled over to lie on his back and to look up at the night sky. Happiness. For how long had he denied those feelings, kept them hidden in the darkness? Far too long. Blinking his eyes, suddenly suspicious he noticed that his eyesight was blurry, not as sharp as he was used to. But his hearing seemed more acute. Nothing was filtered out. What a strange sensation. Abruptly he pushed himself up on his elbows and rose unsteadily. Time to go.

Belana stared out of the viewport wide-eyed in the vague direction of the incredible power-source that filled the night with a cold light and eerie shadows. She jumped up from her perch on the bed and pressed her face against the window longingly, trying in vain to find that presence she knew all too well. Had the Jedi found him after all? Her heart clenched in dread. But at the same time she was almost grateful. If he was dead her decisions would become so much easier. He did not care for her the way she dreamed of, she knew, and she always suspected that he was even amused at her barely concealed affections. What had she been thinking by falling in love with him? There was no way she could change him. 

Leaning against the windowframe she sighed deeply. Then, her limbs feeling leaden with sorrow, she turned away to find her duffle-bag. Perhaps she should really leave. For a last time she looked back, tried to find him again. But there was nothing. He is dead, she told herself. And I am free again. But deep down she was well aware of the fact that the past three years had left their marks on her. And Belana was not at all certain that the Jedi would even consider taking her back. The question was, then, did she even want to return to them? Her heart vehemently denied what logic dictated. Of course the Jedi had more resources and information to draw upon, resources that would make her job that much easier. And she wanted to help, wanted to do something. She had seen the darkness and the light and found that both complemented each other. There was no good without evil. There were no Sith without Jedi. Had not her own teacher told her so? And Roj Kell should know. Making up her mind she left, closing the door behind her. Her place was on Coruscant. 

Master Zerkan was so calm as to annoy Tarla with his deliberatly asked questions and soothing words. They had met him at the viceroy's residence where he had been summoned to oversee some trade negotiations and he had not seemed the least surprised at their news. At least he did not show it. He had listened to Gyro's report on how they had discovered the Sith and asked a few sparse questions throughout the follow-up about the strange events in the park. Meanwhile Tarla was practically bouncing up and down in her seat. The viceroy of Alderaan himself had joined them presently and he looked more than a bit concerned. Finally there was someone who recognised how serious a situation this was.

"And this man, is he dangerous?" he asked quietly at last. 

Tarla wanted to give a heated reply - hadn't he been listening? - but Gyro put a hand on her forearm to silence her. Master Zerkan turned toward the monarch slowly and nodded.

"Extremely dangerous, your Highness. I would not advise you to send troops against him. We shall handle this."

"Just the three of us?" Tarla yelped, disbelieving. Zerkan raised his eyebrows coolly as he faced her again.

"Yes. I believe that we do not need to engage him here. That would be foolish. Our primary goal should be to determine whether Belana Jen is with him. If she is, and I dearly hope so, we will free her. Just that. No heroics, no confrontation."

"But-"

"Tarla, he only reacts violently toward provocations. Don't you remember?" Gyro sounded too knowing for the young woman's taste. Shaking her dark head she huffed an indignated sigh and crossed her arms in front of her chest. 

"And besides, Tarla," Master Zerkan put in, "I doubt that the three of us would survive a battle against him." 

"What if he wants to get her back?"

An aide chose exactly that moment to come rushing in, but none of the Jedi even took notice of him. Their eyes were fixed solely on the tall woman who had followed him in and was now standing there at the entrance, a bit timidly. Zerkan rose smoothly, but Tarla felt her jaw drop in astonishment. 

"Master!" she exclaimed and rushed over to take Belana in a tight and wholly undignified embrace.

"I asked around for Jedi and people pointed me here. And look who I found."

Belana's voice was full of warmth and joy, but Tarla could easily sense that there was more hidden behind that sorrowful smile. Regret. Loss. Deepest grieving. Looking up into the older woman's dark brown eyes she asked hopefully:

"Is he dead?"

Immediately the Jedi Master's face turned icy cold. She pushed Tarla away almost brutally and moved to sit down on a chair a bit further away from the rest of the group. She held her head high and turned to look out the window. After a while Zerkan walked over to lay his hands on her shoulders.

"Belana. We are grateful for having you returned to us. We are happy. Can't you feel that?"

"Yes," she answered in a hushed whisper and closed her eyes. Tears began streaming down her face quietly. Tarla felt her own cheeks heaten with embarrassment and despair. She dropped down to kneel in front of her former master and tried to find the other woman's gaze. But Belana looked away again.

"Master, I-"

A hand caressed her face absent-mindedly: "I know you didn't mean it that way."

"Good," the apprentice breathed and a smile lit up her features. "But Gyro and I saw him in the park and - "

That caught her attention: "And what?" The tone was cutting and icy cold and somehow it reminded Tarla of a certain Sith Lord when he was annoyed. 

"He seemed to be in pain."

"Then you didn't fight him... I thought he was dead."

"You too?"

"I cannot feel him anymore. His presence has vanished. I believed that the Jedi had... killed him."

Zerkan barked a short laugh: "Well, we know that he isn't that easily killed. Can you tell me what he wanted here?"

"A lesson."

It was clear that Belana did not want to get too deep into that particluar topic and Zerkan swallowed the rest of the question quickly. Spreading his hands in a soothing gesture he nodded slowly. It took him some time to come up with a new approach.

"Do you feel allright?"

Belana only looked at him and the pain in her eyes was clear for everyone to see. And Tarla was suffering with her. She had always liked the older woman and she had been overjoyed when she had taken her as apprentice after Roj Kell had killed Tarla's original master. They had been about to form a deeper friendship when Belana had been kidnapped by the Sith upon his escape from Coruscant. What he had done to her then the young apprentice could only guess at. She started stroking Belana's hand gently, trying to make her see that she cared for her. Very much so. The Jedi Master smiled gently.

"Thank you," she whispered. Suddenly her head came up to look at Zerkan: "What are you planning to do now?"

"Get you out of here. At once."

"What about Kell?"

"Well, I do not like letting him get away again, but there is nothing we can do about it."

"No? Tarla said that something happened to him, am I right? He could be injured."

"And vulnerable." That from Gyro. Belana gave him a cool look. The young Jedi Knight was completely sincere: "I say we find him and put an end to this chase."

"You really have been looking for me all that time?"

"Three years," Tarla grinned.

"I am impressed."

He stood in the doorway, disbelieving. Still feeling dizzy there was no way he could muster enough strength to shield himself from his emotions. She was gone. Kell walked into the dimly lit room, so bereft of all life, her smile, her warmth, everything he had cherished over the past months. He dropped down on the bed heavily and buried his head in his hands. Belana, he called, but he knew that she could not hear him anymore. Noone could. There was a way, a bond of trust, that could replace the emptiness the Force had left upon leaving him forever. But that bond was so much harder to achieve than learning the ways of the Jedi. Which was why most of them never went that far. Belana was different. She had not tried to hide her emotions, had never been aloof. On the other hand she was a very intelligent and reasonable woman. A creature of logic like himself. Roj Kell groaned silently. Well, that too would no longer be an option for him. For him it was back to the roots. 

He would have to relearn everything the Force had supplied over the past millenia. Including the art of living as a normal human being. When he had made that choice he had relied on the fact that Belana would be there for him and would understand. He had hoped that she could teach him and that in doing so she would find herself again. Too late. Apparently he had been mistaken about her feelings. A sudden frown appeared on his forehead. If she thought that she could escape that easily... He still had his own magic, and a powerful one it was too. There was no way he would let her get away just like that. No way. He turned his head to look out of the viewport, the frown deepening gradually. If he were Belana, where would he go? Whom would he enlist for help? Of course. He smiled coldly. The Jedi. Ah, there was someone who was in for a nasty surprise. They never had met a real Sith magician before. And it was about time they did.

They had given her a room in the upper levels of the palatial residence and Tarla had taken one right beside hers. She had grown really attached to her old master. And Belana found that most endearing. There was someone who finally cared. Contrary to Kell. Snuggling against her pillow she lay awake and stared out of the window toward the fat moon hanging above the city of Aldera. All the peace she had felt after their arrival on this world had been shred into pieces, leaving only loneliness. She missed him. It was a strange feeling, that she should mourn her captor like this. But he still held her heart prisoner. A sudden sound made her blood run cold. She twisted around to look over her shoulder. There was only darkness. Then a shadow fell across her bed, startling her. Whirling back again she saw him stand at the window, silhouetted against the pale light of the moon. 

"Master."

He dropped down to his knees in front of her and took her head in his hands gently. But Belana could feel the strength in the sinews and tendons writhing underneath the cold skin of his palms. He could break her neck just like that, if he wanted to. And for a moment she was truly afraid that he would. A furious fire was burning in his pale eyes, one that seemed to illuminate the entire room with an eerie light. His face was fixed in a silent snarl and he was visibly fighting with himself. Belana put her hands on his, holding him tight. He sighed deeply and shook his head. Letting go of her Kell rose again.

"Why did you go?" he asked quietly, his beautiful voice floating through the silent, dark room like the aftermath of a dream. Belana froze. Could it be? That he had ... missed her?

"I thought you were dead."

"Did you now." There was so much pain in his voice that it hurt her too.

"I could not feel your presence anymore. What happened?"

He hesitated and that in itself was surprising. Pondering a thought, thinking something through, all that, yes. But hesitating like that was not like the Roj Kell she had come to know. Propping herself up on her right elbow Belana frowned at him. 

"This may be hard for you to understand."

"I don't care. Go on."

"Can you imagine being one with the Force? Being the Force?"

"Not quite." She smiled.

"Well, I was, for a time. Not anymore."

"What?" Belana sat up. "You must be kidding."

"No." And then he told her everything. She listened in astonishment. When he was finished she had pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them to her tightly. He looked at her calmly, as if he had not just shattered her understanding of the Force.

"You mean ... you were part of the Force?"

"Everything is."

"Yes, but not like this."

"No."

"Cor'dan," she repeated slowly. "The Heart of Darkness. Now I know what you meant."

"Do you?"

"Probably not. And you gave all that up? Why?"Again that slight hesitation. But then he smiled at her hopefully. And she understood. "For me?" He nodded.

"I found that what I had been missing was trust. You gave me yours."

"And now you decided to give me your life in return ..." She reached out to stroke his face gently and all of a sudden the warmth she had felt build up in her heart turned into a roaring fire that burned away all doubt and fear. "Have I told you that I love you?"

"You do not have to. I know you do."

"And what about you?"

"Can't you tell?

"I guess."

He took her hand and kissed it tenderly. "Will you come back then?"

Belana shook her head. "No. I want you to stay with me."

His smile froze instantly. "What?"

She leaned toward him, her lips just short of touching his. "Stay," she whispered. "Stay here."

The frown forming on his forehead eased away under her caresses easily and Belana was certain that this time she would win after all. She still could not believe what he had done for her, what he was risking by coming to her now, but she had to be certain of his sincerity. And she knew him well enough. Despite whatever he had said he was still bent on surviving. Which was why he was here at all and why he had told her his little secret. It was another game he was playing, only this time there was much more at stake than her soul. It was his life that she held in her hands. His most precious possession. Maybe it was cold-hearted to think that way, but Belana had learned a lot during her apprenticeship. And one was to never relinquish control, when it was her who got it for a change. Stroking his neck she kissed his throat gently. He understood, of course. He would not be Roj Kell if he didn't.

"Belana," he began protesting, but she only laughed at him.

"Trust me."

He woke to the unmistakable sound of a lightsaber being ignited. The heat of the blade caressed his left temple and when he opened his eyes the weapon seemed to inch even closer. Kell thought he could smell burnt hair. The room was still dark, but the lightsaber lit the small assembly well enough. Kell remembered the middle-aged Jedi who was standing at the door back from Coruscant. It was not a fond memory. At his side Tarla had taken hold of Belana and the girl's right hand was locked firmly over her former master's mouth to prevent her from screaming out a warning. He frowned at that. Why had he let her persuade him to stay anyway? It had been foolish. But worth it. Fully clothed he had fallen asleep next to her after they had talked for hours and it was astounding that he had managed to keep awake for so long anyway. 

The parting had been exhausting and his senses were not fully at their normal height again. Which was why he had never felt the three Jedi come in. In a way it was frustrating, but inevitable too. But he had been aware of the risks beforehand. And he had accepted them fully. So he kept very quiet and tried to look as harmless as possible. Belana was staring at him wide-eyed, silently pleading him to remain sane and safe. He knew what she wanted to say. She had not betrayed him. Smiling at her in reassurance Kell squeezed her fingers still intertwined with his. He had not even felt her take his hand. Their fingertips brushed over each other as Tarla gently pulled Belana out of his reach. For a second he almost forgot the lightsaber, only wanting to dry the tears flowing down her cheeks all of a sudden.

Tarla became aware of her teacher crying and took her hand away, the look in her eyes one of open astonishment. She opened her mouth to speak, but the Jedi Master silenced her with a sharp gesture. Belana straightened fully and looked down at Kell with challenge in her eyes. He smiled at her coldly. Time to play, it would seem. He knew very well what she was thinking. But she was mistaken. He was not tame, he was not nice, he was still the same. No, not the same at all. Moving quickly he slapped the lightsaber away from his face and flung its bearer against the viewport with a well-placed blow. Tarla screamed. Paying her no heed Roj Kell rose abruptly and snatched the handle from the boy's hand. Gyro. The old gang together again. Almost. 

"Too bad Master Kulur could not join us," he said acidly as he turned around. As expected Tarla's face darkened at the reference to her first master. He had died at her hands, but at that time Kell had taken over her mind. And she still seemed to blame herself for his death. Good.

"What did you expect?" he continued, laughing at their sullen faces. He did not dare to look at Belana though.

"Listen to me," the older Jedi began and Kell rounded on him immediately. 

"What."

"We do not want to kill you."

"No? Why am I not surprised?"

"Well, officially there is still that death sentence..."

"Oh, right. How could I forget about that?"

"It is obvious that you do not have any intention of leaving Belana Jen alone ..." The Jedi waited as if he expected Kell to protest. He didn't. "Maybe we can find a mutual agreement. If you would accompany us to Coruscant I believe-"

"What do you think you are asking." 

He found that his tone was too icy even for his ears. But why was he so upset? Because it was true. He wanted to be with her under any circumstances. And he trusted her. But on the other hand he wanted to be free. And returning to Coruscant to die was surely not on his mind. Looking at Belana almost timidly he found her dark eyes unfathomable. She knew what was at stake, didn't she? The question was, would she leave him hanging or would she draw him away from the edge?

"You stayed this night," she said, her voice almost too low to hear. "And I admire your courage because you knew what was at risk and gave it willingly anyway. Now. Will you trust me just a bit longer?"

So she was throwing him a life-line. But he would have to make that decision. A compromise then. But maybe that was the essence of their relationship. A truce. He suppressed a smile, sensing that it would be the worst thing he could do, to give her that ironic smile even though he felt slightly amused at her move. She knew him and she knew that he would decide in any case. Belana walked over to him and lay a hand on his. 

"Will you?"

He nodded. "I guess I have no choice." 

Seeing right through him she took the lightsaber he was still holding on to and smiled. "Thank you." Stepping forward she placed a quick kiss on his lips. "For your trust."

Kell simply looked at her. Had he made the right decision? He had to admit that he was slightly afraid of things to come, and he was not used to being dependent on someone else's protection. On the other hand he doubted that Belana would lift a finger to help him without his expressive request. No, she would stand back and let him bust his head if he wanted to. Definitely. He shot a glance at the three Jedi who had taken watch over the door nonchalantly. And realized that they were not trying to prevent him from leaving but actually shielding him from the guards assembling outside. His eyes narrowed dangerously. As if he could not handle this on his own! But Belana put a hand on his shoulder when he started walking toward them. 

Tarla stared at the couple suspiciously. Maybe she should have seen it earlier in Belana's reactions that something more was going on between these two than she had suspected at first. It had started back on Coruscant already those three years ago and even then she had been afraid for her master. They had all seen that she was falling for the black-haired Sith, and in a way it had been understandable. As the one responsible for breaking the prisoner Belana had been forced to spend more time with him than anyone else. And Tarla was well aware of the fact that he was a handsome man. But she had not forgotten what was lurking beneath that smooth surface. He was poisoning everyone around him, twisted their minds and bent their thoughts to his will so easily that one only realized his games when it was far too late. How could Belana trust him now? Of course, she had spent three years in his company and the young apprentice suspected that Kell had brain-washed her somehow. It would have been an easy feat considering the Jedi Master's feelings for him.

Right now they were staring at each other in a silent contest of wills. Tarla remembered Gyro telling her that Roj Kell reacted only toward hostile provocations. But unfortunately noone could tell what he considered hostile. Sometimes he would be more lenient toward one person and incredibly short-tempered toward another. For example he had been infinitely patient with Belana. Actually Tarla could not recall one single incident where he had outright attacked the Jedi Master. At the moment he looked about ready to explode and the young woman suspected that his chosen target would be the viceroy's security personnel. If Belana could not calm him down ... Tarla jumped when he disengaged from the older woman and pushed past her to stride into the hallway. Her eyes met that of Belana Jen when the Jedi Master turned around, her mouth twisted into a grim line. At Tarla's side Master Zerkan drew an angry breath.

"Lord Kell!" he called and followed the Sith briskly. 

Tarla peeked out of the doorway to see what was going on and her eyes opened wide in horror at the sight greeting her there. It was as if time was freezing slowly, and the air seemed to be charged with lead, sending tiny blue sparks crackling along Roj Kell's long, black hair when he whirled back to face Zerkan ever so slowly. His body was trailing an aura of golden light that wrapped his dark-clad form in a yellow sheen. Tarla's mouth dropped open. She had never seen anyone use the Force like that.

"He's not using the Force." Belana's voice was very calm when she joined the young apprentice. Gyro had turned around too and now threw a doubtful glance first at the Jedi Master, then at Kell. "This is true Sith magic."

"It looks ... incredible."

"Just wait and watch," the older woman replied with a smile. Roj Kell was now fully facing Master Zerkan and Tarla could barely bear the tension she felt. If he killed him now ... Her hands clenched into fists at the memory of Master Kulur's death. But then a hand was placed on her shoulder gently, holding her back. "He won't hurt him."

"Are you sure?"

Suddenly a new player entered the arena and Tarla nearly fainted at the viceroy's ignorant bravery when he walked through his troops unconcernedly to confront the taller man. Roj Kell ignored him at first, apparently still in the process of debating authority in this matter with Zerkan. Finally though he looked over his shoulder coolly and raised his eyebrows in a silent question as the magic faded ever so slowly. The viceroy drew himself up straighter and met those pale eyes unafraid. 

"Apart from trespassing on private property there are quite a few charges I could bring up against you," he began. Kell stared. "But I will drop those gladly. Master Zerkan." It was incredible how he dismissed the Sith Lord completely. And even more incredible was the amused smile on Roj Kell's lips. "I would ask you to remove this individual from my planet and property." That did it. Tarla closed her eyes in dire anticipation of the outburst to come.

At her side Belana Jen was shaking with silent laughter.

"Viceroy," Kell said and his voice wiped every thought clean off everyone's mind, leaving them disorientated and slightly shocked. The ruler's eyes had glazed over and his mouth was hanging open. "I find your world truly perfect, but it lacks one thing: competent leadership. Which you don't seem to be able to provide. Maybe I would do Alderaan a favor if I did remove you from office permanently. But alas there is someone who would be very unhappy about that. So I shall let you live. For a while." When the last echoes of his words had died away Tarla was finally able to breathe again. She grinned at the viceroy's perplexed expression. Even Master Zerkan seemed to agree with Kell. But before this comedy could turn into hostile action he stepped forward to place himself between the two adversaries.

"Your highness, we will gladly leave and take him with us to Coruscant."

"I will get this to the Senate, you can be certain of that."

"Feel free to do whatever you desire, your majesty. Belana, would you please gather your belongings? I think we should depart as soon as possible. If you agree, Lord Kell?"

"What about my ship?"

"I am sure we can find a way. Now, please. We need to go."

TBC


	2. The Return

Redemption

On board the ship Belana watched him sleep with a broad smile on her face. He was so much more at ease now, as if a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Of course, at the beginning of the journey he had acted a bit snappish toward Zerkan, Tarla and Gyro, and she had been almost shocked when she had realized that he was feeling insecure. Roj Kell, insecure! A paradox. Now though, only a few hours short of reaching Coruscant, Belana just sat there on the edge of his bunk, tracing his face with her eyes hungrily. He was so beautiful when he was at peace. She shook her head slightly, still disbelieving. What he had sacrificed to be with her... She never would be able to make it up to him. But then, maybe that was not what he wanted at all. Maybe, Belana thought, maybe he truly accepted her the way she was. After all he expected everyone to accept his arrogant demeanor and cutting remarks too. He would not change for her, that she knew. 

Sighing deeply Belana rose and brushed a hand over his closed eyes, smiling again. But then her features darkened abruptly. The Council would not be overly happy to have him back on Coruscant. On the contrary. Although Zerkan had tried to reassure her repeatedly, and even Kell had managed to soothe her for a time, Belana was far from calm. He was in control, he had told her. She didn't believe it. Turning away she left the cabin and made her way to the cockpit. Tarla and Gyro looked up when she entered, and Zerkan smiled at her. 

"We will reach the capital in an hour or so. Is he still asleep?"

"Yes."

"What you told me is astounding. And you are certain that he has parted with the Force? I did not think that this was possible."

"Well, I guess there are a lot of things we do not know yet."

"About him?"

"That too."

"You know, Belana," he began and gently urged her to take a seat. "I have thought about this whole affair at length."

"And?"

"Well, he may have massive flaws, such as having the psyche of a mass murderer," Belana laughed at that, but Zerkan continued right over her, "but I believe that there is a lot you can learn from him. First though you will have to teach him a lesson. Or else he will not survive."

Nodding slowly Belana closed her eyes. "What about the Council?"

"Frankly, I do not know. It is up to him, I guess."

"By the Force! Zerkan! Leave matters to him and the Temple will turn into chaos."

"You know better than that."

"Yes. Unfortunately."

"Come on, Belana. What happened to that determined hunter who protected her prey when it was under attack from a rival stalker? You really impressed me with that. And I think he felt the same way."

She shook her head vehemently: "No way. He probably thought it strange and stupid."

"Not at all." The threesome turned around at the sound of that enchanting voice. Roj Kell leaned in the doorway in an easy posture, his pale eyes fixed solely on the dark-haired woman sitting in the co-pilot's chair. "I thought it intriguing."

"Really?"

"Yes." He walked over to her slowly, took her head in his hands and started massaging her temples gently. Belana relaxed immediately, letting herself fall into his touch gladly. "You were different. You trusted me, in a way, and you did not judge me at first glance."

"Actually I did," she replied in a low chuckle. "But I always keep an open mind."

"I know."

After the uneventful landing on Coruscant Tarla was barely able to keep up with the rest of the group as they strode from the landing platform to the Council Chamber. She was on edge, awfully so, and she could not understand how especially Roj Kell managed to stay so calm. The stares he attracted were mostly hostile, or else surprised, and the hushed whispers followed them all the way. Shortly before reaching the great double doors Belana stopped and reached out a hand toward the Sith walking at her side. He took it without hesitating and squeezed it tight. The couple shared a knowing glance.

"Try not to make a mess of it like the last time," she said, in reference to Kha Door's death. "It took us hours to clean up the chamber properly." 

"I am so sorry," he replied sarcastically. "He wanted to kill me. That's not something I take lightly."

"Understandable."

Tarla's mouth twitched in annyoance. Somehow she found this banter disgusting. Here they were, standing in the Jedi Temple and those two were making fun of the events of three years back. The young woman had perceived those as a major catastrophe and she knew that she was not alone there either. Why had Kell decided to follow his beloved to certain death? Tarla was almost certain that he had something planned. Growling softly she strode past Belana to follow Zerkan and Gyro, who had already gone ahead. But a hand clamped around her left arm, stopping her in mid stride. 

"Hey!" Kell's voice was too soft, too gentle.

Tarla whirled around with a scream and struck at the Sith Lord holding on to her with a power borne out of fear and anger. He stared at her, surprised, but let go. At his side Belana's dark eyes were wide with shock.

"Tarla!" she breathed just as guards came rushing over to see who had been the cause of this Dark Side outburst. Of course, to them there was just one possible suspect. Tarla almost smiled when she was pushed aside roughly and the soldiers seperated Belana from her lover.

But then the Jedi Master took her aside, a concerned expression on her face. "Don't do that again," she admonished her former student gently. "You are using your dark emotions against him. And despite what he is and was, this is the wrong approach."

"Master Jen, with all due respect. I cannot take you seriously in this matter." The older woman's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"No? I have spent three long years at his side. Don't you think that I know him better than you do?"

"Maybe in some ways-"

"Enough!" Belana hissed. "Stop this senseless rambling and recover your wits, girl! What has Zerkan been teaching you? Because I am sure that I myself never taught you such nonsense."

That stopped the young apprentice cold. "I am sorry, master," she replied, chastised and looked at her feet in embarrassment. 

"Good. I know you are a caring woman, an adept fighter, but perhaps there are still some lessons you need to learn about reading others properly."

"My memories dictated my actions."

"Those memories should have reminded you of the price of failure. Roj Kell is a Sith, no Jedi. But you have seen that he has changed. A bit, at least," she added with a smile.

"Yes, I guess."

Roj Kell kept a close watch over Belana as she was talking urgently to the girl Tarla, and he ignored the guards crowding him deliberately, trying to overhear the women's conversation. But then Zerkan bustled up to him, pushing through the soldiers nonchalantly. 

"Lord Kell, I have checked with the Council. They will question first me and the young people, the Belana. You will come last."

"I see. So I get to explain my point when they are already prejudiced by your explanations?"

"Exactly."

"Good." He closed his eyes briefly. 

"Are you allright?"

"No, but that doesn't matter."

Zerkan frowned at him and gave the guards a cursory glance: "You cannot sense them?"

"No. It is ... strange, this way."

"I understand, I think. Try to relax." 

Kell smiled coldly and nodded. The Jedi Master surely did not remember what it had been like without the Force. But he could. And the remembrance was driving him mad. Yes, he could tell what they were thinking from their faces, the way they moved, but that was only guessing. Nothing reliable. And Belana ... It would take time to renew their bond. If she would have him at all. But when she turned her head to smile at him he could feel that warmth rise in his chest again, filling his heart to bursting. But first things first. To be with her he had to survive. And that was something he had done all his life.

When it was his turn to answer the Council's questions after an hourlong wait surrounded by guards, Roj Kell was anxious to get this over with. Belana managed to intercept him and place a reassuring kiss on his lips before he was hustled into the stately chamber though and it made him feel much better. He recognized most of the beings seated in a semicircle around the chamber and he nodded at the giant Ho'Din presiding over this illustre round.

"Master Jeldo," the Sith stated calmly in acknowledgement.

"Roj Kell. We meet again."

"Unfortunately."

The Ho'Din smiled thinly. "So defiant. Tell me, are you afraid?"

"Of you?"

"Of failure. Your kind usually is."

"My kind. I see." His eyes narrowing slightly he tried to read the Council members' intentions. But there was no way he could get past those shields. "No, I am not afraid of failure. But perhaps I am concerned about the future."

"Your future?"

"No, yours," he replied sarcastically. "Maybe you could cease this meaningless talk? I am sure that we have more important things to discuss than my emotional disposition."

"On the contrary. That is a very important topic. You know that there is still a death sentence hanging over your head. The fact that you came back here of your own free will does not change it in the least. And yet we are willing to give you a second chance."

"Really. You never gave me one in the first place. No," he shook his head. "I correct myself. It was I who did not give you a chance, but that is quite beside the point. Fact is, that you were blinded by your seeking to uncover information at any prize."

"You blame us for your senseless attacks?"

"They were not senseless. Not in the least. But maybe you should reevaluate your own motives. Mine are clear, I believe."

"Indeed, we do remember your actions most vividly. Do you deny that they were evil?"

Roj Kell shrugged: "I do not care, actually." Master Jeldo sighed.

"Listen, even though we understand that your actions did not primarily aim at hurting someone, you have to admit that they still did. You were aware of the consequences but they did not bother you. Maybe you can justify that, but we cannot."

"I am no Jedi, Master Jeldo. I am a Sith. I am Cor'dan. It is a question of morals, of ethics. That is what you are getting at, am I right?" The Council nodded. "I see. But the Force does not know these concepts. They were invented by sentient beings who were forced to live together in communities. There they are valid rules, necessary even, and I accept that. But they are not for me. I am not part of a community."

"Which does not give you the right to break those rules when you are, even if only for a time."

"Another one of those useful inventions. Rights. Strangely enough some people have more rights than others even in the same community. I find that they often try to justify that by claiming responsibility. Is that why the Jedi take the right to impose justice on everyone as they see fit? Because you feel responsible?"

"In essence yes. Apart from that we feel that we have to protect those who have less rights in their community."

"Interference into foreign affairs."

"You are very observant."

"That is why I survive. I know what you want to hear. But I do not regret my actions."

"A pity. Then tell me, Roj Kell, what should we do with you? There must have been a reason for you to come. You knew what was awaiting you here."

"Well, yes, there is a reason."

"Belana Jen. Do you love her?"

"Yes." He was slightly surprised at his own sincerity. But Master Jeldo simply nodded.

"That is very good. A progress on your way back to humanity, so to say. Recovering your true feelings is important for you to overcome the Dark Side. Master Jen has told us about your sacrifice, which is actually the whole reason for your still being alive. "

"I see. I welcome your willingness to help me, however I would like you to refrain from interfering with my life."

"It is entirely up to you, of course, whether to accept that assistance. But we have to ask one thing: as long as you stay here you must submit to the rules. Is that agreeable?"

Roj Kell balked at that. He would lose his freedom, that was for sure. But they would keep out of his affairs, at least that was what they had promised. And he would be close to Belana. 

"It is."

"Thank you. That would be all for now, but maybe we can talk again later?"

"Of course."

"One last thing, Roj Kell. You said the Force does not know the concepts of good and evil. As far as I can tell you have abandoned the Force."

"So?"

"Maybe it is time for you to learn those concepts."

Gritting his teeth Roj Kell fixed the Jedi Master in an icy stare: "I know what you are trying to accomplish here. But you are mistaken. I will never be a Jedi."

"You misunderstand us, I believe," the Ho'Din answered calmly: "We do not want to change you. That is something you must do yourself."

"And you are not afraid of what might spark from that change?"

"Should we be?"

Kell smiled coldly: "I remember the way I was as a young man. But I have grown and I cannot go back. So you see, even I do not know where this path will take me. Perhaps it is I who should be afraid."

"You are courageous. You will manage."

"Master Jeldo, what about the Republic?"

"This is our affair. They will not be allowed to interfere. Besides, I do not see any sense in punishing you further for your crimes. You have forsaken the Force and somehow I believe that for you that sentence is worse than death."

"You truly are wise, Master Jeldo," the Sith replied after a moment of pained silence and bowed toward the Ho'Din respectfully. Straightening again though his pale eyes were pits of green ice. "Yet your vision is limited. Perhaps we can both learn from each other."

"I am looking forward to that."

Belana was smiling broadly when he came striding out of the chamber, his pale eyes flashing as if he dared anyone to provoke him now. She watched him come closer, that predatory gait of his all too cocky and all too arrogant. More than one of the Jedi assembled in the hallway looked at him crosswise. But the Jedi Master intercepted her charge quickly and caught him in a tight embrace.

"How did it go?"

"Not too bad."

"So?"

"I am allowed to live, for the time being. Ain't that gracious of your precious Council?"

Before she could reply a harsh voice interrupted her. The Wolfman growled angrily at the Sith, but Kell merely raised his eyebrows, clearly at a loss of what to make of this.

"What does he say?"

"He says that I had no right to bring you back here and that you have no right to live."

"Interesting. So they blame you?"

"Apparently so."

His eyes narrowed dangerously and Belana watched his right hand curl into a fist. For a moment she closed her eyes and heaved an exasperated sigh. Men. It was ridiculous sometimes. But he should know that he could never stand against the Jedi if he chose to attack them now. His face twitched with anger, but Belana lay a hand on his right shoulder in an effort to soothe him. When he spoke though his voice broke through the terse silence with mind-shattering force:

"The Force recognizes the different aspects of life. Maybe you should too."

The Wolfman howled an angry challenge: "You come here to teach us a lesson, Sith?" he hissed viciously in garbled Basic and came up to face the tall human. "How dare you! You are nothing, nothing in the eyes of the Force!"

Kell smiled sardonically: "Those eyes have seen more than you ever will. Maybe I should advise you to keep your temper in check. But on the other hand," flexing the fingers of his right hand he moved closer to the Wolfman unafraid, "perhaps I should show you just what you are missing."

"Kell!" Belana admonished him coolly. "This is neither the place nor the time. Come."

"Yes, take him away. Get him out of our sight."

She drew him along calmly, trying to ignore what she could sense from the other people crowding the hallway. But it was a vain effort. There was hatred and anger mixed with fear and sorrow aplenty. Belana wondered if Kell was really able to ignore that dark storm of emotions. And then she recalled what he had told her again. He would be ignorant of their feelings, completely so. For a second she even envied him. But then she hustled him into her room and frowned. He was shivering underneath her touch. Sitting him down on the bed Belana frowned when he lay back and stared up at the ceiling pensively.

"What's up?"

"Guess," he snapped.

"But you knew they would react that way. Don't tell me that this came unexpectedly." 

"It is not that, but before the parting I could feed on those feelings, use them to my advantage. Now though I can only tell by their faces, by the look in their eyes. It hurts, Belana, it really hurts."

"You mean it hurts that they are gaining power over you?"

"Yes." His voice dropped to an eerie whisper: "When I was still part of the Force it was the other way round."

Belana wrapped her arms around his neck. "I see. But, my love, it is not so much you who concerns me here. Three years back you did the same on purpose and now it is involuntary, right? But the effects are still the same: you are sowing darkness in the hearts of the Jedi." She hesitated: "It is involuntary, is it not? You are not playing again?" Somehow the thought of his deceiving her like that made her shiver. 

But his pale eyes were completely sincere when he looked at her: "Even if I did, Belana, I could only lose. Don't you see?"

"You did not answer my question."

"Allright then. It is not just a game this time. It is a lesson the Jedi have to learn. There is more to forgiveness than mere words. Am I right?"

"For someone who once claimed to not even know the meaning of the word compassion that was a pretty good try at explaining it."

"Compassion. What has that got to do with it?"

"Everything. I cannot believe you actually question that at all."

"Am I really that bad?" he asked and Belana smiled at him fondly. Tousling his thick hair she gave him a long look.

"Well, my love, you have that slightly menacing aura, you know?"

"Really? And that is why people don't trust me?"

"Maybe it is also because you like playing those psycho games."

"Don't think I will stop that just because the Council believes I should."

"Then perhaps you could try to be a bit less obvious."

"Obvious?"

"You are gloating."

"What?"

"That smile, you know? People hate a knowing smile like that. It makes them feel inferior. No," she put a hand on his mouth, "don't say it. I won't deny that you may be sly and knowledgeable, but you can't claim that you are superior." Taking her hand away she looked at him expectantly. He smiled. "That's exactly what I mean. You don't take me seriously."

"But I do. Honestly."

"Well, if you do, then tell me why you turned down the Council's offer."

"Of becoming an apprentice? Because I do not want their permission. All I need is yours."

"Could it be that this is just an excuse because you don't want to tell me that you are too old to learn?"

"One is never too old to learn." He seemed scandalized at her mere suggestion.

"Then maybe you should learn to live this new life. I know it will be hard on you, but I you will undoubtedly manage just fine."

"If you say so."

He was pacing the whole length of the room and he was getting on her nerves. Tarla, sitting in her chair as calmly as she could, growled at Gyro and shook her head. But then she jumped up suddenly and stopped him.

"I cannot believe this! He cannot stay here!"

"Who are you to judge him?" Gyro answered coolly. Oh yes, he was a true Jedi Knight.

"Come one, you can feel it too, right?"

He shook his head: "No, I do not know what you mean."

"Wha-?" Tarla gasped, then sank back into her chair. "I hate him," she declared heatedly.

"Tarla, Master Zerkan is very concerned for you. And I am too. Don't let him gain this sort of power over you. You must be strong."

"The only thing I hope for is that he will challenge the Temple again. And this time he can only lose."

"You really think so? Tarla, Tarla, he has defeated you already. The only one who can teach him that lesson is Master Jen."

"What lesson? Even if he were acting like a wholly innocent person our memory would still condemn him. Which is why he has to leave."

"I know. But we have to be compassionate. The Council has given him a chance to truly redeem himself. And Belana Jen will make certain that he takes it too."

She huffed an indignated sigh: "I would not be so sure. What if he is just playing with her? He has put her under a spell-"

"It is called 'love', Tarla."

"Oh, you!" she yelled, truly angry. But the look suddenly appearing in his eyes frightened her. He was at her side with a few long strides and grabbed her arm tightly. "What are you going to do?" she asked timidly. But Gyro did not answer. Pivoting on his heel he dragged her along and into the hallway. "Where are we going?"

"I believe that there is someone you need to talk to."

Her eyes widened in understanding. "No!" She started dragging her feet, but Gyro held her tightly. He did not even look around. "Please! Don't do this to me!"

Stopping in front of Belana Jen's apartment Gyro turned around and raised his eyebrows coolly: "It is time to face you fears, I believe." He raised his left hand and knocked at the door firmly. When there was no answer he opened it and peeked inside. A heart-beat later he withdrew again, his face beet-red. Tarla grinned at him openly, a nasty thought entering her head. "We will come by later," he managed to say and closed the door again. 

"Face your fears," she whispered in his ear and turned away, laughing.

"Shut up."

Kell was smiling at Belana's sleeping form fondly and his left hand brushed along the soft curve of her flank to come to rest on her hip. She did not stir, so deep was her slumber. Roj Kell bent down to place a light kiss on her left shoulder. "Sleep tight," he whispered and rose carefully as to not wake her up. He had spent too much time cooped up in her quarters and he had had enough. Picking up his clothes he dressed quickly and stalked toward the door. As he reached for the door controls he smiled at the memory of Gyro's shocked face and shook his head. The young man was a model Jedi. But inexperienced in some ways, it would seem. He left the room quietly and nodded at the Jedi standing down the hallway. They were subtle, yes, but he could read the man's eyes well enough. A guard, no doubt. Walking down the corridor Kell let his mind drift ever so slightly. But not too far. It gave him some comfort to retain that sort of control over himself, even though it would not do him any good anyway. 

"Lord Kell!" Turning around the Sith frowned at Master Jeldo. The Ho'Din came toward him with measured steps and inclined his huge head gravely. "If you please, I would talk to you."

"Of course."

Side by side they strode along the corridors and Roj Kell's fury deepened as he realized that the Jedi Master was seeking to protect him. Once they were inside the now empty Council Chamber he rounded on the giant alien angrily.

"Master Jeldo, I do not need a baby-sitter!"

"No? If I let you walk around here on your own it will be only a matter of time until something bad happens."

"Such as? You are all so afraid. It is ridiculous. You are scared of a single Sith who is completely at your mercy."

"You are too modest, Lord Kell."

"No, it is the truth. And that is why you fail. You let yourselves become distracted by magic and deceptions instead of remaining aloof. Belana Jen was this close to breaking me. This close. And you were so stupid as to relieve her of her command and set my own apprentice at her place. Foolish." He took a deep breath and started stalking the marble floor. 

"You may be right," the Ho'Din conceded at last. "But we were afraid-"

"Fear is my ally, Master Jeldo," he hissed.

"Yes. Indeed."

Roj Kell gritted his teeth in an effort to get himself back under control: "Tell me, Jedi. Are you afraid of me now?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"You have forsaken the Force. I do not perceive you as a danger anymore."

"And yet you feel compelled to escort me through your precious temple."

The silence at his back told him that he had gotten the alien Jedi Master thinking. His ears picked up the soft rustle of cloth as Jeldo joined him at the window. Nodding slowly the Ho'Din heaved a deep sigh. 

"Maybe I am still afraid. And perhaps I even have reason to feel that way."

A tiny gasp wrought itself from the Sith's lips. "I have to go," he whispered suddenly, his voice full of anguish. "I cannot stand being constrained like this. No."

"Giving up that easily?"

He growled softly: "Do not mock me this way."

"Apologies."

"Tell me, what would you have done if I had not parted with the Force?"

"Let me ask a question in return: what would have happened if we had broken that connection without your consent?"

"I would be dead now."

"Just as I suspected. Your sacrifice impressed me."

"Did it? Strange. I thought you would be glad."

"And I am that too. I cannot let you go. You understand, don't you?"

Turning his head Roj Kell gave him a cool look: "And what makes you think that you could possibly prevent me from leaving?

The Jedi Master spread his arms in surrender: "Please. Not again."

Waking up Belana found the spot at her side cold and empty. How could she have forgotten that he was such an early riser? If he slept at all. She swung her legs over the egde of the bed and stood up slowly. What time was it anyway? Too late, a tiny voice told her and suddenly her throat constricted in dread. Dressing hurriedly the Jedi Master left her quarters and went in search of her troublesome charge. She did not know what he was up to, but then she remembered her vision from Alderaan. Walking faster she started asking around for him. Noone could tell her anything. After a while she grew anxious. "Kell," she sighed, "where did you vanish to?"

"He left."

"What?" Turning around Belana's eyes found the Jedi standing not far away. The usually so calm Zerkan looked worried.

"Master Jeldo told me," he explained.

"That is strange. He did not wake me up."

"Ah, how polite. But he can take care of himself."

"You think so? He has a knack for finding trouble."

"Really. On this planet trouble will find him first. Besides, Master Jeldo has strictly forbidden him to leave the compound."

"And when did he ever stick to the rules?" she sighed. Zerkan came up to her and the urgency in his tone overwhelmed even her:

"Belana, I feel that you have to move quickly. He has to learn that lesson now."

"But how to teach him?"

"I do not know ..."

"Zerkan," she began hesitantly. "I have told noone before, but I had a vision back in Aldera."

When she had finished explaining it to him his frown deepened. "I see. My advice is to find him fast and keep him under tight guard."

"What?"

"Trust me," he begged and turned around to leave.

Belana shook her head, disbelieving. But maybe he was right. Kell was used to being on the move constantly and now he was acting defiantly aggressive, as if he were just waiting for someone to provoke him. He had to learn peace and that quickly. Whirling around she went into the opposite direction that Zerkan had taken, determined to find her errand lover before anyone else managed to lay hands on him. 

Tarla had wrapped her arms around her torso tightly, trying to keep her anger from taking hold of her again. Currently she was striding down the broad alley that lead toward the main gate. Everyone else was busy in the practice yard and only few Jedi found the time to walk the beautiful park at their leisure. But Tarla had felt that she needed this solitude for a change. Gyro had let her go without protest, sensing her mood. And an awful mood it was. The young woman sighed deeply before she decided to walk over to the small pavillion perched on an artificial hill a bit further away. She remembered that it was always windy there and maybe the cool air would soothe her temper a bit. Unfortunately Roj Kell seemed to have had the same idea. He was scowling at her when she stepped inside the shadows to join him. But Tarla tried her best to ignore him. It was so unsettling that she could not sense him at all. Her only comfort was that he could neither. On the other hand it was elating, in a way, that she was more powerful than him now. Thus reassured she let her hands rest on the pavillion's thin railing and took a deep breath. But when his hands slipped around her waist she gasped in surprise. 

"Belana," was all she said. His low chuckle caressed the back of her neck. 

"What about her?"

"Let go."

"Why should I?"

"What?"

He turned her around to face him. "Tarla, I know you do not like me in particular, but maybe you should learn to let the past go."

She stared at him and tried to break away. But he held her tightly. Tarla closed her eyes desperately. "What do you feel for Belana Jen? Do you really love her?"

"How can you doubt my sincerity?" he replied, prompting her to laugh at that and he continued with a wry smile. "I take that back. But I am serious about her. She has given me back part of myself, but I have lost more - " he stopped himself suddenly, his pale eyes focusing into the distance. "Too much."

"What do you mean?" she asked, frowning slightly. 

"Nothing."

"Please take your hands away," Tarla sighed and wriggled out of his grasp. He let her go instantly. The young woman frowned. What had he been trying to accomplish by that anyway? Gods, he was playing again. Biting her lower lip hard she was waiting for the inevitable snide comment.

"You were worried about Belana? Do you think I cannot be faithful to her?"

"I am not sure."

"You care for her deeply, I believe."

"Yes. She is my friend."

"I envy you for the trust she shows you."

"Then maybe you should have treated her better," she snapped.

"She loves me." 

His tone was one of utter astonishment. What was it with him? It was as if he could not quite believe his luck yet. And then she got it. "If you leave now you will break her heart."

"I cannot stay." 

Tarla shook her head wildly, sending her black curls flying. Propping her hands on her hips she faced him down unafraid: "I just know that I will regret this, but Gyro said that I should face my fears. Will you let me help you?"

"What is your plan?"

TBC


	3. Getting Closer

Redemption

Belana stood in the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her, and stared at the two people waiting for her in her quarters. The young woman, dark-skinned and curly-haired, was her one-time apprentice and good friend, the other, unmistakable with his trademark ironic smile, her Sith lover. They were both looking at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something. The Jedi Master just shook her head. What were they planning? And since when did Tarla dare to get anywhere near Kell all alone? Questions with no answers. Yet. She stepped into the room gingerly and closed the door behind her. Then, propping her hands on her hips, she fixed the twosome in an icy glare.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"He wanted to run away and I was just in time to drag him back here." Kell snorted in disgust at the short apprentice, but Tarla did not seem to notice.

"Is that true? Belana asked sweetly and walked over to lay her hands on his shoulders. "Did you really want to leave without saying good-bye?"

He hesitated and she felt her heart skip a beat. In his case this was a good sign. It meant that he was truly thinking it through, that he had not planned this beforehand. "I-," he began and fell silent once more. But when he spoke again his voice was a soft caress. "I would not have left without you, Belana. You know that, don't you?"

"Maybe, and maybe not. I know that you treasure your freedom."

Tarla piped up again: "I have convinced him to stay. Here."

"Here? You mean, in here?"

"Yep. I said he's gonna have to stay in here until he's healed."

"And you agreed to this?" Now Belana's voice was icy cold. 

"Yes."

Drawing an angry breath she let the anger dissipate into the air as she exhaled: "Three years back, Roj Kell, you stayed voluntarily for over a week imprisoned here, endured relentless attacks on your mind and an apprentice who betrayed you. And now you wanted to flee?"

"As I said, not without you."

"I do not believe you."

His pale eyes looked down at her, and the ice melted away ever so slightly. But then he drew himself up again and straightened to his full height. Turning away he stalked toward the window and stared outside longingly. "Belana, I have agreed to this. And I will stay here with you for as long as it takes, until you deem me ready to face real life." 

"Real life?" she said heatedly. "Real life, my dear is not inside the Jedi Temple. It is out there!"

When he faced her again Belana took a step back, suddenly frightened by his expression. "Who do you think you are talking to?" he hissed. "I know all about life, Belana, but your young friend here thinks that I am trying to run away from my feelings."

"And away from me?"

"Belana, please. You know that my freedom means a lot to me. But you do too. If you agree to this you will come to know me another way than you did before. There will be no escape for me and from me, and no plan safe one: I want you to trust me, I want me to trust you, and I want us together. Is that acceptable?"

She gave him a cool look, then waved Tarla to her side. Dragging the apprentice ouside she closed the door behind them. 

"Tarla," she hissed, "what do you think this will accomplish? He said it himself. The last time he only stayed because he had a plan."

"And now he will stay because of you. Aren't you happy about that?"

Belana shuddered: "I am not sure." Tarla's dark eyes softened as she took her in her arms.

"I think you can both grow through this. Despite everything you are still afraid of him and he cannot trust you yet."

"You are right, Tarla, and I wish you were not. Still, you are young and know nothing of real life yet. Kell knows everything, Tarla. That is why this will be so hard for him. He knows, but he has ceased to live a long time ago." On impulse Belana hugged the young woman to her chest: "One thing you have to promise me, Tarla, that you will let us go in the end."

"What? I do not understand, Master ..."

"I hope you will, Tarla, because that lesson is the most difficult to learn. I have accepted it, and you must too."

Roj Kell was leaning against the window pane, his hands crossed behind his back. She had been right and now it was no wonder that she was upset. But the excuse that he only wanted to protect her did have no value in the face of her anger. Whatever he could throw at her physically she would be able to handle with ease. And yet, on another level he feared that he would hurt her soul irrepairably. Which was something he could not cope with, that he knew. Gods, Belana had no idea what she was about to experience. He had warned her explicitly, but she could be so stubborn sometimes. Maybe though he was underestimating her. Belana knew what he was and what he had experienced. There were no secrets this galaxy had not yet yielded to him and he had them all tucked away in his inexhaustible memory. Calling up the things he knew was easy, but he had lost touch to them. Whereas the Jedi Master had rekindled some of his feelings there was so much he had to relearn. Compassion was one of those, and Master Jeldo had tried to show him just that. Even Tarla was wiser than himself in that matter. She had forgiven him, in a way. The only one who stood in the way of his return to the living was his own ego. Belana would help him battle that foe, he hoped, and together they would succeed. Definitely. 

When the door opened again he looked up to meet her steady gaze. She leaned against the wooden frame tiredly, watching him closely. For a long time neither said a word. In the end though Belana detached from the doorframe and walked toward him cautiously, as if she were afraid that he might turn on her at a moment's notice. Kell frowned at that. Why was she so afraid? Did she have an inkling of what task she was about to undertake? Maybe she truly understood him. Once she had reached him Belana wrapped her arms around his neck, her large, liquid eyes captivating his gaze easily when she smiled.

"When I was little I found an injured bird in the park outside," she began, her voice taking on the dreamy tone of fond memories. "I took it back to my master and asked her to heal it. Do

you want to know what she replied?"

"Aren't you going to tell me anyway?"

Her forehead creased into a small, disapproving frown. "Of course I will," Belana shot back flippantly before she continued: "So, my master said that using the Force is not always the right path. The bird was small and delicate and its injuries not that grave. It would heal with time and caring. So I spent every free minute with that bird and stood watch over its healing progress. And while the bird grew accustomed to my presence I enjoyed the way it used to hop around in the small cage I had built for it and chirp most beautifully. But I noticed that it never came to trusting me fully."

"Is there a point to the story?" Kell asked suddenly, sensing that he knew what was to come.

"In fact, there is. Else I would not bore you with this anecdote from my long past youth."

"You are not that old, my dear."

"That is so reassuring, coming from you of all people," Belana replied acidly, making him laugh.

"Allright. So what happened?"

"One day I thought that the bird was fully healed and so I took it out of the cage to let it rest on my hand, something it had done a hundred times over the past weeks of healing."

"And then it flew away?"

She stared at him accusingly, maybe not so much because he had revealed the ending of the story himself, but because this ending had been the first that had come to his mind. Kell was cursing his quick tongue by the time Belana had let go of him and sat down on one of the chairs. 

"I felt utterly betrayed by that bird, you know? After all I had done for it -"

"You believe that I will treat you the same?"

The Jedi Master shook her head slowly: "I know."

"Then it is you who does not trust me, Belana. Which is unfortunate."

His voice had turned icy cold and Belana looked back up at him with some concern. He was leaning against the window, his arms crossed in front of him in obvious disdain. Was he hurt by her accusation? If so, wasn't that assumption justified, after all they had been through and all she knew about him? He would fight her, he would betray her, even if only unconsciously. And Belana was not certain if she could cope with that. Still, she had agreed to this, hadn't she?

"Tarla will supply us with everything we might need, but you and I will stay locked up in here for as long as it takes to tame you. I want you to understand that I am sacrificing much for this and that I expect the same from you. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Master," he told her with a mocking smile and walked over to take a seat next to her. "Just you and I? It sounds intriguing."

Belana sighed. It might sound like fun, but she knew that their opposing personalities would clash more than once during that time. The worst thing was that she knew exactly how she could break him. Three years back he had admonished her for being afraid of taking that path. Now though she had no choice left if she wanted to save his life. She was well aware of the fact that despite everything the Council had promised they would not be satisfied until Kell had ceased to be a danger. He had forsaken the Force, true, but Belana knew for a fact that this left him far from powerless. Her task would be to show him the futility of his constant struggle for survival and to make him come to trust her and others. Of course she knew that he was well aware of how real life worked in theory, but he had never felt the need to experience it himself. Kell wanted to remain independent, very much so. But first he would have to find back to his true being. The only thing Belana feared was that at the very core of his soul Roj Kell was much worse than he seemed to be even now.

The wild shriek penetrating the thick wooden door to Belana's quarters drove a spike of concern and despair right through Tarla's heart. Making a split-second decision she whirled around, ready to charge into the room, but Gyro held her back. As they did every day the two young people had met in front of the Jedi Master's apartment to check on her progress. It had been five days since both Belana and Kell had agreed to this treatment and Tarla was on edge all the time. What she could sense from the two occupants of the room scared not only her, and the Council had ordered a contingent of guards to stand watch in the hallway at all times. They all feared the same. And even though just this morning Master Jeldo had admonished them to have faith in Belana Jen's abilities that fear still lingered on. The worst thing for the young apprentice was that her master had had to leave for a mission a few days back. Zerkan had told her that he had the utmost trust in his student and that he believed she could handle this alone, but Tarla herself was not convinced. She missed his wisdom and experience and somehow not even Master Jeldo could replace her teacher's presence. 

The only one who quietly lend her strength was Gyro. In a way the young woman could understand Belana better now, because she felt the same for the Jedi Knight that her friend did for her Sith lover. It was true: she had fallen in love with Gyro and in hindsight it seemed inevitable. They were destined to be together. Right now he was holding on to her reassuringly, his eyes calm and soothing.

"Tarla, he cannot hurt her. She is a Jedi Master, remember?"

"And he is a Sith, have you forgotten already?"

"A Sith who has forsaken the Force. This viper has no teeth left to bite."

Tarla looked up at him wearily: "She loves him and that love is his greatest weapon against her."

"Then you doubt that he loves her too?"

"I am not sure," she replied, biting her lower lip in frustration. Maybe she was misinterpreting the feelings emanating from the room, but ... Tarla sighed. "I am just wondering if she can accomplish anything at all." Gyro wrapped her in his arms wordlessly and she felt her fear melt away ever so slightly. She smiled at him: "See what I mean? This sort of power is what she has to face."

"But surrendering in the face of such an enemy is not painful at all, or is it?" he countered with a smile.

"No, you are right. And I guess in the end he will have no choice but bow to her."

Belana was still holding on to the sheets she had hidden beneath in an effort to escape the emotions she had unlocked in her charge. Panting with dread, her eyes openend wide, she could not shed the memories he had shown her. During his captivity three years back Kell had done this too, deliberately, to hurt her, but this time she had accepted that burden voluntarily, because she felt that he had to experience everything again to remember, to become alive once more. But now Belana almost regretted ever agreeing to this at all. Why did they have to go through this? Why could they not just have let him be the way he was? 

When the silence became too much to bear she risked a peek outside and her gaze sought his still form huddled in the far corner, his face a mask of rage, his pale eyes blazing. They had been talking about his training under Exar Kun a few minutes back, before Kell had flooded her mind with the remembrance of that cruel breaking. His master had not been kind to him. Kun had forbidden his apprentice to use his inborn magic as Cor'dan in an effort to force him to employ the Dark Side, a concept Kell had not understood in the beginning at all. Belana wondered briefly how a creature as cold as himself could ever have been this innocent.

Pushing the sheets aside she drew a deep breath. When he looked up at her the hurt and pain in his eyes was unmistakable. Fear had dominated his relationship to his master, fear and hatred. Kun had feared the young magician's power, something the Sith had been excluded from entirely and could never even come to understand properly himself. In turn he had made Kell fear his darkness and in the end had twisted the young man's mind in such a fashion that he had had no choice but to love the Dark Side. Curiosity and a hunger for knowledge had defined Roj Kell in the beginning, it would seem, and part of that had survived. Belana winced at that. Survial was the core of his being and whenever she came too close to examining his feelings on that he started thrashing in her grasp like a wild beast trying to break its chains. In a way he had been a human predator, with no regard to morals or ethics, fearing nothing and noone. And he had retained that trait too. The only thing she could do now was to endure his outbursts and soothe his pain. 

"But if you had that deeper understanding of the Force, why did you not forsee what the bond to Kun would do to you?" she asked finally, curious.

He raised his head slowly. "How could I have known? I had never met a Sith before in my life. Not that kind of Sith, at least. It seemed natural to bond with him to understand him properly. And, Belana, I am not all-knowing. Sometimes I doubt that even the Force knows everything."

"You can't be serious."

"Maybe, maybe not."

Belana could hear the regret in his voice as they talked about the power he had lost and she longed to take him in her arms, but he had forbidden her to touch him just yesterday. Whenever she came too close to him she could feel the heat radiating form his body, as if he were running a fever. It was the long-dormant presence of the cor'dan, he had explained, and now he had to battle both his loss of the Force and the reawakening of his old powers. In a moment of weakness Kell had even asked Belana for permission to reestablish his bond with the Force. She remembered her throat constricting with sincere compassion and empathy, but when she had sought council with Master Jeldo on the matter the Ho'Din had been aghast at the mere proposition. They did not want the events from three years back to be repeated. That had been yesterday and she had to pay for her subsequent refusal of Kell's request dearly. Right now her instincts were screaming at her to simply wrap him in her arms, no matter what, because he needed to feel her love to overcome this depression, but her mind countered calmly that he would kill her if she dared to come too close.

Suddenly he rose from his seat and she almost jumped, her heart beating wildly against her ribs when he walked over to her. But Kell stopped short before reaching the bed she was perching on. For a second something flashed across his eyes that frightened her, but Belana resolved to be brave and not let him see her fear. With a sigh he dropped down on the bed beside her, his shoulder slumped tiredly.

"Belana," he whispered.

"What is it, my love?"

"How can you trust me like this?"

"I simply do, Kell, and so far you have not disappointed my trust. Much. Which is a good sign, I believe, since you do not take advantage of my apparent weakness."

"You know how I feel?"

She nodded slowly: "I can sense it. You are on edge. But believe me, I do not mean you harm in any way. And if you experience this as some sort of captivity, maybe you must learn to accept that too."

"Do you feel like this all the time then?"

"No. I am used to it. Of course, sometimes I think about the obligations and duties that seem to hold me down, but they have their purpose too. And that purpose ist what I live for: to serve and to help."

"But I am no Jedi and I am not used to this." He turned his head to look at her fully: "And I do not want to get used to it." Belana swallowed hard. Could it be that all her effort would be for nothing? If she did not succeed he would die! When he reached out to brush a hand over her cheek she flinched back in surprise. "You perceive this as a test for your abilities, and I think you are doing this not for yourself as much as for my sake. Do you realize how selfish that is?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I guess I know."

"You want to take that choice from me." His voice was caressing her thoughts and filled her very soul with a warmth that turned her worries into nothing more than distant shadows. "But that is not the way of the Jedi. It is the Dark Side. Do you understand that?"

"Yes."

"Then you will realize that this is a futile endeavor and that you have to set me free to succeed. Am I right?"

"Ye - Wait!" Jerking her head away Belana shook her head to break the spell. Her dark eyes were throwing angry sparks. "Stop that!" she yelled in indignation, scolding herself for falling for his tricks again. He sighed deeply, a frown marring his forehead. "It does not work this way," Belana told him icily and rose to march over to the window. 

"A pity."

Gods, how did he manage to hurt her like this over and over again? Crossing her hands over her bleeding heart the Jedi Master closed her eyes warily. Was he worth it? Did she love him enough to forgive him those little cruelties that tormented her far more than he could fathom? He had to know that he was hurting her and yet he did not seem to care.

"Kell," she began quietly. "Do you love me?" Silence. "Kell?"

"I love you, yes," he answered at last. "But that love frightens me too."

"Because it makes you vulnerable?"

"Yes. You know that I always think ahead to consider the consequences. And this relationship will only spark trouble for both of us. I know that for certain."

"Why can't you just forget about the future? There is nothing you can do about it without losing the moment. Don't you see? How much have you forsaken yourself just to survive?"

Staring at her slender back he let the words play over and over again in his mind. It was true. He had set other things above his own happiness. The survival of the Sith was one of them, but that had been necessary for him to survive, or so he had thought. Until he had realized that the Dark Side would still linger on, even if the Sith were extinct. Proving his theory had been one of the motives which had led him to get himself captured by the Jedi three years back. He had managed to bring darkness to their hearts then, just as he did now. But he did not rely on the Dark Side anymore, did he? The balance was restored, in a way. A low groan emanated from his throat as he closed his eyes in dismay. 

Why was he fighting so hard? If he surrendered his pride he would regain his freedom much faster than if he were to continue this struggle. Logically. He had lost so much already, and there was no reason why he should lose even more now. Belana. Her love was something he wanted to keep under any circumstances. So far though he was viewing his feelings to her as an insurance against the Dark Side. She had saved him, in a way, and now he relied on her to keep on protecting him. How to overcome this? He did not know how he could manage the trust she put in him in return. But he could make a start.

"I have understood all that you have taught me, Belana. And I accept it."

The look she gave him when she turned around made him shiver. "Kell, I do not want you to surrender or anything," she answered quietly. "This is not supposed to be a breaking, you know?"

"Your fellow Jedi seem to view it as such."

"All too suspicious, my love. They may fear you, but they have learned. It is you who has to change his ways."

Nodding once he smiled at her. "Tell me, Belana, when you look at me, what do you see?"

"My love, that is not the question. How do you see yourself?"

When he jumped up suddenly Belana was not surprised by his outburst. She had felt his frustration build over the past minutes and now, as he advanced on her, muttering and ranting in a language she did not understand, she did not feel fear at all. His left arm came around and his hand locked around her neck, reminding her yet again of the destructive power bottled up inside of him. But all she could feel was his warm skin against hers, saw only his beautiful eyes, the serene features of his face. No, she did not fear him. He took her head in both of his hands and smiled slowly before he bent down to kiss her.

"Thank you," he whispered," for trusting me."

Tears began streaming down her cheeks when she realized that he had truly understood. Her confidence was not born out of the knowledge that he could not match her power anymore, but out of a sincere belief that he would not harm her in any way. And even though he had disappointed that faith a great many times she had still retained that belief, trying to show him relentlessly that he could rely on her in anything. 

"It was nothing," she replied at last, her voice choked with emotion, and he chuckled softly.

"I know. And I whish it were that easy for me."

Tarla was bristling with excitement as she rounded the corner to follow Gyro to Belana's apartments. News had just reached them that the Jedi Master had reported success and when the two young people turned into the already crowded hallway they could sense the relief and happiness permeating the group assembled there. The entire Council was there along with every Jedi that had been able to attend. In the midst of it all Belana Jen was accepting the others' congratulations beaming happily and at her side Roj Kell wore a benvolent smile on his handsome face. Without hesitating Tarla rushed over to Belana and wrapped her friend in her arms to hug her tightly before she repeated the same procedure on the Sith. He looked down at her, slightly surprised, but did not try to fend her off. 

"I am so happy for you!" the young apprentice exclaimed, completely sincere and laughed. Everyone was bathing in the beautiful feeling of community and understanding, and there was not the slightest trace of darkness to be found. Amazing.

"We are all grateful to have you here," Master Jeldo's voice boomed over the chatter of the crowd and suddenly all present fell silent to look at Roj Kell, waiting for his reaction.

He nodded solemnly: "As am I. My gratitude for your help is boundless, even though I must point out that Master Jen is most responsible for this turn of events." 

Tarla grinned nastily. Who would ever have though that the Sith could be this humble? Gyro elbowed her in the side playfully. 

"But," Kell continued, "we should not forget a certain young lady who also had a great part in this. Tarla?"

Her face flushed beet-red with embarrassment and joy. "Thank you," she managed.

But her enthusiasm faded abruptly when Belana gave her lover a tired and weary look. This battle was not over yet, the younger woman realized, dread paralyzing her for a moment. 

"What is it?" Gyro whispered and drew her aside.

"I am not sure ..."

"But I could most distinctly feel -"

"I know what you felt. There is something missing here."

"But he is sincere, can't you tell?"

"Yes, of course, and I am happy, as I said already. But still ..."

"Tarla!"

She whirled around at the sound of Zerkan's calm voice with a wide smile on her face. "Master! You are back!"

He rushed over to her, his eyes sparkling with pride: "I heard. Well done, my Padawan."

"Oh, she will not remain one for much longer," a new voice added and Zerkan nodded as Master Jeldo joined them.

"Does that mean-?"

"That you will be facing your trials? Yes," the Ho'Din explained good-naturedly. "Your idea worked out nicely and you have shown that you are capable of forgiveness and compassion. The most important traits of a Jedi Knight."

"Wow!" Tarla could not believe her luck and completely missed the exchange of glances between Zerkan and Master Jeldo.

"With permission," her master said and bowed toward the Ho'Din. "I would ask the Council for a hearing."

"Of course."

"And I would ask Roj Kell to attend too."

"I see. Very well. We will meet at once."

Belana was not inclined to give up her good mood just yet. She was hanging on to Kell's left arm happily as they followed Master Jeldo and the Council side by side into the meeting hall. 

Zerkan had not told them what this was to be going about as of yet and she felt that she did not really want to know either. Once inside the Council Chamber the Council took their seats and then everyone's eyes were turned to the Jedi Master who had initiated this get-together. Taking his place in the middle of the floor he shot a quick glance at Kell that made Belana all too suspicious. And Zerkan's opening words confirmed that suspicion.

"We have uncovered disturbing news: apparently the Sith are ready to move again." Now everyone was looking at the single Sith standing stiffly at Belana's side.

"Roj Kell, were you aware of this?" Master Jeldo asked quietly, sadly even, as if he would truly regret having to go back to the incident three years back again. Belana stared at her lover pleadingly. But she knew, didn't she, that he had no part in this. Over the three years she had been with him they had never met with other Sith. At least she hadnot been aware of such meetings. When he shook his head his long hair caressed her cheeks soothingly.

"I do not know anything about this," he confirmed and his tone was one of utmost sincerity. With his Force shields gone there was no room left for any deception on his part and Belana could see Master Jeldo nod in aquiesance. 

Zerkan gave him a grim smile and continued: "Since we did not have the opportunity to venture deeper into their territory I suggest a scout team to take care of this mission. Belana Jen and Lord Kell would be the perfect pair."

A mutual groan rose from the crowd at that proposition. It was the obvious solution, since Kell was known among the Sith and Belana could act as his apprentice. But when she looked up at him she could see the doubt in his eyes even before he inclined his head pensively. His lips twitched with disdain and suddenly he gently loosened her grip on his arm and strode into the middle of the floor to join Zerkan. 

"With permission," he began, his beautiful voice captivating everyone's attention with its stately, enchanting harmonics. "Master Zerkan may believe this to be a good idea, but I am not well liked among the Sith. In fact," here he smiled, "in fact most of them hate me with a passion."

"Are you serious?"

"Very much so. But on the other hand my presence among them is not unusual either. They do not dare stand up to me."

"Understandable," Master Jeldo commented with a mild smile.

"Is it?" Kell asked absent-mindedly, his pale eyes glazing over ever so slightly. "I need not remind you that safe for my reputation there is nothing I can offer to protect Belana on this mission."

The Jedi Master drew a deep breath. He was right! Biting her lower lip hard Belana sighed, then nodded once toward her lover. "That is true. But if I may?" Kell smiled at her tenderly and held out a hand, inviting her to join him. She did and wrapped her right arm around his waist, squeezing him affectionately. "Kell and I could act as some sort of distraction while another team does the real recognaissance work."

"A distraction? Why would we need to distract them?" Zerkan frowned.

"How long do you think it will take them to figure out that something is wrong with him?" she shot back. "They will want to know what it is. And that will give the second team the time they need."

"That is far too dangerous!" Tarla exclaimed suddenly, clearly concerned.

"Almost too dangerous," Jeldo stated calmly. "But in one respect Master Zerkan is right: Lord Kell has the greatest insight into the Sith and their strategies. Master Jen can protect him and go as his apprentice. And if you two keep a bit apart from the Sith it will not register as unsual either, if I understood you correctly. So, if you are careful I imagine you could uncover quite a lot."

"Of course," Kell agreed, a wide smile appearing on his face. "That is just perfect. And it might work. But let us opt for a compromise. Belana and I will go in first, and I suggest that Master Zerkan leads a second team in case we fail. I do not wnat to endanger Belana more than necessary. If anything goes wrong you can get her out," he added, sounding very quiet indeed and his open concern melted her heart away.

"Let's do it," she whispered and buried her face in the soft cloth covering his chest, totally unashamed in front of the others. She loved him and she wanted everyone to know.

Tarla smiled at the couple despite her worries. But then, she had seen Kell's magic at work and she suspected that he was not as helpless as it might seem. And his plan sounded very reasonable. The most astunding though had been his willingness to sacrifice himself for Belana. Apparently he was thinking only of her safety. Strange, wasn't it, how easily he had managed to disperse their suspicions and turn into a trusted ally. And Tarla found that she truly did that, trust him. She only hoped that he would not disappoint them now. Suddenly a hand was deposited on her shoulder and she turned her head to look up at Gyro.

"Tarla, do you want to volunteer for the mission?"

"Only if you do to," she answered with a smile.

"That goes without saying," he shot back, grinning. "Master Zerkan!"

"Yes, Gyro?" the older man frowned at him.

"Tarla and I will accompany you, if you permit it."

"Well, I -"

"They will do," Master Jeldo stated, cutting Zerkan's protests short. "And it will be a good experience for both of them. Besides, the three of you have been working together nicely on Alderaan, haven't you?"

"They are too young," the Jedi Master countered heatedly.

Tarla suppressed a sigh at Zerkan's attitude. Why was he acting so protectively now? Hadn't he just a few hours ago told her that she was ready to face her trials? And now he was treating her as if she were a child again. Strange that. But understandable. Bowing toward the Council the young woman beamed up at them brightly.

"If I may?"

"Of course."

"We appreciate Master Zerkan's concern, but if we are not allowed to grow experienced we will never get off the ground, so to speak." Mentally crossing her fingers she hoped that Gyro would not interfere now. But luckily he kept silent. "What I mean is that we are young and that we have to learn. Even the hard way, if necessary."

A sharp laugh rang through the chamber and she did not have to guess at who had uttered it. Shooting a venomous glare at Roj Kell she saw him shake his head almost imperceptibly. 

"What," she barked. He simply shrugged.

"Nothing. You just did not seem so eager to leave the safe embrace of the Jedi Temple a few days back. But I for one welcome your desire to learn."

"Lord Kell," Zerkan injected coolly. "Just out of curiosity: how old where you when you began to - gain experiences?"

"I think I was ten years old when my mother began teaching me."

"You mother was -?"

"She was Cor'dan, a Sith witch, if you will. My father, before you ask, was a Dark Jedi."

"And you are a Cor'dan now?"

"Just Cor'dan. The Heart of Darkness. But there is more to your question, am I right?"

"I am concerned for Belana. You said that you cannot protect her and yet your claim to be some sort of wizard. Can you explain that contradiction?"

"With the greatest pleasure," Kell replied coolly and Tarla winced when that eerie sensation she had first experienced back on Alderaan began to permeate the entire chamber. There was no anger to be felt from the Sith, just calm control. Blue lightning began to run down the walls, earthing itself in the patterned marble floor. When Roj Kell spoke again in a language noone could understand his voice ripped through all of them, wiping their brains clean of any thought. Tarla felt sick by the time Belana broke the spell by focusing her own, shielded mind and snapping her fingers once.

"It is quite easy to counter," the Jedi Master told them calmly. "All you need is to concentrate on your shields. He cannot break them. The only thing he can use is what you offer him, you see? It looks impressive, but compared to the Force it is nothing." She smiled up at her lover. "On the other hand and on another level I am well aware of the fact that it is a quite irresistible power. Am I right?"

Roj Kell laughed out loud. She had learned a lot. And even though he was just a little bit angry at her for that demonstration he knew very well that it had been him who had initiated it in the first place. If the Jedi now believed that despite everything he would pose no threat to them they were very right in assuming that too. A pity. He heaved a sigh and regarded the gaping faces of the other beings present in the room calmly. 

"It is true. All I can provide is a - distraction. No more."

"Impressive," Master Jeldo conceded at last. "Most impressive. And now that we know what you are going to face, are you ready to undertake that mission? Roj Kell and Master Jen will go in first and Master Zerkan plus Knight Gyro and Tarla will stay in the background to observe their progress. Acceptable?"

"Very much so. Let's do it."

"Thank you. And may the Force be with every one of you."

Kell fought to keep his face impassive, but he was certain that his pain was plain for everyone else around him. He could tell by their concerned and compassionate expressions, could see it in Belana's dark eyes. Damn, he did not need their pity, nor did he want it! A low growl rose in his throat. This was a dilemma he was not prepared to face yet. Closing his eyes he shook his head slowly. But maybe it was time to face the past after all. An arm snaked around Belana's shoulder gently for support against the overwhelming sense of empathy emanating from the Jedi. Did they truly understand him? He doubted it. But she did, didn't she? Belana was the only one except himself who had an inkling of what he was going through right now. 

Being cut off from the Force was harder than any of them could anticipate, not only because he could feel himself turn back into what he had been before his bonding with the Force. Something he could not be again. Gods, this was all so difficult for him! He could not even think straight anymore. All of his life seemed to unravel before his inner eye, dragging him back to the very core of his being. And for a long moment he hoped that the Ho'Din's benediction would help protect Belana in whatever they were about to face.


	4. Heart of Darkness

Redemption

Belana was busy packing her belongings when a tentative knock at the door caught her attention. She had felt Zerkan's approach much earlier, of course, but it was seen as polite not to rely on the other's perception and to announce a visit properly instead. Looking up at the Jedi Master she smiled.

"Kell is not here?" he asked wearily.

"No," Belana shook her head. "I believe he was going to talk to Master Jeldo again."

"I see." For a while they both fell silent, but to her it was clear that there was something important on his mind. Why then was he so hesitant? They were friends, after all. And he knew that he could trust her with anything.

"So? What is it you are dying to tell me but do not dare to voice?"

Zerkan shrugged, embarrassed. "A warning. Remember when you told me about the vision you had on Alderaan?" Belana nodded slowly. "Maybe you believe that this crisis has been passed. At first I thought so too, but I have this feeling that the danger is still out there. Are you certain that he has understood everything?"

"He has, I can sense it. But-" Belana stopped herself short. What would he say if she told him that she could sense a darkness growing in her lover? One of a different kind than what she had ever felt there before, and one she suspected seemed different only to those who knew Roj Kell better. 

"But what?"

"Well, he told me that he is returing to his original self, now that the bond is broken."

"And what is that self?"

"He won't say. Scary- - huh?"

"This is serious, Belana."

She shrugged: "Of course it is, and I should know, right? But he is keeping himself under control." Shivering inwardly the Jedi Master was certain that she was getting closer to the core of the problem than she wanted to. But as long as Kell did not tell her himself it would remain no more than guessing.

"Very well. We cannot force him to reveal anything, so we will have to wait and beware. Apart from that, Master Jeldo said that my team is to go in after you have made the jump. Five days behind you at the most. Think you can last that long?"

"I guess we shall have to, am I right?"

Keeping his back very straight Roj Kell tried to ignore the Ho'Din's giant appendages clasped around his head as the Jedi Master studied him intently. Bent over the kneeling Sith Jeldo's breath, smelling sweet and musk, caressed his face gently, soothingly. But Kell had a hard time keeping his mind in check. If Jeldo found anything unusual ... 

"You are agitated."

"No surprise there," the Sith countered calmly.

"Tell me more about this Cor'dan business."

"Why do you want to know?"

"I am merely curious."

"I see. Of course." He hesitated a bit, uncertain of how to proceed. Revealing too much could cost him his head, he knew, and yet, maybe the Jedi would understand him better if he did tell him about the Darkness. "There is the belief that the world of the dead and the living is one, and the guardian of both is Cor'dan. The belief says that we were born from darkness, as we are still born from the dark womb of our mother into the bright day. Undera gha dan, light and dark, are two parts of one, with the - ," Kell stopped, struggling to put it into words of Basic, but found that there was nothing that could compare to the feelings and pictures this word evoked in him.

"The what?"

"The middle. A stream of - life?"

"The Force?"

"No. I am not sure how to explain it. The Force is the base of everything, but as a symbol it stands for Life itself and that is not all. It is - a matter of balance."

"A balance the Cor'dan has to keep?"

"Yes."

Master Jeldo took a step back and straightened up, clearly worried about something. "What happens when the Cor'dan loses one of both parts?"

"That depends, doesn't it?" Kell bit his lower lip hard. "On which one is lost."

"If you have lost the Force, meaning Life, then the only thing left is Darkness." The Ho'Din shook his head vehemently. "That cannot be. Or can it?"

"The Force is with every living creature, Master Jeldo, whether is is aware of that or not."

"Then it is with you too."

Silence. Rising gracefully Roj Kell simply gave the Jedi a long look before he whirled around to leave. As he had said, the Force was with everything. Just as the darkness. But the fact that one did not exclude the other did not necessarily mean that they were comparable. There was no light without darkness, no life without death. And no Cor'dan could exist for long if that balance was lost. The only reason why he was not dead yet was the manner of the parting. But without balance he would not last. The problem was that Kell had the nasty feeling that he would have to go through everything again to regain that state. Everything. Unfortunately the Jedi would kill him if he did. Which was why he had agreed so readily to go on this mission. Roj Kell did not care if any Sith was hurt in the process, the only one he cared for right now was Belana. And Master Zerkan and the others would be there to protect her, if need be. 

Stalking down the lofty hallways of the temple he relished the peace of the great construct.

The light falling through the large windows painted everything in gold as the evening came on ever so slowly. For a moment he paused to look out over the mountains, remembering the game he had played the last time that he had been on Coruscant. In a way this was a repetition of the same procedure, and he was not at all certain if the Jedi would be so forgiving a second time. No, if Master Jeldo knew he would probably kill him right away instead of asking foolish questions. So, best to keep some things secret. The Force was with Roj Kell and her name was Belana Jen. She did not realize it yet, but she would, in the end. And the Cor'dan would be completed once more. Until then though he had to get her used to her new role in the scheme of things, or more precisely, in his schemes. When she had told him to live the moment instead of the future he had been astounded at her insight. Three years of training her had only served to broaden her view beyond the limits the Jedi had set for themselves. 

A view he himself had learned to accept a long, long time ago. 

The flight was long and Belana was curled up on her bunk, waiting for Kell to finish his check-up in the cockpit. He had hardly spoked throughout take-off and somehow she felt this rebuke all the more since the last night on Coruscant had been quite ... romantic. It had reminded her of the time they had spent on Alderaan, just as enchanting and beautiful. Something must be on his mind. The mission? No, he had seemed quite confident about that. But she had the feeling that he was determined to keep his distance from her. But why? She did not understand this. Now that they were closer than ever before he was retreating again.

Hugging her knees to her body she stared into the distance pensively. It had something to do with her, she suspected, and the fact that he did not tell her rankled even more at that thought. Why could he not simply trust her? Didn't she show him time and again that he could rely on her? Maybe she was naive to believe that this would evoke the same committment she felt in him. 

"Belana?"

Looking up she met his pale green gaze with a smile. He seemed too earnest for her taste, far too somber. That was something else she had noticed: despite the broken bond to the Force he was glowing with an ever-growing fire of darkness that she had felt most acutely last night.

"Are we already there?"

"No, no. I just wanted to make sure that you are all right."

"Well, I am. So?" she raised her eyebrows expectantly.

"It will be dangerous."

"You told me that already. Several times, as I recall." He was fidgeting now, massaging his temples nervously and bristling with worry. What was wrong? "Kell," Belana tried. "There is something you aren't telling me. Perhaps you should know that I can sense you again and what I can feel from you is pretty scary sometimes." His face fell: 

"You know?"

She rose suddenly, anger flaring in her mind briefly and when she spoke again her voice was harsh and cold. "Don't play with me," the Jedi Master told him and shook her head vehemently. "There is nothing that I can hide from you, so don't try to make me believe that you were not aware of this." 

The ice in his eyes stopped her short and then he simply shrugged, as if it did not matter. It did matter, for Force's sake!

"So I lied to you. What did you expect? I could hardly trust you to keep that secret."

"What?" Belana yelled, abolutely furious. "What have I done to deserve this?"

"I know you. You trust those who are kind to you and despite what I taught you, you still want to believe that the way you treat them will reflect back on you. They will use you, for the greater good of the Jedi, if you are not careful."

"That is not true."

"It is. Do you know why they did not kill me? Because they knew that if they did you would leave. And they need you, my dear."

"What for?"

"Your idealism and strength is precious to any leadership. You want to help people and you are curious. Gods, Belana, if every Jedi were like you there would be no Sith."

"I do not understand. They were genuinely happy that you were returned to us."

His left hand locked around her neck very suddenly, making her gasp in shock at the sight of his blazing eyes as he hissed: "Fool! Did I not warn you that they would see it as another kind of breaking? They were glad that you had succeeded this time, no more, Belana, no more. And I was not returned to you, as you know very well. I never was a Jedi."

"You are too suspicious..." Belana whispered, feeling tears stream down her cheeks.

"No way. I myself gave Master Jeldo the weapon he sought. They did not trust me one inch from the very beginning and despite all the courteous talk all they wanted was to make me their pet. Belana, of what use could I have been to them safe as proof for their victory?"

"Not everything needs to be useful."

"But there is nothing useless, Belana. Think about it. And the only use I could have had for your Council were two things. They never mentioned the other."

"Your knowledge. But why should they want that dark lore?"

"Because it is true. Survival is the key to everything."

"The Jedi protect life. Is that not the same? Why has there to be this sort of powerplay and all these games?"

"We are so weak, Belana, compared to the Force. We are mortal and we struggle to live every single day. While I play games to survive as an individual your Jedi group together to fight this vulnerability, giving themselves titles and rights that serve to protect themselves most."

"No," she protested. "You are just trying to convince me of your view and twist mine around. I know who I am and where I belong." Shaking her head she freed herself of his graps and pushed past him, feeling that she would suffocate if she stayed this close to him one moment longer.

"Belana." His quiet tone held her back. She closed her eyes, shivering inwardly with confusion and doubt. "I told Jeldo that you came this close to breaking me the last time. Remember? Back then I teased you, said that you would not dare to walk that path. But I wanted you to dare and become more than the Jedi Council's puppet. Because you deserve that freedom. Jeldo agreed to Tarla's plan, a wholly innocent proposition on her part whose shrewdness she did not even realize, I think. He took the bait immediately. And when you went to him to get permission for me to reestablish the bond he refused. Why do you think that was so? Hardly because he thought that I did not have the strength to cope with it and had to learn it. Do I come off that weak?"

"No," she sighed, as the truth in his words worked its way past her protective, mental barriers.

"True forgiveness and compassion would have meant to grant me that whish."

"Yes."

"They want to control me just as they control you. Very subtle, but it is there. You are used to that existence, you tell me, and you do not mourn your freedom." He paused briefly, then continued more forcefully: "I am different, and because of that difference I am not blinded to reality the way you and your fellow Jedi are. Even the Sith are that blind. Where the Jedi see only the light the Sith seek merely darkness. The limits and restrictions the Jedi are under serve one purpose: to hide the truth. Without them they would soon realize that the darkness is part of the light, its reflection. Which is why they want my knowledge to vanish and to get me to accept their lessons. You have learned the truth, I know, but you do not live it."

"Is that why you agreed to this mission?"

"Yes. I want you to be free. Only then I can trust you fully. Without the Jedi Council always hovering at you back and clouding your perception."

"You want to turn me to the Dark Side."

When his arms wrapped around her waist, drawing her against his body, Belana started crying again. His breath caressed her cheeks gently, drying the tears: "I tried for three years, Belana, and you are still shining as brightly as the morning sun."

She shuddered slightly, realizing the truth. Three years back Roj Kell had defied the Temple and he had emerged victorious, his need for survival winning out over the light of the Jedi. The fact that he was neither a true Sith nor a Dark Jedi did not count with the Council. All they could see was black and white, and by taming him they would be able to claim to be still stronger and more wiser than him. In a way they had tried to erase the memory of their defeat by giving him a second chance. And he had seen through that barely concealed net and leash right away. Then something else hit her. Stiffening a bit her mind went into a jumble of competing emotions, but then she asked, her voice trembling: "How come you can sense me at all?"

He could feel her sudden revelation and sighed inwardly. They were getting closer to the core of the problem and he knew perfectly well that he could not just have overwhelmed her with a straight answer instead of a half-truth or lie, as Belana had called it. Maybe he should just stop fighting. But he was already tainted, wasn't he? Too bad. 

"A light in the dark, you said it yourself. When the light is suddenly gone your eyes need to get accustomed to the gloom first too, right? The same here."

"And what will happen now?"

"Something good, I hope." Suddenly the nav comp started beeping in alarm. "Looks like we are here," Kell announced and both he and Belana went to take their places in the cockpit. The landing was performed in perfect silence and Belana did not seem to be inclined to discuss the topic further. 

"What is this place called?" she asked finally. They had landed close to a lake, the tundra stretching out as far as the eye could see, but he could sense the distastant forests easily. Looking around he stared at the landscape, remembering and identifying the clues it gave him as to the state of the planet, the current season and its inhabitants. He frowned, searching his memory in vain.

"A stronghold of the Sith, but they don't venture too deep into the swamps and mountains. The terrain is pretty rough out there."

"How many can we expect?"

"Not many. Maybe twenty."

"Twenty!"

"Calm down," he told her with a smile. "We only want to observe, after all."

But once they had left the secure presence of the ship he felt himself drawn in several directions. Should he just go and seek out his old hiding place or should he stay with Belana and follow her? Was he to leave her behind and venture into the Sith's territory alone first or could they just walk in there? He was not certain at all which approach would be best. And even though reason told him quite vehemently that the Sith were not to be trusted he longed for something he had called home for quite a long time. For despite their dislike of him he had known nothing else for the past few hundred years. 

"And now?" Belana asked, her arms crossed in front of her, a frown marring her pretty face.

Kell stood there, dumb-founded, his mind completely blank. He knew the layout of the plains and mountains and swamps as well as of the Sith fortress, having explored all of them at his leisure already. He needed to be focused. But there were so many impressions, things that had changed over th past on the planet that he had a hard time concentrating on the task at hand. 

"Maybe we should have a look at this fortress?" she ventured, seemingly uneasy. He could feel her worry and wondered briefly what she was afraid of. Not waiting anymore Kell began striding in the vague direction of the fortress, fully expecting Belana just to follow and keep up. "Hey!" she called after him. "We need a plan!"

"No, we don't. You say you want to scout them out and that we will do. I know the terrain and you don't. Simple."

"Too simple," she growled back and caught up to him. "And don't walk that fast."

Sharpening his senses Kell was tracing the light and shadows, the ridges bordering the distant horizon and the wind blowing in their faces. He adopted an easy gait that would allow him to go for miles without tiring too much and as the day went on he completely forgot about his companion, solely guided by one goal he had to reach. When he stopped from time to time to watch something in the distance he was fully aware of Belana's silent probing, yet he did not care. Her presence was welcome, but in no way disruptive. She fit in his little world perfectly. As he had known she would. By dusk they had finally reached the edge of the forest and Belana was complaining about her aching legs. Immediately he hunted around for a suitable resting place and led her over toward a felled tree that had dropped over a medium sized depression and offered pretty good shelter, considering the circumstances.

"There's a pond or lake close by," he told her.

"What?"

"The ground is slightly moist, and look at the vegetation."

"We have water rations, you know? Are you hungry, by the way?"

He looked at her, embarrassed. "Of course. I forgot. And yes, I would very much like to eat something." She was shaking her head at him, then went to unpack. Suddenly a sound nearby made his ears perk up. Some small animal, he suspected. 

"Kell?"

"Hm?"

"Why are you so nervous?"

"Nervous?"

"Restless, whatever. Can't you just calm down?"

"Why should I?"

"Because you are getting on my nerves."

That brought him back into the here-and-now. Straightening slightly he gave her a very cold look. She was right. He should keep himself in check better. After all, there was no need to go back that far. Curling up next to her he took the food and water she offered, but insisted that she ate and drank first. And Belana was still looking at him cross-wise when she snuggled up to him to sleep. "Promise me one thing," she said drily. "By tomorrow you will be the Sith I know, all right?" He chuckled at that, even though he was not certain what she meant. 

Belana was trying hard to understand the sudden change in her lover's behavior. It was as if something had just gone in his head and made him a ... something. The way he was studying her, as if he belived she would vanish if he did not look at her was strange, and his absent-mindedness was wholly unusual. Normally he was focused on his companions, not on his surroundings, but this time it was different. Somehow he took her presence for granted. Finally she drifted off to sleep, but the feelings she could pick up from him made her curious. He was obviously dreaming and Belana decided to take a step closer. What she could sense were a fierce protectiveness, curiosity and regret, fond remembrance and fear. She balked at that. Why was he afraid? She woke suddenly, the same time his head came up and his chin bumped against her left cheek. He did not seem to notice. But the darkness she could feel was overwhelming. There were Dark-Siders very close. The Sith. 

"You are still shining as brightly as the morning sun", he had told her not so long ago. Gods, had she forgotten to shield her mind? And then the truth hit her. Not she had betrayed them, but Kell had. But had he not considered that possibility? Apperently so. Biting her lips Belana hesitated to go for her lightsaber. She was supposed to be his apprentice and she would act only when he did. Looking over at him she could hardly see the expression on his face, but his eyes were glowing yellow with an inner light. Suddenly a torchlight cut through the gloom, blinding her. Kell gave a strangled cry, then rose abruptly, a scowl on his face.

"And who do we have here?" a voice asked cheerfully. "Lord Kell and-? It has been quite a long time."

"Yes," he answered and Belana gasped in surprise. His voice had never had this much power before and the air was crackling with Sith magic. The newcomer hesitated.

"We picked up your presence and decided to escort you over. Why didn't you land closer to the fortress? Don't tell me you forgot the coordinates."

"We were enjoying the landscape," Belana heard her companion whisper, and she blushed involuntarily at the other man's sudden roaring laughter. 

"I am sure you did. Come. We have a hoovercraft over there."

The Jedi Master could sense the other Sith's uneasiness as he guided them toward a huge lake not far away. So Kell had been right about that. She risked a quick glance over at his tense form and found his eyes back to normal. The hoovercraft was occupied by two more passengers, a man and a Twi'lek female. They were both frowning at them. 

"Who's that pretty little thing?" the man asked, leering at Belana. Without hesitating Kell struck him across the face and hissed:

"She's my apprentice, so keep your hands off her. Understood?"

"Sure. No need to get so hostile."

The night was still pitch-black, but once they had boarded and the craft was under way, making good speed across the water in eerie silence, Belana could make out a distant tower looming into the sky. The closer they came, the more was revealed of the small fortress built close to the waterfront. All she could feel from her lover was a bleak wall of anger, and she realized that he tried to shield himself that way against any intrusion on the other Sith's part. She only hoped that it would work. But the looks the threesome gave Kell and especially her were far from reassuring. Did they suspect something already? Mentally crossing her fingers she tried to appear wholly unconcerned. But as they neared the fortress the darkness became overwhelming.

A pier was built into the lake and the hoovercraft elegantly glided into position next to it. Stepping off the boat Kell caught Belana's hand when she nearly stumbled, too nervous to concentrate on her own two feet. They followed their hosts in silence and she hated having to rely completely on him to do the right thing since they had no way of communicating ins secret. The fortress was bustling with life and the Jedi Master realized that Kell had led her into the heart of the enemy, where the next attacks on the Jedi and the Republic would be planned. A clever move, but in his current state far too dangerous. Had he realized that? She doubted it. There was a lot he had not seemed to have taken into consideration in preparation for this mission. As if he trusted his luck and his abilities to work in their favor. Why this sudden change? Usually he would analyse the situation before he acted. Now it was as if he were acting on instinct and experience, not logic and reason. Maybe he had meant that when he had told her that he was turning back to his old self. Should that be the case they were as good as lost. He must have picked up on her mood, for his hand found hers easily, squeezing her fingers in silent understanding. Belana relaxed a bit, but felt her throat constrict in sudden panic when they stepped into a brightly lit hall full of beings of various species, all looking at them suspiciously. 

A flash of something got past Kell's shield of fury and made Belana shudder inwardly. She had not known that he hated the Sith so much. Regarding his first experiences with them it should not have come as a surprise, but so far the Jedi Master had been under the impression that he was above that. Apparently she had been mistaken. But unfortunately she was not the only one who had picked up on his mood. Belana could feel the suspicion deepen by a thousandfold. And she knew exactly why. Even if Kell was angry he hid his anger well, but this time that option was not available to him. The usually so cold Sith Lord protecting his apprentice, having difficulties with his mental shields and acting all out weird. They were definitely done for. 

"Ah, you are back. An honor," a Chadra'Fan with madly gleaming eyes welcomed them. Kell nodded slowly.

"Indeed. I see that you have a lot going on. Care to enlighten me?"

"Not before you tell us what you want."

Cocking his head to one side the Cor'dan regarded his opponent with a face void of any emotion. But the fury lurking behind his features was unmistakable. He started pacing around the Chadra'Fan slowly, and Belana shivered involuntarily when Sith magic began running down the walls and the air started shimmering with raw power. "What I want is information," he said calmly. "And no questions." The thin smile he gave the assembly was without any humor and Belana could see the others straining to overcome the influence of his enchanting voice. But she knew, didn't she, that they would succeed in the end. Very quietly she lay a hand on the hilt of her lightsaber, her dark eyes constantly searching for a possible threat, as if they had not landed in the middle of a nest of vipers anyway. And still Kell was holding his own. 

"What is it with you?" the Chadra'Fan, obviously the leader of the group, managed finally, a strangled gasp that he pressed past his own efforts to defeat the dizzy spell locked in his head.

"Just answer the question."

"You could have guessed, I believe. It has been three years since our last offensive and now we will strike again."

"Where?"

"What do you care?"

"Tactics, strategy. You know me. I like to be informed about such things."

"Very well. First at Alderaan, it is the easiest prey to us and sufficiently close to the Core to rattle them. Then we will jump back and forth to disperse the Republic and Jedi troops."

"Guerillia tactics then. Good, very good. And the only reasonable choice, if I may add."

"Gah! Stop this!" the Sith leader screamed and Belana was positively shaking by now. 

Roj Kell laughed. "Oh no, that is impossible, I fear," he explained and took a step back to hold his lover's right hand. 

As the magic earthed itself through her Belana finally understood what he was doing. His touch allowed her to see the world through his eyes and perceive the darkness writhing through the assembled Sith like a black cloud of doom. Kell was connected to it, feeding on it to increase his own power and he could not let go that easily without causing a backlash that would not only wipe out all of the beings joined here, but also the fortress. Shaking her head the Jedi Master fought the sickness rising up her throat valiantly and then he let go of her again. Bu the Chadra'Fan had observed that little exchange with an expert eye and struck immediately. It cost him much, that was clear, but Belana was too preoccupied to react when his lightsaber arched at her suddenly.

"No!" 

The single word exploded through the ranks of the Sith like a torpedo, ripping apart several of them in a gust of incredible power. The Jedi Master brought her own weapon to bear, but the spell was broken as Kell shifted his focus immediately to protect her. Blocking an underhand strike she whirled around, face grim, to meet her opponent, but the darkness made her skin crawl when her lover shot past her, a feral snarl marring his features, and threw himself at the Chadra'Fan bodily. Don't act on instinct! Belana pleaded silently, but she was too late. On impact Kell was thrown back again and then he was almost lost in a sea of bodies, crowding him in. Run! The tiny voice of reason was screaming at her, but Belana hesitated. And then her world went dark.


	5. Deadly Seeds

Redemption

It was early morning and Tarla was walking the park in silence. But this time she was completely at ease, no worries nagging at the back of her mind. She liked to believe that it had to do with Roj Kell not being here, but the young woman knew that her inner peace was due to a newfound trust in the Cor'dan. He had not turned the Jedi's offer down and he had not fought them again. Instead he had been very cooperative and appeared genuinely happy at this turn of events. Maybe all he wanted had been some peace himself, and Belana Jen's company. As far as Tarla had understood the first had not been an option for him over a long period of time, where he had been constantly on the run either from the Jedi or the Sith. A strange existence he had chosen there. And yet, his title fascinated the newly knighted Jedi. She had thought at length about the implications of the Heart of Darkness and what Master Jeldo had been willing to share from his conversation with the Sith just before he had left with Belana. To her it seemed that he was much more of a guardian than anyone thought. Had he not told them himself that he was no warrior? Additionally the young woman found that someone as attracted to beauty and life could not be basically evil. 

"Tarla!" Turning around she smiled at Gyro who was hurrying toward her along the graveled path. "We are ready to leave!"

"Good." Wrapping her arms around him she hugged him closer. 

"The voyage isn't that long. Too bad that they can't report back. Else we would know what we are about to face."

"I just hope that they are all right. Both of them."

"Yes." His mouth turned into a grim line. 

"What is it?" she asked, slightly bewildered.

"Just a feeling. About what Master Zerkan said."

"The vision Belana had?"

"Hm-hm. We all thought that it meant Kell's imprisonment back here, but maybe ..."

"If they get captured they will get out again. You know Kell. I doubt that he is as helpless as it seems."

"I would not be so sure about that. He was upset about his loss of power and concerned too. We have no idea what he was like before his bonding with the Force."

Tarla shook her head, frowning. "But that does not matter. After all he has not suffered amnesia or anything. Kell remembers and he can't just forget all of his previous experiences, am I right?"

"Yes, you are right. I guess we will see once we have rejoined them."

Waking up Belana felt groggy. Her head hurt terribly and she was awfully cold. It was dark around her and very quiet. Suddenly reality caught up with her again and she rose with a strangled scream. But she did not get far. Her wrists were fixed in metal shackles that were connected to the far wall. No light fell into the small room she found herself in and the Jedi Master felt her skin crawl with worry. Where was Kell? Taking a deep breath she closed her eyes to recuperate. Belana let her mind fall deep into herself, the way her last master had taught her, and reached out to the golden light he had first shown her back on Alderaan. The Force filled her gradually, but it could not conquer the darkness she could sense all around. When the door opened Belana calmly held on to the light as she looked up to meet her captor's gaze. Not the Chadra'Fan she had expected, but a tall human. He wore the apparently traditional black robes of a Sith warrior, but, like Kell, his forearms were covered by shining armor. Looking down at her coolly he came forward slowly, measuring her up and down. She thought she could even see curiosity lurk in the back of his blue eyes. Dropping down on his haunches in front of her he reached out to cup her face in his right hand. 

"A pretty one. And strong in the Force too."

"What did you expect?" Belana challenged him defiantly, but did not even try to free herself from his grasp.

"You are right. A special apprentice for a special master. If I am not mistaken you are a Jedi Knight."

"And you are a Sith Lord."

"Clever answer. He is gone, you know?"

"Gone?"

"Exactly." Rising abruptly he went to check on the chains holding her. "Roj Kell, the survivor. He always finds a way to escape. Always. It is astounding."

Belana felt her heart freeze for a second. Then he had simply abandoned her? But no, what could he have accomplished all on his own? He would get help, wouldn't he? 

"Yes, astounding," she echoed quietly.

"My name is Sechan, by the way. Since your master was so considerate as to kill Loata I have risen in his place. He killed quite a lot of us during his flight, I should add. But maybe you could enlighten me as to what is wrong with him. He has lost, how shall I put it, his calm composure." His left hand brushed over her cheek as he continued: "And somehow I have the feeling that you know all about it." Closing her eyes Belana held her breath when he kept on caressing her cheeks and forehead. She was positively shivering by the time he knelt down next to her, his warm breath flowing over her neck almost tenderly. "Tell me, my dear Jedi: how come someone like you finds herself in the company of the likes of him?"

"A twist of fate?"

He laughed aloud. "Fate? Roj Kell and fate, that does not go together well. Don't you ask yourself why he has left you here to - die?" 

"No. I do not question my master."

Again a laugh, but this time it seemed much meaner than before. "A good girl. Very good. I think I will enjoy your company very much."

"And what makes you believe that you are even worthy of my presence?"

When he touched her again Belana was overwhelmed by his darkness and only shortly after her screams echoed throughout the room while his laughter filled her ears with its cruel staccato. Kell! she screamed inwardly, but her desperate call could not break the bonds her fear had placed on her. No way. 

He was breathing hard, his blood boiling with the rush of adrenalin and his eyes burning with the golden light of darkness. Leaving her behind had been the hardest thing to do but also the only solution to guarantee both their survival. His head came up sharply, ears perking up when he picked up the sound of hoovercraft headed his way. Relying on senses honed by centuries of survival Kell refrained from using the Force in any form, and kept his mind very still. All there was left to guide him were his instincts and those were no different from those of the predators populating the forests and swamps. He started racing through the undergrowth again, adopting the restless gait of the nightly hunters, and headed for the morning. Belana had been a most adept student and she would last for as long as it would take him to get her out again. But there were always risks, weren't there? The torchlights cutting through the gloom could not reach him as Kell was keeping to the shadows adeptly. There was no way they could catch up to him in this terrain. He knew the planet far better than any of them and when he dropped down a cliff into a gorge lined with rocks and giant trees he slid down the sheer wall unconcernedly.

Live the moment. Roj Kell snorted at that. Most people never realized what that meant. Drop down. Catch the branch to the left. Jump off the next ledge and land on the rock underneath. Check for the next ledge. Avoid the slippery rock and watch out for shadows, where it is colder and ice might have survived in the crevices. Keep alert and don't think. And don't ever stumble or else it will be a very long drop. The jumps he made became longer and the landings harder, but there was no turning back now. He laughed with the dizzy feeling of too much tension needing to be released when he realized that the gorge ended in a sheer drop over the shadowy bottom. But Kell was not afraid of that at all. Increasing his speed he put his leg muscles to the test as he raced toward the cliff, using the wet stones to gain more momentum. In the last moment possible he jumped, and for precious seconds he was supended in thin air, feeling the rush of wind and the cold moisture clinging to his face most acutely. Then the rock met him again and his fingers dug into the rocky crevices on the other side of the gorge while his boots found precarious purchase underneath him. But he needed only a heart-beat to assess his enemies' positions. And in that moment he made his choice. 

Arching his back gracefully Roj Kell let go of the cliff and back-flipped into the gorge, fallling at high speed as he extended his mind. It was a glorious feeling, to encompass such a vast area of his surroundings. The Sith hunting him would not be able to pinpoint his location until he relinquished control again. But using that sort of power also had its dangers. Not this time though, this time he could not afford to let balance get in his way. He had to act fast. As the ground came up to greet him his sharp eyes could identify each single stalk of brilliant green moss and leaves. "Fou cyl!" Roj Kell snapped, shivering in the grip of the power of darkness, but his fall was broken just in time. "Terad sh leyto," he added with a sigh and put his feet on the ground once more. The rules dictated that he should rest now and not walk to keep a balance between earth and sky. And yet he knew that he could not follow those rules, even if only he was still riding high on adrenalin. Withdrawing very suddenly he let his mind fall back into himself again and refrained from thinking at all. All there was were the scents and noises surrounding him. 

He was running again, unable to keep still at this time of day. The wind was rushing through the leaves overhead and small critters scuttled through the undergrowth ahead of him. Sometimes he could sense other predators stalking the night, but he paid them no head. When a sudden light flashed through the darkness it came completely as a surprise and Kell shied back immediately, turning his head away to protect his eyes. Something jumped at him and smashed in his temple. He screamed more in anger than pain and lashed out at his attacker wildly, dropping down at first he then came back up to hit the other in the belly hard, tackling him. With a growl Kell brought up his hands to smash the man's arms down as his opponent tried to fend him off. The edge of his left palm hit the other's neck right above the jugular vein, but by then his attacker had recovered sufficienly to counter the ancient magician's assault. Kell roared in fury as he was hurled away, the Dark Side burying into him like a vicious beast. He brought up his hands and moved them in a half-circle, forming a shield easily. When he opened his mouth to unleash the magic of his voice though the creature opposing him was quick to intercept him.

"No!" the other grated in a distincly alien accent.

Kell came to immediately and his face turned into a scowl: "Novis," he hissed and shook his black mane. The tall Weequay loomed ahead of him, his slitted eyes barely visible even to the Cor'dan's sensitive gaze. "You are a fool if you believe that I will spare your life."

"Listen to me," the other said quickly. "This woman has bewitched you. The Jedi are not your friends. You know that!"

"Of course I know."

"And yet you attacked us."

"Self-preservation. Loata was bent on destroying us. And I will protect Belana no matter what."

Novis relaxed a bit: "She will lead you to your death. There is no way you can escape the Dark Side."

"No? Maybe you are wrong there."

"Kell, you ar a master of the Dark Side, you have to realize that-"

"Silence!"

The Weequay fell silent and Kell started stalking around him purposefully. It was frustrating, but both he and Novis knew very well that technically Kell was far beneath the other's power. So what was he waiting for?

"You can lead us. Sechan thinks the same."

"Really. Do you know how long it has been since I have last led someone in battle? Besides, this is a war we cannot win if we are not truly unified." He stopped himself short. But that was what he had learned, was it not? To back down on his ego and listen to others, to respect their views. His mouth turned into a grim line: "You will let her go."

"But she knows what we have planned!"

"Does she? Guerillia tactics are all very well, but sometimes too inefficient. Novis," whirling around Kell frowned at his companion, "I love her. I truly do. But I have forgotten my priorities over Belana Jen. You are right. The Jedi are not my allies. And yet, there is only one way to defeat them. If you are willing to follow me I cannot promise you what Loata may have promised. No way. It is a sacrifice I am asking you to make and one I hope you will give."

Novis gave him a quizzical look. "What is it with you?"

"I have grown wiser," Kell growled and stalked off into the night.

She would have loved to believe that she was asleep and dreaming right now, but he was standing there for real! Belana gave the apparition she had longed for a tender smile, but his face never changed. He had come back for her! The fact that Sechan, curse the man, was standing next to him did not bother her at all. The only one that counted was Kell. She was safe now. And then the relied pouring through her very soul threatened to bring tears to her eyes. Never before had she felt this way about him, never felt that bond of trust so strongly. It was like a miracle, one she wanted him to share with her. When he dropped down next to her and stroked her face gently a single tear slid down his cheek and Belana wiped it away unconsciously, smiling all the time. 

"You came back," she whispered."

"Yes."

"Why did you leave at all?"

"I was confused."

"What about?"

"A lot of things. But not any longer."

"I have missed you."

Wrapping his arms around her head and pressing her face against his shoulder Kell kissed her left ear slowly and sighed. "Do not hate me for my weakness, Belana. I did not mean to abandon you at all." Suddenly her anger stirred again.

"Do you know what he did to me?" He tensed and Belana stiffened immediately too, sensing trouble. Over his shoulder she could see Sechan frown deeply. 

"I would have done the same in his place," he answered at last, his voice almost too low to hear, but it froze the marrow in her bones at hearing him say that. 

"No!"

"It is the truth, my love. But I am in a much different position now than I ever was before. Don't you see? You have changed me, in a way. A good way, I hope." Looking at her his pale eyes softened ever so slightly. But then his face turned into a snarl. "Leave us," Kell snapped and Sechan immediately left, closing the door behind him. Belana felt her heart clench in dread. What was this supposed to be? Was Kell a prisoner too or something else? She did not understand what was going on at all.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly, not wanting to listen to the voices screaming at her in the back of her mind.

"Belana, you know that I treasure my freedom and I have told you that I want you to have the same."

"Maybe I do not want that at all!"

"I know what you want."

Her lips pressed together firmly: "Do you now?"

"You want security, a home you can return to, someone to love and someone to care for, someone who loves you in return and something to believe in. What I want is to teach this galaxy a lesson. One it will never ever forget."

"Why?" she stared at him, disbelieving. 

"The Jedi, my dear, are not my allies, I have told you so before. I did not come here to scout out the Sith, but to find my way back. Out of your grasp but not out of reach. I will be there for you when you need me, you know that. But I cannot stay with you."

"Kell!" Holding on to him Belana's eyes went wide with shock. "This is foolish! All you can hope for is death, no peace, no freedom, nothing! They will not be as forgiving as the Council!" He lay a hand over her lips to silence her and the words sputtered away into nothingness. Belana shivered. The calm gaze that met her was not comforting in any way, rather the opposite. "You are making a mistake," she whispered, desperate now. 

"No. I have made that a long time ago, but now I can see clearly."

"What! What is it you see!"

"All of it," he answered and again his voice had taken on that dreamy, yet powerful tone, spellbinding her instantly. Belana did not want to fight him and she let herself get sucked in by his mind to perceive matters with his senses, see through his eyes and examine his thoughts. She balked a bit at the way he looked at her, as something that needed protection, weak and indecisive, dependent on others and far too trusting. There was love too, but it was muted in a way, as if something were missing in their relationship. Belana would rather not know what that might be. The Jedi. He regarded them not with hatred or anger, but in the cool, calculating manner she knew his mind analysed everything. To him their motives were clear and the war between the Jedi and Sith no more than a dispute about the right approach to the Force. The fact that he did not share either view did not come as a surprise either. He despised both of them. 

"What mistake was that?" she asked timidly, not wanting to disturb the flow they both were riding together.

"I let myself become distracted by the Dark Side. I thought I had no choice in the matter. But that is untrue. I do have a choice and I made my decision back on Alderaan."

"That was a good thing you did."

He snorted softly and somehow she imagined a smile on his lips. "Maybe," Kell conceded, but he sounded so weary that she could not quite believe him. 

"And staying here, that is no mistake?"

"Not at all. You must believe me, when I tell you that this is the right thing to do for me. The Sith will return and the Jedi will learn that there is more to the Force than they can think of. As you know very well, my love. Never forget what I have taught you. Promise me, all right?"

"I promise."

Belana closed her eyes when their lips met in a gentle kiss and her mind fell into blissful oblivion gratefully. The last thing she thought, was that Kell needed someone to tell him what a stubborn fool he was. But that one was not her and never had been.

He held her in his arms for a while, regarding her peaceful expression earnestly. Planting a feeling of profound loss in her mind was easy with her keeping her shields down like that. But he regretted doing this to her, mainly because it was like a lie, only worse. Nuzzling her forehead Kell sighed once more. Why could he not make up his mind? Belana was his fulfillment, he knew that for sure, but on the other hand there were his duties as Cor'dan. He had neglected those for far too long. And if he did not receive a calling he would promote himself. The past events had shown him very clearly that the balance was shifting in favor of the Jedi. Not good. Laying Belana back on the floor gently Roj Kell's eyes misted over with sorrow. But there was nothing he could do now that would not make things worse or else accomplish nothing at all. He rose slowly and turned away reluctantly. Best to get this over with quickly. Three long steps brought him to the door and he drew it open violently. Outside both Novis and Sechan were waiting. 

"Have you decided?"

"Yes," the Weequay told him calmly. 

"Then let's do this. You know the plan. We hit fast and hard, very hard."

"They will come down on us even harder," Sechan laughed and flexed his hands in anticipation. Apparently he was itching to go into battle. Good. Then he would lead the first mission. 

"Get your troops together. We are leaving within the hour. There are Jedi on their way here."

"How do you know?" Novis asked.

"They told me," Kell replied coldly. "Now stop asking questions."

"What about her?"

"She will be all right. And she won't remember." Whirling around he put all of his anger into his voice as he said: "Sechan, you are coming with me. There is something we need to talk about."

"And what would that be?"

"Your punishment." Stalking ahead Kell did pay the mumbled protests behind him no heed. Sechan had known that this would be inevitable. If Kell wanted to reestablish his authority with the Sith he would have to make Sechan pay quite publicly. They walked into the meeting hall quietly and the ancient Sith ignored the stares of the assembly. Sechan was frowning deeply, the model picture of indignation and hurt pride.

"What is he doing here?" someone shouted and pointed at Kell accusingly. 

"Taking over," the old Sith whispered, but his voice reached even the farthest corner of the hall easily. His left hand whipped out and Sechan screamed very suddenly and loudly, dropping to the floor at the other's side. Kell smiled down at him mirthlessly. The young man would get over it somehow, and if not - well, that was not his concern. "Now," he continued when the screams had subisded and dropped to painfilled moans instead. "We will need to change our tactics just a bit. And I so hope that you will follow my lead. Understood?"

The assembly stared at him blankly, then some looked down at Sechan's crumpled form. Though none voiced their acquiesance aloud Roj Kell knew that he had won. Their leader had been rendered powerless and they knew Kell well enough not to risk having him at bay. This was starting out well, luckily. Now, if only things would stay that way.

Tarla was following Master Zerkan only reluctantly. They had touched down on the so far uncharted world a few hours ago and had found Belana's ship easily. According to the last log entry both the Jedi Master and her companion had left three days ahead of them. Now they only had to find out where they had gone to. Fortunately they had a lead of a kind, since their radar had picked up three ships leaving the system at the same time they had entered it. Judging from their exit vecor the three Jedi had determined a set of coordinates they hoped would lead them to their friends. Friends. Tarla smirked at the thought of counting Roj Kell as a friend, but he was, in a way. She had accepted that and now she could only hope that he did not disappoint that trust again. If he did he would pay dearly, that she had vowed a long time ago. 

They were riding a speeder toward their target, but a few hours walk away from the coordinates Zerkan stopped the vehicle. The young Jedi Knight hopped out of the speeder gracefully, her senses alert and open. But there was nothing she could pick up. Immediately her eyes sought Zerkan's grim gaze. He was staring straight ahead, as if he could see something she could not, and she did not doubt that this might even be the case.

"Belana is in that direction," he explained at last and led the way.

"What about Kell?" she asked, stumbling after the Jedi Master and Gyro, who had kept very quiet so far.

"Nothing yet," came the somber answer. Tarla's face froze. I just hope that he's all right. If not, Belana would be heart-broken, she knew. And that despair was something she wished to keep her friend from. When finally they had reached a sprawling lake all three stopped short at the sight of a small fortress situated on the other side of the great body of water. Tarla sighed. They had a long walk ahead of them, it would seem.

"It is not so bad," a soft voice said suddenly and she whirled around with a laugh to rest a hand against Gyro's chest. 

"No? Maybe you are overestimating us a bit."

"Hm, who knows?"

Wrapping an arm around his waist Tarla guided him along the pathway almost possessively, to Master Zerkan's great amusement. He did not show it, but she could feel it plain enough. That, and Gyro's embarrassment. She laughed at his discomfort softly, then shook her head.

It was easy to find merriment in such a bleak environment, she thought suddenly. Too easy. All of a sudden her mirth was gone again and her dark eyes widened slightly as she was expecting an attack at any turn. It was so eerie here. All she wanted was to find Belana fast and get out off planet.

She was leaning against the stone wall of her prison, unable to move or even think. Never before had she felt this alone and her pitiful sigh rang throughout the silence softly. Eyes blank and unseeing, Belana stared at the door, wishing that he would come back. But the sadness enveloping her very being told her that her wish would not come true. He was gone forever, lost to her, and it was as if her life had been torn away. She did not even know if he was dead or alive. All she remembered was that he had left and never returned. Never. A moan wrung itself from her throat and another sigh followed it suite. What was she to do? The love he had shown her had filled another part of her lfe that had been unfulfilled as of yet, some part that hungered for his presence, his touch, his understanding and wisdom. Even his protection. They had shared so much. And all that was gone now. Raising her head a light returned to Belana Jen's eyes once more. No, not gone. It lived on within her heart, all that he had taught her, all she had seen with his eyes and mind. And yet it was not the same. Not at all.

"Belana?" the hushed whisper sounded incredulous, but it caught her attention immediately. Looking toward the door she found a familiar face, but not the one she had been longing for. 

"Tarla," she breathed, smiling faintly. "You are here."

"And she is not alone," Zerkan announced as he joined the young Jedi Knight. Both came forward to help her rise."Where is Kell?"

She hesitated. "I - do not know. Gone, I think."

"You mean he is dead?"

"I don't know..."

"I see," the Jedi Master mused and frowned deeply. "Let us get you back to Coruscant first. Then we can talk in peace and safety."

"Yes. That is ... a good idea."

It was very tempting to justify a renewed bonding with the Force with its necessity for the fight ahead, but Roj Kell had vowed to himself that this lesson would not be decided on that level. He would eventually have no other choice but to bond again, but for now that option was not desirable. No way. The Jedi might believe themselves to be superior, but he would show them how mistaken they were. Without the aid of the Force. So far his mind had been his major weapon, with the Force to back it up if anything else should fail, but then he had been merely playing, careless of the consequences. There would be no more games. He was Cor'dan and he would end this struggle, one way or the other. A faint smile appeared on his lips as he went through the single steps of the plan again. First, to strengthen the enemy. Second to ruin his reputation. Third, - he paused, suddenly pensive. Third, to surrender and end the battle. That last point was a risky gamble, but the Jedi had to realize that lesson before they could learn. And Belana would help them gladly. 

Sechan would take care of the first step, by attacking the Republic. At the same time himself and Novis would secretly put a scheme in motion that Belana in particular would never approve of. And yet it was necessary. Strange. He had never felt guilty about anything like this before. But now there was a feeling of self-disgust and a hint of fear lingering in the back of his mind, distracting him. He shook his head in annoyance. Well, he had known that without the bond to the Force, albeit a tainted one, he would become more human again. If only it did not backfire on him. Biting his lower lip hard Roj Kell held back a sigh. Belana. He dearly hoped that her friends had found her by now. They would undoubtedly take her to Coruscant for questioning and comfort, possibly. He growled softly. Once this was over he would never leave her again. Ever. 

Tarla ran her hands over Belana's body gingerly, her eyes half-closed as she searched for any injuries. It would be some time before they could subject her to a real med droid. Better to make certain. The older woman pushed her hands aside impatiently.

"I am all right. Really."

Opening her eyes the young Jedi Knight frowned slightly. "That is strange."

"What is?"

"There is an echo of your Force signature."

"An echo?" Belana stared at her, aghast.

Taking the other's hand Tarla moved it over Belana's belly gently. "Here, do you sense it?"

"I-"

"I think you are pregnant," Tarla told her friend with a wide grin. 

"Pregnant," Belana echoed, her eyes wide in astonishment. But suddenly tears began falling down her cheeks. Drawing her legs up to her chest she turned away, hugging herself tightly into a small ball of fear and despair.

"Belana," the younger woman whispered and reached out to stroke her hair slowly. "Don't cry."

"What if-" Belana whispered, then broke off again.

"What if what?"

A pair of dark brown eyes peered out at her from behind a thick curtain of hair. Tarla almost cried too at the look her friend gave her. "What if - Sechan?"

Tarla's mouth turned into a grim line. Leaning forward she hugged the other to herself, trying to wrap her in a protective layer of caring and love. "Belana," she said softly, "do not think about that now. Try to relax." But inwardly the Jedi Knight had a hard time keeping her temper in check. How dare Kell leave his beloved in such a situation? He should have known what she had been about to face! Why had he not protected her better? Secretly she knew, of course, why he could not have interfered at all. But it still flung her into a mad rage to remember Belana's hushed report on what had happened back in the fortress. 

The Jedi Master seemed to believe firmly that her lover was dead, and it broke her heart over and over again. No wonder she reacted that way now. And yet Tarla remembered Belana's joy some three years ago when she had confided in her student her feelings for another Jedi Knight, who had unfortunately turned out to be a Sith and Kell's apprentice. Back then the Jedi Master had talked most vividly of having a family one day. A husband and children. And deep inside Tarla knew that her friend had hoped to achieve both with Kell, as insane as that sounded. But such were the mysteries of true love, she suspected. "Hush," she whispered, holding Belana close. "It will be all right, you'll see." Damn you, Roj Kell. Once I find you, you will have a lot to answer for.

It was a great comfort to have Tarla around. She understood much better than both Zerkan and Gyro what was going on inside of her. And yet her friend's words could not reach her heart. She had only survived the torture and the rape because she had latched all of her hopes on to Kell's return. How great her faith had been that he would come back to free her. And now here she was, angry at him and yet very worried. Was he feeling the same? If he was alive, did he worry for her too? She was almost certain that he did. Almost. Shivering in Tarla's arms Belana closed her eyes again, but there the memories were only waiting to claim her. 

"Tarla."

"Hm?"

"What am I supposed to do now?"

"I- do not know. Maybe just wait for now. Think about it. Talk."

"Yes. Talk. I have a few questions for Master Jeldo once we are back."

"What questions?"

"About Kell."

"Huh? I thought that you would know him better than the Council!"

"Yes, but maybe I do not know the Council as well as Kell does."

The small fleet broke up only a few clicks from Alderaan, Sechan's first target. Standing at the forward viewport of the lead corvette's bridge Roj Kell had folded his hands on his back and his green eyes were glittering with anticipation. At his side Novis had taken up station, his presence much calmer than what Kell could feel from Sechan, who was seated in the captain's chair. And Sechan had every reason to be very concerned indeed. The ancient Sith Lord had sworn that the other would still pay for what he had done to his beloved. And even though he himself could not exact that sentence he could plan for others to execute it. Preferably the Jedi. Preferably Belana. But that was not so important right now. Other things had first priority. When the small fleet had slipped into formation at last he released a tiny sigh and nodded at Novis.

"Very good. Proceed as planned, Sechan. If everything goes well we will meet you again in thirty standard days on Coruscant."

"If," the younger man muttered.

"There is always a risk," Kell told him pleasantly. "Besides, do not forget that you are going to have all the fun here. Make the most of it. And I mean that literally."

"Of course, Lord Kell. As ordered."

"Good. We will leave now. Give us ten hours, then attack."

"I know, no need to remind me."

"Just making certain. Good luck then."

Whirling around he gave the crew a cool smile and strode off the bridge briskly, Novis right on his heels. The Weequay gave an annoyed snort. "I do see why we have to wear these, but it still looks ridiculous to me."

"Then let us hope that others will come to see it the same way," Roj Kell told him softly and drew the hood of his dark brown cloak deeper into his face. He had bound his hair back carefully, knowing full well that his trademark black mane would be a dead giveaway to any Jedi who might cross their path, despite their disguise. "You have your lightsaber?"

"Yes, of course."

"Then let's do this."

TBC


	6. A Lesson Called Eternity

Redemption

When the small ship dropped out of hyperspace into realspace surrounding the city planet of Coruscant Belana felt her heart leap higher. Somehow nothing felt like this. Home, she was home. Sitting next to Tarla in one of the passenger seats she tried to catch a better view of the glittering city as they neared the planet. But Gyro's left arm suddenly obscured her vision.

"Look at that!" the Jedi Knight called out, pointing at the warships moving into position to jump out of the system.

"With that exit vector they are probably headed for Alderaan," Zerkan mused aloud and Belana could hear the worry in his tone.

"Alderaan!" she breathed, suddenly remembering. "The Sith! Zerkan, the Sith wanted to attack Alderaan!"

He turned around to look at her for a long moment. But when he spoke again there was no reproach or accusation for the late information in his words. "Okay. Then we can at least fill them in on what they are about to face." He flipped a few switches on the comm control board. "Central, this is Zerkan. Yes. Do you know what ships are leaving right now and where to? What? Alderaan? Under attack? All right. Tell them that there will be some Sith waiting for them. No, I do not know how many. Out." He sighed deeply. "I just hope they are not too late."

An hour an a half later they were inside the Jedi Temple and on their way to meet the Council. I have to talk to them about Kell, Belana told herself guiltily, but there were more important matters to think about right now. She could feel herself grow more agitated by the minute. All she wanted was to do something. The great hall's double door had been thrown open wide and the room was positively crowded with people. Pushing through them Belana followed Zerkan determinedly. Master Jeldo, looming over almost everyone, flashed her a quick smile that vanished almost as fast as it had appeared.

"Where is Lord Kell?" he asked, slightly suspicious.

"Not here," she answered curtly. "And I do not know where he might be either."

"If I could hazard an educated guess I would suggest Alderaan," someone growled. Belana ignored the comment, her attention focused solely on the Council.

"Master Jeldo, if I may? I know that the Sith will deploy guerillia tactics, striking at convenient targets. But whether they have a plan of action or just follow where battle luck takes them I do not know."

"Thank you, Master Jen. Although I must add that this is not very helpful. Could you please report on your mission?"

She hesitated for a moment, then shook her head to get rid of the memories. The attempt was not entirely succesful though. When she began to speak she could still see Sechan's smiling face in front of her. "The Sith found us pretty soon, since Kell could not shield his mind at all. We were taken to their stronghold where he forced their leader to reveal his plan. We were attacked and I was captured." Swallowing hard she stopped herself. A low growl rose in her throat as she shook her head again. "The original leader was killed and the new one's name is Sechan. I believe that he is trying to imitate Kell. Which should give us an advantage concerning his tactics." Belana shuddered at the memory of seeing the same armor on Sechan's forearms that Kell usually wore. Remembered the hard metal connecting with her face and shoulders, hitting her over and over again in an effort to beat her into submission.

"Which would also mean that they are pretty unpredictable, don't you think?"

She did not hear the Ho'Din very clearly. There was a strange buzzing noise in her head that mingled with Sechan's voice gradually and Belana was suddenly awoken from her nightmare when she started shaking so hard that her teeth were chattering.

"Belana!" Someone wrapped her in gentle arms and judging by the size and strength she knew it was Tarla. "She needs some rest!" the young Jedi Knight told the assembly harshly, and propelled her unresisting charge toward the door. "You can hear her report later."

Escorted by Zerkan and Gyro the two women walked toward the medical ward through a crowd of people staring at the paling Jedi Master. The faces were familiar, but Belana did not recognize any of them. Their names were lost somewhere, their stories forgotten. She felt uprooted, without anything to hold on to. Not even Tarla's presence could support her. What was wrong with her? With a sour taste in her mouth she recalled Tarla's happy prediction. That she was expecting a child. Suddenly her thoughts were racing. If she could feel the baby's presence so strongly already it had to mean that it had been conceived some time back, at least long ago enough to make it Kell's offspring. Then he would be the father. If he ever came back. Her strength gone Belana dropped down to the floor in a boneless heap. 

"Not far now," Tarla murmured in her ear. 

"I can feel it. He is alive, has to be. You know him, he would not neglect his duties-"

"Hush, Belana. Please."

Then recollection returned to her. Her face frozen Belana stared at his calm features, his pale eyes close to tears, a memory from their last encounter. They had talked about mistakes, had they not? Her right hand curled into a fist. He had done something to her mind. Damn him. How could he? Had he tried to make her forget? Why? To soothe her? Or to use her. Someone helped her rise again. "Kell," she whispered. "Wherever you are I hope you can hear me."

Raising his head he frowned deeply. What was keeping them? He and Novis were strolling the streets of Aldera calmly, waiting. Once the attack had started they would have to play their adopted roles perfectly and still be gone before the Jedi arrived. Novis was uncomfortable in his robes, that he could feel, but the other's comfort was not his concern. Eyeing the passerbys suspiciously Kell felt his anxiety rise by the minute. But then, finally, the sirens started wailing at full volume. Alderaan was a peaceful planet with no defenses to speak of. Easy prey and yet, also the best target to get the Republic to act fast. And that was the goal: let the enemy move quickly and carelessly to achieve an easy victory. As they would do here.

"Sir! Jedi, sir!" Someone shouted and a young woman bustled up to the pair. She laid hopeful eyes on both. "Please, what are we to do?"

Throwing a look over her shoulder at the small crowd standing a few paces away, their faces locked in anticipation, Kell nodded sharply at the woman. "They will probably bomb the capital. Best to seek cover. No!" He held her back when she turned toward the other. "Don't hide inside the houses or cellars. Find shelter in the forests and swamps. That offers much better camouflage." She nodded and ran to join her companions.

"Better camouflage?" Novis hissed. "I noticed you didn't mention heat-seeking missiles."

"And I did not hear myself asking your opinion. Besides, Novis, heat-seeking missiles have a much better effect in non-organic cities. Logically. Power currents, reactors and such all make for very nice and foremost efficient targets."

"You are right," the other replied, sounding astounded.

"Of course I am right. Now come. We have a lot to do yet."

A few hours later the attack was in full swing and the city as good as deserted. The plan was to drive the Alderaanians out and destroy the settlements. This way the attack seemed successful at first glance, but was unbloody and besides, the Jedi would have made the day. Simply perfect. Let them chase shadows for now. They would realize soon enough that the monster was lurking on their door-step anyway.

"You! Jedi!" a man yelled suddenly and Kell and Novis turned toward him instantly. The ancient Sith almost took a step back as the other came closer. Bustling toward them amidst an honorary guard the Viceroy of Alderaan padded closer. Kell lowered his head ever so slightly, hoping that the shadowy hood would hide his features sufficiently enough. His memories of the man were not very fond ones. 

"A brilliant idea!" the man shouted and patted his shoulder. "They are retreating for now."

"And they will not come back," Novis added somberly, his gravelly voice startling the Viceroy momentarily.

"No? Good!"

"Sir?" one of the guards tried. "It appears that the Republic cruisers have arrived. The enemy is retreating."

"Excellent! Thanks to- Where did they go?"

"Master Jen," the Ho'Din boomed softly as he strode into the medical ward. "Are you feeling better?"

"Much better, thank you."

Tarla winced at the weakness in Belana's tone. She had not slept much and the doctors had been reluctant to give her any sedatives since she was pregnant. So Tarla had stayed with her and helped her with getting into a healing trance. She had brushed past the older woman's consciousness accidentially then and the memory almost made her vomit. Compared to this Sechan even Roj Kell seemed positively normal. But Belana had said that her lover's methods were just much more subtle and crueller since they hurt the psyche more than the body. That Tarla could believe easily. 

"Is there anything I can do for you?" the Councillor was just saying.

"Yes, actually there is something. I wanted to talk to you about Kell. No, Tarla, you can stay."

Resuming her seat the young woman felt a bit uncomfortable. This was a private discussion and she should not be here. But if Belana needed her support...

"What is it you want to talk about?"

"Kell suspects the Council of trying to use him for political reasons."

"Political?"

"He told me that he could not be of any use to you safe as symbol of your victory over him."

"I see."

"He also thinks you want to use me to further your power."

"Really?"

"Is that true?"

Jeldo shook his giant head softly and sighed. "It is not true, Belana. And the fact that he thinks that way tells me that your lesson was not entirely successful. I do not mean that as criticism though. He _is_ stuborn, after all. This was to be expected."

"Was it? Are you telling me that you did not feel some pride at having him here again as a prisoner?"

"Not at all. And besides, the honor was all yours. He came here of his own free will, not as prisoner, for you alone. But I believe that the loss of the Force has upset him very much."

"True," Belana whispered.

"And you cannot expect him to change his ways so fast. He has to redirect his efforts and his views, a difficult feat for anyone. But no, we are not using you. You are free to do whatever you want."

"I want to destroy the Sith."

Tarla froze, momentarily shocked. These were wartimes, true, but what Belana had said spoke of revenge, nothing else. Rising slowly she walked over to her friend and cautiously lay a hand on hers.

"You don't mean that, do you?" she asked timidly. But Belana's eyes were solely fixed on the Ho'Din, awaiting his answer. He stared down at her for a long time, then turned his head away and sighed deeply.

"If I told you that I desire the same, what would you do?"

"You would have proven to me that you just lied. _Did_ you withhold the truth, Master Jeldo?"

"He really has taught you well, hasn't he."

"My answer?"

He sighed again. "You are right. In a way. But sometimes good leadership requires sacrifices. We could justify sacrificing Roj Kell's freedom with his deeds easily. And besides it would have served a good purpose."

"Deeds!" Belana snorted. "Do you realize that he was almost always acting in self-defense? A point in his favor. He is sly, he knows which way to get you and he will never reveal any weakness, only expose yours." Propping herself up the Jedi Master looked deeply into the tall alien's eyes. "You cannot ever match his experience, Master Jeldo, all you can hope to accomplish is to gain his understanding."

"What do you mean?"

"Do you know how old he is?"

"What has age got to do with it?"

"Kell has been travelling this galaxy for almost a thousand years now. And even the most ignorant would learn something on such a long journey, don't you think? He is not ignorant in the least. It was curiosity that led him to the Dark Side, nothing else. There is no fooling him."

"A thousand years!" Tarla found herself saying.

"And yet his vision has been warped tremenduously. He is too cold, too calculating. I have tried to make him live once more. He _has_ learned that lesson, Master Jeldo, believe me. But I guess now it is time for the Jedi to learn theirs."

"There is no lesson to learn," the Ho'Din replied heatedly. "The Jedi Order is far older than Roj Kell, if your estimate is true at all, and our wisdom much more refined. We too know how this galaxy works. But that does not mean that we should not show compassion and caring. Your friend is bound by the rules of survival, he told me so himself. His way everyone would stand against the other. Do you think that desirable?"

Tarla felt her breath catch at the angry challenge in his tone. But Belana merely nodded. "You have a point, but the true way, as it does most of the time, lies in the middle."

"Dangerous words, Master Jen," he said coldly. "Very dangerous."

"Too dangerous maybe?"

Jeldo shook his head gravely. "I will discuss this with the Council. But I can almost promise you that they would answer the same."

"A pity."

"Please, Master Jen, you fell to the Dark Side once already. Do not make things worse than they are." And with these words he rose and turned to leave. Tarla watched him go slightly shocked, but then her eyes sought Belana's face again.

"Did I truly fall?" the Jedi Master whispered softly. "How can you be so sure?"

How indeed. He had judged her without evidence, simply assuming that Kell's mere presence could corrupt her, assuming that he had broken her to his ways. It was true, in a sense, but had she not retained her light? Had Kell not admitted that himself? What a mess. Closing her eyes she sought shelter in the Force, but then, almost timidly, she touched the golden light Kell had shown her, diving into the yellow sheen joyfully. True Sith magic. Do not forget what I have taught you, he had asked. What _had_ he taught her? Yes, that was the question. Looking over at Tarla she risked a smile.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"Maybe just too much," the younger woman conceded and her paralysed features turned into a wide grin. "Do you mean it? That you will challenge the Council on this?"

"You think I am too much like Kell, am I right?"

"Well," Tarla shrugged, "I am certain that over those three years something has rubbed off on you."

"Hm, perhaps. But maybe I have just seen the truth."

"His truth."

"You are right. I need to talk to him very soon. About a great many things," she added, running a hand over her belly with a loving smile. "I wonder how he will react?"

The bed moved under Tarla's weight as she sat down next to her. For a long moment the two women just looked at each other. Then the younger Jedi sighed deeply. She lowered her head, then shook it ever so slowly.

"Belana, I do not know what to believe anymore. I have been taught the way of the Jedi and yet you, the woman I have looked up to for nearly all of my life, seem to be unsure of that path. Reason tells me that a Sith has warped your vision, but that reason has been formed by the Council's rules." She looked up again. "What do you say?"

"I am not certain myself, Tarla. Let us see how this plays out. Then we can decide."

"She is close to the end of her term in office. If she wants to be reelected she will put pressure on the Jedi."

"Politics," Novis growled. "I prefer the straight-forward approach."

Roj Kell looked up at his companion and smiled coldly. They were seated together on top of the ruins of a bombed farm complex, a bit off from what had been left of the capital after the last strafing run. The planet was small and relatively unimportant compared to Alderaan. But that was not the point. The point was to disperse the Republic troops. And Sechan was doing his job very well. 

"And what if she does not want to be reelected?" the Weequay added suddenly.

"Ah, come on. Image is everything. She cannot just stand by and act as if it were not her concern anymore."

"True. And when do we go on with phase two of the plan?"

"Have a bit more patience. The Jedi will soon enough come to realize where the root of the problem lies. Or what they perceive to be the root of the problem."

"The Sith."

"Exactly."

"And you truly believe that they will not see through your plan?"

"Even if they spare a thought for that possibility, the Supreme Chancellor will not let them act on it. And that is the trick, Novis. And the reason for letting Belana Jen go."

Falling silent the two Sith currently acting as Jedi Knights each followed their own thoughts. Not surprisingly Kell was thinking of his love. Belana was the one who would realize the truth in the end and she would be able to make the Council see reason. They had to understand that life did not need protection, or guidance by outside forces. It was a matter of preventing evil from happening as much as opposing it. Knowing the Council they would first concentrate on hunting down Sechan. But by running around trying to find him they would leave so many unprotected, would take far greater risks than they had to. Of course, the lighting attacks Sechan was conducting did not allow for predictions. But by seperating their own troops they would only weaken themselves. The Sith would not engage them in open battle, no way. Right now, with Kell and Novis acting as valiant Jedi Knights the Order's reputation was experiencing a boost among the common people, which was exactly the effect Kell had desired by his actions. But the greater their praise, the deeper their fall once the two Sith turned the tables on their adversaries. 

The attacks had been repeated for just over a week now and from Sechan's report they had not lost too many of their ships yet. That would change, of course, once Sechan began with ground attacks instead of just the bombing runs. Close and personal, that was the way Kell wanted this to become. Very personal indeed. Dropping off his perch elegantly he walked a few steps into the burned yard of the farm-house and propped his hands on his hips pensively. 

As Cor'dan it was his duty to form a bridge between life and death, light and dark and keep a balance in everything. Of course, in the old days it would also have meant that he would be asked to speak judgement and to mediate disputes. But the old days were long dead. The Dark Jedi who had found his people millenia ago had not cared for the Cor'dan. They had only seen potential servants in the Sith. Servants. He was not used to serving anyone. And even when he submitted to someone else's control he always retained his independence. Just like the Jedi three yeras back his Sith master had never managed to break his will. Roj Kell growled at the memory. It had been intriguing to study the Dark Jedi under Exar Kun's command who called themselves Sith, and it had even been some fun to follow them into battle. But some things had always struck him as senseless and foolish. Which had been the reason for leaving his master to die on Yavin 4. Since then he had been playing games, inspired by his experience with the Sith. He had wanted to know how other people worked, what ruled their minds and lives and how he could manipulate them. But he had lost touch with reality over that.

Somehow he now suspected that this had been part of a greater plan, one he had not even realized he was a part of. The bonding with Exar Kun had disrupted his journey, the initiation rite for becoming Cor'dan. And he had never come around to completeing the Jer'fra that would have made him a Magician and High Priest. The Dark Side had stood in his way. Now, without the Force, his mind was clear again. Too clear maybe. The plan he had devised was brilliant in a way, but most people would not see that brilliance. A lesson, he had called it. And that it was too. Right now the Jedi were like a light in the dark, shining brightly against the background of the Sith attacks. But that light was deceiving. They did not accomplish anything for real. The goal was to achieve a state were the dark stood out in a sea of light, where evil was recongized and opposed before it could become overwhelming. Evil. Well, that was something he had to get to grips with first. Was he himself evil? Belana would deny it, he knew. She perceived him as cruel, yes, but to her that was not the same as being evil. His cruelty was something she could cope with, his games something she could follow rationally. But true evil was as senseless as Sechan's torturing her. It had served no purpose save to hurt her. And where Kell, too, hurt others with his schemes he always followed a goal.

If this justified the pain was disputable, of course. The Council had tried to make him see that, but even though Kell understood perfectly well, what they meant, he could not imagine himself following their rules at all. In his mind life needed no protection, because destruction and death were as much part of it as giving birth. If one creature perished others would take its place. A tree that died in the shadow of another, greater one, still served other purposes. But sentient beings were not like that. They had formed a self-centered view that allowed for mourning and emotional pain.And that was the hook. Kell might not think anything of killing someone if it served his purpose, but not because be wanted to inflict pain on others. He simply did not care. That caring was what had lacked so far and what Belana had managed to awaken in him. To truly understand people he had to care for them too. Strange as it sounded. 

He shook his head in astonishment. How to bring both philosophies together? As Cor'dan he had to remain aloof and understanding at the same time. He had to remain cold yet know what others felt to make the right decision. But that _was_ the way of the Jedi, wasn't it? Shaking his head he laughed out loud, startling Novis. Yes, it was the way of the Jedi, but they were caught up in their own culture of compassion and caring. They were reluctant to hurt anyone, always seeking compromises. Violence was seen as a last resort. And yet the way the Jedi Council had acted toward him had shown him something else. They had claimed not wanting to change him and yet they had desired nothing else. 

This lesson would make them see the error of their ways. They had to face their true self. Only then could there be a renewal of what the Jedi had once been. And that would be something Kell could live with. Not this pretense and righteousness, but honest, outright judgement. If Master Jeldo had told him that the Council had sentenced him to death because they perceived his games as too dangerous and immoral and their scale too high he could have accepted that. But the Ho'Din's arguments had been much more mundane. As if the Jedi had been helpless against him. Protection had not been necessary, on the contrary. It had been the Jedi who had attacked him. They had justified their deeds with the fact that he was a Sith anyway, meaning he was evil, a condemnation that had been made without second thoughts. 

It had been drilled into them for millenia and now they saw everything in black and white. They too had lost touch to reality. And Roj Kell would gladly help them to find their way back again. 

The Council meeting was usually an exclusive affair, but today Belana Jen had been invited to attend too. Undoubtedly they wanted to observe her reactions. But she could deal with the suspicion, she thought. Lounging in her seat quite unconcernedly she listened to the reports with a keen interest.

"So far ten worlds have fallen under attack. Six have been bombed and there were only a few civilians injured. The rest were attacked by ground forces too. As far as we can tell the Sith forces consist of only three ships. They move fast and we cannot predict their targets. But if we can force them to make a stand we should have no problems defeating them." Master Jeldo took a deep breath: "The government has been lauding the Jedi for their efforts and especially our independent teams that have been helping civilians organize escapes on the planets under attack. But," and here he gave Belana a hard look, "we have no idea who these benefactors might be. Officially we have had no teams stationed on most of those worlds. And those we had stationed report that they had nothing to do with initiating these miraculous rescues. Any suggestions?"

"They are Sith in disguise," one Councillor stated drily. "They can only be Sith. And I would rather not know what they are planning."

"If people find out that Sith have been protecting them instead of Jedi..." another added pensively.

"We have to find them."

"According to reports those rescuers are always a humanoid and a Weequay," Jeldo explained calmly. "We are agreed that they are no Jedi. Whether they are Sith we cannot tell for sure."

"What are they planning? Having forces attack the worlds and others disguise as Jedi to help civilians is playing against them in the long run."

"Is it? The civilian losses equal zero. So far. I fear though that this will soon change. And then we will get blamed for failure of protecting them," Diriwa, a delicate Chadra'Fan female mused aloud. 

"I do not understand this," a Bith sighed finally.

"No?" Belana could not hide her surprise. The Bith were known to be highly intelligent and reasonable. But maybe the Jedi Code had warped this one's vision quite a bit.

"You have an idea, Master Jen?" Jeldo asked lightly.

"Indeed I do. This is a lesson. Victory is not the goal, but discrediting us, as you have stated, Master Diriwa." She nodded at the Chadra' Fan. "The question remains: what is the motivation? Revenge? They cannot win in the long run. We will get them in the end. But by keeping civilian losses minimal they have formed a shield against our wrath. We can blame them for destroying property, but not for taking lives. We can accuse them of playing games, but not of anything truly evil. Tell me, how long since the first attack?"

"Ten days," Diriwa informed her, obviously fascinated. "What are you getting at?"

"Well, they have three ships. If they are constantly on the move, performing hit and run missions, they will be out of resources in another twenty days at the most."

"Then this is when we get them. Well done."

"But knowing when we will achieve victory does not solve our problem," Jeldo said softly. "Am I right, Master Jen?"

Belana nodded gravely. "Indeed. Whoever has planned this has analysed the crusade in great detail. Now we only have to play against their time-frame."

"You suspect someone?"

"Well, I told you that this Sechan is imitating Kell, but he would try to win. Kell would play games." She took a deep breath. "Before he left he told me that he wants to teach this galaxy a lesson it will never forget."

"Silence." The Ho'Din's booming voice filled the chamber easily. "Master Jen, what can we do?"

She shrugged uneasily. It had been a few days since she had had that little talk with the head of the Council, and he had not spoken of it further to her. But the Jedi Master could not quite belive that he had dropped the matter yet. And now he asked her for help? Thsi was a test, she was certain of it. Well, if Kell wanted to teahc them a lesson and he was using her as his instrument she would gladly play his way. Raising her head high she gave the assembly a bright smile. 

"I have a suggestion that will please all of us, I believe."

Fifteen days over, fifteen more to go. And the ground attacks were doing nicely. Roj Kell and Novis had arrived on Deyer a few days before the impending attack and both had kept hidden so far. By now the Jedi Council had had sufficient time to come to some conclusions and people would be looking for them. Undoubtedly the Jedi had reasoned that wherever this pair showed up an attack was inevitable. Still, they were well in their time-frame and so far they had not encountered any trouble. But things would change as of today. Today, when people came running to the Jedi for help they would be refused. Instead he and Novis would engage the Sith in battle and drive them back once the Republic forces arrived. The hardest thing then would be to get away in time.

It was not before long that the alarm sirens started their eerie song, raising metallic voices over the peaceful din of the cities. Nodding at his companion Kell motioned him on. They were walking the streets purposefully, apparently searching for something. And only a few minutes later an elderly man bustled up to Novis, eyes shining with hope.

"Sir, we have heard bad news on the most recent attacks. Will we be in great danger?"

The Weequay looked down upon the unfortunate man with cold eyes. "There is always danger with Sith around, my good man."

"Fortunately the Jedi are on our side."

"Yes, fortunately. You had better find cover now," Novis added just before the low whine of approaching fighters filled the air. "Here they come," he breathed, eyes shining with anticipation. 

They had talked about this at length and decided that they would give the others a good fight. This was not supposed to look easy. But now, looking at the Weequay's profile, Roj Kell pitied any Sith who got in the tall alien's way. He was craving blood and action and he would not care who tasted the green beam of his lightsaber. The ancient Sith Lord smiled. Good. With a little luck fate would pit him against Sechan...

Tarla was very nervous. She and Gyro had been assigned to the special Republic task force 'Hammerblow' five days back and right now they were on their way to Deyer. Distress calls from the planet had reached the ships just a few moments ago and luckily they had been in close vicinity to the system. Now, standing on the bridge of the flagship the young Jedi Knight was wondering what would meet them there. And who. Belana had told her of her suspicions concerning Kell and she hoped that she would not have to fight the man. He might not be a warrior, but he had a mean style. The only thing in her favor seemed the fact that he was cut off from the Force. 

"Tarla."

"Hm?" Looking up at Gyro she did not find the strength to smile.

"When we are down there I want you to promise me that you'll be careful."

"You too, my dear."

"I shall try."

And then the small fleet dropped out of hyperspace, the planet Deyer looming ahead. 

"Troops have landed already," the Captain announced after a glance at the sensors. "Enemy ships are regrouping. They are going to attack." 

"Then this is where we leave," Gyro announced.

"Don't forget your troops," the Captain admonished him drily.

"No worries there. Come," he said and nodded at Tarla, who followed eagerly.

The way down was a rollercoaster ride through enemy fighters and barrages of laser volley, but the shields held, fortunately. When the three shuttles finally touched down Tarla remembered to breathe again. The Dark Side was all too present down here, a black storm ravaging the surface. Gritting her teeth against the onslaught she hefted her lightsaber with some determination.

"Okay, then let's do this."

Roj Kell stared at the sky, disbelieving. How had they managed to anticipate this move? Damn! If they stayed here any longer there would be no Sith left to bring this to an end. Cursing wildly he disengaged from one of the 'enemy' warriors and sprinted toward Novis, who was seemingly enjoying himself. An unfortunate fugitive dared to dart in his way though.

"Sir! The Sith have broken into-"

"Shut up," Kell roared, his voice ripping through the battle noises mercilessly. The man fell to his knees, quivering and holding his head with a pained grimace. "Can't you see that I am busy?" the Sith Lord hissed and moved on, a snarl marring his features. "Novis!"

Looking around the Weequay spotted him and joined his side presently. "What is going on?"

"The Republic troops have found us, it would seem. We have to pull out now. Find Sechan."

As it turned out, Roj Kell found the younger Sith himself first. Striding into the city's main storehouse he found the floor littered with twisted and mutilated bodies. Fearful screams through the great hall from behind stacks of boxes and metal containers. The steady hum of a lightsaber interrupted them from time to time and the smell of burned flesh was thick in the air. Kell's lips curled into a cold smile as he rounded a corner and found the wanted Sith with a joyful gleam in his eyes just about to decaptivate a young girl who had not been fast enough to escape him.

"Sechan!" he barked. "The Republic is landing troops as we speak. What in Sith hells are you still doing here?"

"Having fun, just as you told me to."

Roj Kell's pale eyes narrowed into icy slits as he took in the shadowy room more closely. "I see," he stated and tore his gaze away from the people huddled in one corner, eyes wide with fear and shock. "And you are prepared to sacrifice your troops for the sake of your personal entertainment?"

Sechan snorted contemptuously and let his lightsaber arch very gracefully around to point at the fugitives trying to crawl into the wall at the weapon's advance. "We are Sith, Lord Kell. And we should be a bit more convincing, don't you think?"

"Indeed," Kell nodded and watched the younger man smash into an array of boxes with full force. Striding up to the other's crumpled form he hefted his lightsaber handle in his right hand determinedly. "Was that convincing enough?"

"Maybe a bit too much." Sechan attacked immediately, the Dark Side ripping through Kell's shields easily and throwing him back on the first go. 

"Cade!" Kell shouted, putting all of his power into the order. But the other simply shook the magic off. 

"I am terribly sorry your tricks don't work, Lord Kell. You should never have tried to assume command."

Retreating before the other Kell was seething inside. But when Sechan brought his lightsaber to bear the ancient Sith met his weapon with a shattering blow. The next minutes were spent with a quick exchange of parries and jabs that saw Sechan on the advance. He had an easy time forseeing Kell's actions whereas the other had to rely on instinct alone. Very soon he felt his strength dwindle. When the other's blade caressed his left shoulder Sechan gave a triumphant cry and pressed the attack. Another jab bounced off the black armor covering Kell's right forearm and then the Cor'dan had had enough. Pivoting on his left heel he let his right arm swing around to hit Sechan full in the face while his left hand pushed the deadly blade aside. The younger Sith went down with a curse, but he needed only a split-second to hook a foot around Kell's ankle and drop him on his back. And he left his adversary no chance to avoid the blade stabbing into his abdomen. 

Screaming in agony Kell had barely the presence of mind to shield his body against the glowing blade before it could do more damage. But he still felt as if on fire. Sechan was frowning when his efforts to bisect him failed. Withdrawing the blade he stabbed down again, aiming at the heart this time. Kell's left hand closed around the laser beam in a lightning quick move and held on to it with all the strength left to him. They wrestled for the weapon for some time, but in the end the pain became to much. Letting go again Kell rolled around to get to his feet once more, but suddenly he could not feel anything anymore from his hips downward. Damn! Cursing loudly he ignored Sechan's laughter, his mind evaluating his chances instead. He needn't have bothered though.

"What is this about?"

"Ah, Novis. You are just in time to-"

"Sechan, you are a fool. Get out of here now or die. Although I would prefer the latter," the Weequay replied icily. "The Republic troops are already here and they are very eager to rid Deyer of any Sith."

"Well, then there'll be one less they'll have to worry about," Sechan hissed and knelt down next to Kell.

"No."

"No? Novis, are you stupid?"

"You are the fool, Sechan. You have ruined the plan. Now you can get out of this mess on your own."

"You are leaving?"

"Indeed. And you should too. Leave him alone." 

"They have engaged the Sith," the Forshan announced solemnly and turned her head around to regard both Belana and Master Jeldo calmly. She did not seem in the least worried or inclined to hurry a bit more. The Jedi Master bit back a sigh.

"Supreme Chancellor, this is good news. There are, however, only two Jedi Knights with the troops. I am not certain if they will succeed in getting rid of this threat." Jeldo sounded all too calm for Belana's taste. They had arived at the Chancellor's request a good twenty minutes ago, an hour after the battle on Deyer had started. Now, seated in the spacious office on comfortable chairs Belana could not shed her anxiety. They might be far from the shooting, but there were still people dying out there.

"Even if some escape, they will not remain hidden for long," the Forshan was just saying.

"Actually, we have a suggestion concerning exactly that."

"Then let's hear it, Master Jeldo," the Chancellor told him with an inviting smile.

"Announce amnesty for the survivors."

"What?" The Forshan seemed taken aback at first. "Wait. This is supposed to be a trap, am I right? But will they trust you?"

Belana shook her head. "No trap. We are sincere."

"Are you? This is ... surprising. Why should we let them live? They are Sith."

"Well, your highness, it is a bit complicated. But this whole series of attacks is supposed to be a lesson."

"A lesson."

"For the Jedi."

"The Sith teaching the Jedi a lesson. Fancy that."

"One Sith."

"I see. Let me guess: Roj Kell? I knew the man was trouble from the moment you first brought him to Coruscant. And I was right. No, let me finish," she said and held up a hand to cut Belana's protests short. "I have been made aware of your efforts in ... taming him, Master Jen. Do you call this a success?"

"Actually yes, I do," Belana answered fiercely.

"Please, Supreme Chancellor, there are two ways to end this unfortunate incident. And the latter would be far more positive. For all of us."

"Why would that be so?"

"Well, the attacks were initiated by the Sith, but so were the rescues."

"What? There were no Jedi involved?"

"No."

"I see. How inconvenient." She clicked her teeth irritably. "Very well. If any survive I will give them in your care. If Roj Kell survives though ... We will decide that later."

"Thank you," Master Jeldo said pleasantly and lay a hand on Belana's arm to silence her before she could even open her mouth. Subsiding again she shot him an evil glare and rose with a polite bow. 

"I thank you too, Supreme Chancellor."

"Wait. Master Jen, I would speak with you in private." The Forshan waited until a surprised Ho'Din had left the office before she rose and turned her back on an equally surprised Belana.

"Master Jen, I hear you are with child?"

"Yes, that is true," Belana answered, a bit taken aback at how fast news travelled.

"If I may ask, who is the father?"

"Lord Kell."

"As I suspected. I understand, of course, that you feel indebted in a way to your lover, teacher, whatever he may be to you. But he is -"

"I know very well what he is," the Jedi Master told her icily, feeling her stomach clench at the Chancellor's cold tone. 

Turning to face her again the Forshan nodded slowly. "That I do not doubt. But others do not know him the way you do. We remember his games most vividly. And I want this to end as much as you do. I will not deny that child a father, but I wish that father were a bit more ... manageable."

"Oh, he is quite manageable once you know how to treat him. That is the lesson he is teaching the Jedi and I think we are all learning."

"A dangerous lesson."

"We shall see, won't we?"

The pain suddenly ripping through her body brought her to her knees with a painfilled groan. At the edge of her awareness Belana could hear the Chancellor call for help, but her mind was focused only on the golden flow that was screaming through her head, tormenting her with someone else's agony. Kell! she yelled inwardly, tears streaming down her face. By then though she was already blackening out. 

Tarla ran after the Republic troopers, concentrated on the battle fully. She had lost sight of Gyro some time ago, but she could feel his presence well enough. And he seemed to be all right so far. Dashing betweeen the soldiers she reached the front just in time before they met another group of Sith troops. The young Jedi Knight squared her shoulder and fell into an easy stance. Her mind became a deep void, as she had been taught, devoid of emotion and completely open to the flow of the Force. But to her suprise their opponents did not even try to engage them. Instead they retreated in good order. Tarla hesitated. She could hardly attack, or could she? When suddenly a tall alien stormed past her she jumped in shock. Dressed in flowing Jedi robes the Weequay paid her no heed as he stode toward the Sith troops, but the young woman remembered the reports all too vividly. 

"Hey!" she called and dashed foward to meet the Republic commander. "Don't shoot," she told him breathlessly. Then, her dark eyes seeking the 'Jedi' once more, she bit her lower lip hard. He was talking to a tall human urgently, gesturing wildly to get his point across. The other shook his head determinedly. Tarla held her breath. The Weequay held the human back when that one turned away to leave again. But the other brought his arm around, slapping the alien's hand away. The young Jedi's eyes widened in surprise when she noticed the black armor covering the human's forearms. Sechan! This had to be Sechan! With an angry roar she charged ahead blindly, unaware of the Republic troops following her. She met the pair head on, her lightsaber flashing. The Weequay stepped out of her way nonchalantly and turned to defend himself against the soldiers while the human smirked at her, his blue eyes full of contempt.

"Better give up now, girl, and I promise you a quick death."

"A shame I cannot promise you the same," Tarla hissed and brought her blade up under his.

He stared at her in astonishment, but then ducked down and tried to get her off her feet. She jumped high instead and kicked a boot into his face. Falling back he slashed at her again and missed her just barely. Tarla's mouth twisted in distaste. He was good, but she was better. Feinting left she let him block her saber but managed to connect with her boot again. He almost toppled over in pain. Still, he was able to snake out from under he next blow. But he had ducked too low. Bringing her left knee up Tarla hit his chin with full force and brought her lightsaber around in a beautiful arc that seperated his head from his neck most effectively. 

Nodding in satisfaction she raised her head to check on the Weequay. He was smiling at her calmly. Prepared to take the new challenge she brought her weapon to bear again, but to her surprise he simply shook his head. When she looked around Tarla noticed that safe for this one no Sith remained on the battle-field. This stand had allowed them to escape easily. She growled in the back of her throat, then snorted at the alien. 

"Who are you?"

"Novis."

"Then tell me, Novis, whta the hell are you still doing here?"

He laughed at that. "I am taking care of a friend."

"You let them escape."

"So?"

"What friend?"

His face turned grim. "He has been badly injured. I do not know if he will survive."

All of a sudden cold suspiciosn crept into Tarla's heart: "Where is he?"

"Over there," he said, pointing toward a large building looming into the sky not far away.

"Tarla!"

Whirling around she felt relief pour through her at seeing Gyro unharmed. He ran to meet her, then threw a doubtful glance at Novis. "Most of them have escaped."

"I know."

"Did you find Kell?"

"Not yet."

The Weequay's cool voice interrupted them. "I know where he is."

Roj Kell was awoken from his half-conscious slumber by busy hands running over his body in an effort to bring him back to the world of the living. He opened his eyes with difficulty to meet the frightened gaze of the girl Sechan had almost killed when he had arrived. She tried to prop him up, but he was too heavy for her. It was a wasted effort anyway, he knew. There was just one possibility for him to survive. Just one. Tears were rimming his eyes when he reached out to touch the girl's right arm.

"I am sorry," he whispered weakly and stroked her dry skin tenderly. "I really am."

She opened her mouth to reply but her words were swallowed by shock as his mind touched hers. Her face frozen she made small, tortured noises that he tried to ignore. Focus! The last time he had bonded with the Force he had had to rely on his strength only, but this time he could not afford that at all. Burying deeper into her presemce Kell sought the portal that would allow him to enter the flow once more. Her thoughts were nearly overwhelming him as she struggled against his hold, desperately trying to survive. She was twisting in his grasp, her struggles weakening him immensely. With an angry hiss Kell gave her a shake that rattled her body violently. But in the end she fell silent. 

"He was not there," Tarla said slowly, sounding awfully tired.

Belana pressed her lips together in an effort to not let her worry show. But there was no way denying what she felt inside. Her friend had just finshed her report on the battle on Deyer and the Council seemed almost as disappointed as Belana was herself. Her dark eyes sought the calm gaze of the Weequay warrior standing a bit apart amidst a group of Republic soldiers. The amnesty had been announced just after the battle had ended, but legally it did not apply to him, since he had been taken prisoner beforehand. He had confirmed Kell's plan and he had also reported the more gruesome details of what had happened before the Jedi's arrival. Kell had been injured and now he had vanished. Belana did not know what that meant, But she was still hopeful. 

Most of the Sith on the planet's surface had managed to escape somehow, but the threes hips had been captured by the Republic task force. The crews would be not be subject to the amnesty either. Shaking her head in astonishment the Jedi Master wondered again how her lover always managed to come out on top of the game. But from Tarla's report she guessed that Novis would be treated with the respect he deserved. After all, he had tried to end the battle. And he had not participated in any attacks. A masterpiece. Kell had truly planned this perfectly. 

"A true masterpiece," Diriwa chirped, echoing Belana's thoughts aloud. "And he did all this without the aid of the Force. Very impressive."

"Yes," Jeldo conceded. "You are right, but I would rather have him here than running around the Force knows where."

"He will come back," Belana said quietly. "Now that he has brought his point across he will bring the rest of them to us."

"Are you certain?"

"What else is left? And we have discussed this at length, as I recall. Don't back down on your promise now."

"We will not, do not worry. And the Chancellor will remain true to her word."

"She wants him to pay."

"We all do, in a way," the Ho'Din answered with a smile. "But I suppose we will have to show the same compassion we did when voting for the amnesty."

"Stay true to yourselves, that is all that is required."

It was exactly two days later that the Sith announced their arrival. 

Standing at the edge of the crowd that had assembled along the corridors leading up to the Council Chamber Belana held her breath when the small procession rounded the far corner to make their way down toward her. She smiled at the tall figure wrapped in a long black cloak, face hidden inside a deep cowl. He strode past her without turning his head once. Following the group inside the Jedi Master frowned slightly. Could she have been mistaken? Master Jeldo rose gracefully from his seat and nodded his welcome. Without a word the leader of the Sith group bent down and dropped to one knee. As he reached out to place the handle of his lightsaber on the floor in front of him the long, black robes and cloak revealed a piece of armor that covered the whole length of his forearm. Belana recognized the patterns immediately. Stepping up to him smartly the Jedi Master put her right boot-heel on the handle, trapping his hand underneath it. When he looked up at her sharply she pushed back his hood and nodded in satisfaction.

"I knew."

Roj Kell smiled at her faintly. "Well, I would have been a bit disappointed if you had not known," he countered and rose. Taking her hands in his he drew her close. "I have missed you."

"You were injured."

"Not too much."

"I am glad. And I have missed you too."

"Oh? Why am I not surprised?"

Looking down at her smiling face Kell felt like laughing. He was back with her and the sour expression Master Jeldo was wearing told him a great many things. Apparently the Ho'Din was none too happy about this turn of events. 

"Lord Kell, we are not too surprised either to see you here," the Jedi Master announced somberly.

"And did you enjoy the game?"

"Not as much as you did, I am certain. But this has been no game to us. We are sincere and I hope you are too."

"Most sincere. And _I_ hope you have learned the lesson."

"I think that we have. Although it was very hard to accept it from you of all people."

Roj Kell beamed at him: "Thank you for your honesty."

"We all have learned our lessons, I think."

"Yes, that we have."

"Still, I hate letting all of you get away like this."

"Ah, I see. But you will find that we are not all that bad." Kell flashed the Council a pleasant smile. 

"Let me put it as nice as I can: if none is as bad as you are I will be content."

"Thank you."

"The Supreme Chancellor will want to talk to you."

"I know, but she will have to wait, politics and all."

It was some time later that he was finally alone with Belana once more. Holding her in his arms he was not thinking anything, simply enjoying her warmth this close to him. She felt so radiant to him that it almost hurt. Burying his face in her hair he took a deep breath and smiled. 

"I am glad that it was Tarla who killed Sechan and not you."

"Are you really?"

"Yes. She needed that."

"Why?"

"How can she understand revenge when she has never felt hatred before? That is the essence of the lesson. They have to get out there to understand what they are supposed to do. You cannot raise children to become Jedi in this closed an environment. Else they will not be able to cope with reality the way they should."

"Still, someone needs to guide them."

"Yes, that is true."

"And they cannot be guided by revenge."

"All right. I agree."

"And you will still be Cor'dan?"

"I cannot be anything but that."

"Actually you can."

"Really?" She told him. He stared. "What?" Turning her head around gently so he could look in her dark eyes he found a hint of amusement lingering there. "This is ... a bit surprising."

"And how do you feel about it?"

"I am not sure."

"Happy?"

He gave her a helpless smile. "I don't think so."

"You are afraid." She frowned at that. "I thought you would be glad."

"It is just ... so much responsibility." He knew that it was foolish the moment the words were out of his mouth. Belana laughed softly.

"And since when have you been afraid of that?"

"Well, this is different. I am just not sure if I can be a good father."

Her anger hit him with full force. "Then I guess I will have to make up for that," she announced and drew his arms away, freeing herself from his embrace.

"Belana, don't be so mad."

"I am not," she almost shouted.

They were silent for a while. Belana stood by the window, staring out into the night and pouting. He did not want to interrupt her thoughts though. There was too much he had to think about himself. He had never even considered to someday have a real family. Somehow it had never seemed important. It would only have hampered his independence. But now he did not have a choice anymore, did he? If only because he did not want to leave Belana. And besides, he was curious. What would the child be like? What would become of it? Kell smiled again. Well, this was to be a new chapter in the book of his life. It would be fun to watch the child grow and learn. And he suspected that Belana would take care that it would not take too much after its father either. Raising his head he waited for her to turn around.

"Well, I guess it is worth a try."

"Don't try, just do," she told him tenderly.

"You know me," he whispered and rose. Wrapping his arms around her waist he placed a kiss on her lips and chuckled softly. "A bit too well, maybe," he added and her husky laughter rang though the night seductively. Moving slowly he drew her into a gentle dance that followed their very private tune, all of the ups and downs they had gone through together. And one thing was clear: whatever life held in store for them, they had found something that would last throughout an eternity. Literally. 

The End


	7. More Than It Seems

Backlash - More Than It Seems   
  
  
****

Backlash - More Than It Seems

1 year later, Coruscant, Jedi Temple

Amidst the sea of youthful faces a Twi'lek girl raised a hand timidly, her lekkus twitching. 

"Yes, Seeda, you have a suggestion?" The voice was cold, but there was an edge of something to it too. Weariness? Annoyance? It was hard to tell. 

"If the Force makes no distinctions, why do we have to bother?" 

"Believe it or not, rules are very important. They are there for a reason." 

"But, Master Kell, there are billions of different sets of rules in the different cultures and communities. Which one should we follow then?" 

"The right ones. And, Seeda, this is a History Class. I suggest you go and study Ethics with Master Zerkan if you are not interested in the subject. And now let us return to the Sith Wars." The voice stopped suddenly and then turned even sharper. "This is a beginners class. I am sure you know that." 

Jedi Master Belana Jen leaned against the door frame nonchalantly and smiled at her ennerved bond-mate. "And they are treating you well?" 

Clapping his hands twice Kell signalled the end of the lesson and waited until the youths were out of the classroom before he walked over to her. He wrapped his arms around her neck with a tired smile. "Teaching is not really my calling. Especially not teaching adolescents of any species." 

"I hear your Strategy classes are even worse. Even though the students are older." 

"They like to argue." 

"And I think you enjoy that. Let's go." Slipping an arm around his waist Belana was smiling to herself a bit sadly. 

"What's up?" 

"Hm?" 

"You seem preoccupied. Is it Enja? Something to do with her?" 

"No, she's fine. Yet." 

"Meaning?" 

Belana stopped suddenly and turned to face him again. "Kell, I have to leave on a mission. Negotiate a trade agreement. Again. But I need you here to keep an eye on your daughter." 

"Our daughter." 

"Think you can handle it?" 

"Certainly." 

"Good. Tarla will make sure that you treat her well, so beware." 

"Don't you worry." 

Belana smiled at the grim expression on his face. It was endearing to see how fiercely protective he had grown of his daughter. During her pregnancy he had tried hard to remain aloof, leaving her alone for days sometimes to go and brood a bit about the future. She knew that it was hard for him to cope with staying in one place for so long. But despite his grumblings she also knew that he enjoyed giving classes, no matter what he said.

Once Enja was born his demeanor had changed abruptly. Now he could not stand being away from the little girl any more than her mother did. But Belana had been given more responsibility and duties when she had been elected into the Council. And in addition she had taken on another apprentice. As if she had not enough to do. Her low sigh caught Kell's attention immediately.

"You won't go there alone, will you?"

"Novis will be accompanying me."

"Ah, I see."

"Well, he still has a lot to learn and I think this trip will do wonders for his diplomatic skills."

"When do you have to leave?"

"As soon as possible. The planet is called Ordesha. Do you know it?"

His eyes narrowed slightly as he was scourging his memory. "Ordesha... Well, it seems familiar, but I cannot say why. It is probably one of those insignificant backwater worlds," he sniffed disdainfully and shook his head. Belana laughed softly.

"You got that exactly right. But I have to go nevertheless."

"A waste of talent. I would much rather have you stay here."

"I bet you do." By now they had reached their apartment and Belana opened the door with a smile. A warm, comfortable silence filled the airy rooms and the smile deepened when she carefully sought her daughter's presence. Enja was fast asleep, by the feel of it, and that was a blessing. Although the little girl was no trouble, never crying or screaming, she still demanded a lot of attention from her parents. Belana blamed that trait on Kell. He walked past her soundlessly to look into the bedroom, trying to appear as if checking on his daughter was the farthest thing form his mind. Belana quietly made for the kitchen.

Sitting down on the high-backed chair that had been placed next to the crib Kell regarded the baby's sleeping face attentively. Her tiny head could fit into the palm of his hand easily. She was so delicate that he always felt reluctant to take her in his arms, fearing that he might break her fragile frame. It was strange how her presence could make him feel even more at peace than Belana's did. When she had been born he had had to come to term with the fact that he had been given a great responsibility, one that was hardly comparable to what duties he'd ever had before. He remembered that day well, how nervous he had been, how frightened. In hindsight it seemed ridiculous. Everything had gone well though and Belana had acted as if giving birth was the most natural thing in this galaxy. Still, to him all of this was incredible. Here was something he had no experience with, no knowledge of at all.

"Well, my little one, I am sure you will teach me all that." 

Leaning forward he bent over the small bed to run a hand over her soft cheeks tenderly. Touching her head ever so gently he felt a tendril of hair fall down into his face at the same time that the baby opened her startling blue eyes. Kell froze. With a gleeful giggle Enja launched herself at the strand of thick black hair and tugged sharply, leaning all of her weight in the pull.

Belana jerked out of some pleasant daydream at the angry scream that rang through the apartment very suddenly. For a second she was rigid with shock. What had happened? Then, racing into the bedroom, she found her mate standing a little apart from the crib, pulling his long mane together in a ponytail. His pale eyes were flashing furiously, a fact that did not seem to faze his daughter at all. She was sitting in her bed, staring at her father in all innocent, wide-eyed curiosity. 

"Another sneak-attack by the hair-grabbing little monster?"

"She surprised me."

Belana laughed. "She will give you a hard time once she's older."

"Maybe I should cut my hair short like you did."

Unconsciously running a hand through her dark brown hair that now barely covered her ears Belana shook her head with some determination. Of course it was more practical, but-

"Don't. Please." Imagine Kell with short hair! She shuddered with dread. He smiled at her discomfort.

"Then I will just have to teach her some manners."

"You can certainly try. But she's as stubborn as her father, so I fear you will fail miserably."

He shrugged. "She's four months old. I think I can handle her."

"I think she already has wrapped you around her little finger. Daughters do that, you know?"

"Not at that age!"

"Especially at that age. And look who's suddenly an expert on children. Come, I have fixed something to eat. You can bring her too."

Taking Enja from the crib gingerly Kell tried to keep her busy hands as far away from his face as he could. It was hardly possible because, admittedly, he wanted her close. So he carried her at waist-height into the kitchen, trying to ignore the amused look in Belana's eyes. Taking a place opposite from her he sat Enja down on his lap, warpping an arm around her to keep her still. 

"So, if you say you got to leave as soon as possible, what time-frame are we talking about?"

"Tomorrow, actually."

"A last minute decision? Why is that so important that it cannot wait."

"The political climate on Ordesha is somewhat hostile at the moment. I am also to investigate that particular aspect. But if you ask me the planet is close to a civil war."

"What? You are not going!"

"And who will stop me? You? No way, my dear. I shall be careful, if it eases your worries."

"Why would they send you of all people? You have a baby!"

"If you really must know, the discussion went as follows: Master Diriwa suggested sending you, a proposition that was rejected outright. Then they had the idea of sending me. I told them that I would rather stay here and take care of my daughter."

"And?"

"Kell, they would be foolish to try anything with a Jedi Master on planet. Especially knowing who she's bonded to," she mumbled almost too low to hear.

"So that's the catch!" Green eyes throwing sparks he looked at her sternly. "So they want me to run off and follow you, scare the hell out of the Ordeshan government and make them think again. But the Council cannot sanction that course of action openly and telling me would only have made me say no."

Belana shrugged. "We know you."

"Too bad. And what tells you that I won't accompany you anyway?"

"Enja."

He groaned softly. Damn, they really had him trapped. "Tarla could take care of her."

"Come on, this is supposed to be a surprise, so stop whining. And you would never trust Tarla to take care of your daughter."

"Our daughter. It is more the fact that is was supposed to be a surprise for me too that makes me so upset."

Early the next morning Belana Jen was watching her little family wistfully through the transparent cockpit of the ship that would take her to Ordesha. Novis had assumed the pilot's duties and was just now goinhg through the last preflight checks. The Jedi Master smiled at her daughter who was waving at her with pudgy little arms. Kell was holding Enja tightly, for once completely unconcerned about the mischievous bundle squirming in his arms. He wore a deep frown on his forehead and Belana could easily see that he was not happy with her leaving. Well, that could not be helped. Waving back at Enja once she turned to nod at her apprentice.

"We are ready."

"Good," Novis replied and smiled faintly. It had been decided by the Jedi Council that each of the surviving Sith be assigned a guide to help them get accomodated to life in the Temple. Kell had practically begged Belana to take Novis because he trusted the Weequay most of all. And he had turned out to be a patient and attentive student, even though his Sith training still showed from time to time. Belana knew she could rely on him. Take-off went smoothly and the Jedi Master was craning her neck to catch a last glimpse of the twosome they had left behind on the landing platform. She sincerely hoped that they would be all right.

Leaning in the doorway Tarla was watching the ship leave. She had not wanted to intrude on this family-goodbye, but now she wanted to offer Kell her help, if he needed it. He remained on the platform until the ship had vanished out of sight, then came striding toward her, unsurprised. Once he came level with her he practically thrust Enja in her arms, his features cold and forbidding

"I have lessons to teach all day, and since I assume you want to help you can watch her until I get a moment."

Tarla stared at him, a bit taken aback, before she accepted the baby and hugged her to her body. The little girl was squealing in delight. "Well," Tarla said, "I guess I am being bought and sold. If you could pick her up early this afternoon I shall be very grateful. Her presence will only upset my own apprentice."

"He'll have to deal with that sooner or later anyway. Best start now."

"What if she wants her Mama?"

"Then I guess she'll have to wait."

Storming past her Kell vanished around a corner and was gone. "Well, if your Daddy thinks he can spoil our day with his foul mood he is badly mistaken, don't you think?" Tapping Enja's stubby nose playfully Tarla smiled at the baby's startled yet curious expression. "Come on, let's have some fun."

It was five hours later that Kell hastened toward the small apartment Tarla shared with her apprentice. Knocking at the door he waited until she called him and went in with a smile on his lips. But that was wiped clean off his face when he saw Tarla's expression.

"Is anything wrong?" he asked, suddenly very worried.

Her tone was icy cold when she said: "You told me you'd have lessons all day. Schedule says you had exactly one. This morning. Why did you lie to me?"

"This is not going to get back to the Council, is it?" he tried hopefully.

"Cut the crap. Why?"

"Mind your words, little one. I do not owe you an explanation."

"You truly think so? Kell, you and I both know that everyone around here is keeping a sharp eye on you. If you do not behave the Council will have to take steps to bring you back in line. So why don't you just tell me the truth?"

A low hissed escaped between his clenched teeth, but he managed to keep his flaring anger in check: "I did some research on Ordesha."

"And? So did Belana."

"Not the way I did. The planet is practically roiling with the Dark Side."

"You can get a read at that distance?" she exclaimed in utter astonishment.

"Can't you?" he shot back nastily. "Where's Enja?"

"In Teeko's room. They have been playing for the past hour or so."

"Did she get something to eat?" Kell asked, all fatherly concern once more as he walked over to the Padawan's bedroom, and Tarla joined him half-way.

"Of course."

"He adores her," Tarla commented as she stopped next to Kell in the open doorway to watch the children play.

"Well, as long as he is careful."

She turned her head to look at Kell who had his arms crossed in front of his chest and was frowning at the little Rodian deeply. Teeko was currently pretending to be a valiant Jedi Knight on a mission to protect a wise queen and her people. The fact that the queen in question was more interested in playing with her toes than pay any attention to Teeko's fierce battles with the imaginary bad guys did not seem to faze the young Padawan at all.

"They'll be all right," Tarla said at last, smiling.

"Are you sure? They are children. And Enja is only four months old."

"I was here all the time. Do you want to bring her by tomorrow?"

"Actually yes. My next progress report is due tomorrow and I suspect it'll take some time."

Tarla nodded gravely. Every three months the Chancellor and the Head of the Council requested a report on how the Sith were adapting to their new environment and Kell had to share his evaluation with the Sith's respective guides. They were not always of one mind though.

"Well, then I guess we should say goodnight."

Carrying the sleepy baby very carefully Kell had a hard time dividing his attention between looking at his daughter and minding his step. But they made it back home all right and Enja was gurgling dreamily, her arms suddenly reaching out to demand to be hugged tighter. Opening the door to the apartment awkwardly Kell complied and raised her higher so she half-lay on his shoulder, her tiny head nestled against his neck. Her breath felt like a sweet caress and he smiled at her touch, feeling a warm sensation wash over his mind like a tidal wave. Finally inside the bedroom he hesitated putting her in her crib. Instead he lay down very slowly on the bed, placing the little girl on his chest so he could look into her startling blue eyes. Baby-blue. Belana had told him that all human babies were born blue-eyed when she had seen his shocked expression. Smiling at him faintly his daughter took a slow look around, her curiosity reawakened. Kell let go of her tiny body and Enja immediately rolled off her perch to land on the soft mattress. Sitting up she glanced straight at the window and the darkness lurking on the other side. It seemed to fascinate her. 

"See something you like?" Kell asked and reached out to stroke her head tenderly. "It is interesting, isn't it?"

Giggling happily she turned toward him and toppled over, her eyes going wide in surprise. But she did not cry, only stared at him, startled. 

"Brave little girl. Do you miss your mother?" Wrapping her in his arms he hugged her close. "Well," he added in a whisper, "I miss her too."

With the ship locked in hyperspace there was not much to do for both the Jedi Master and her former Sith apprentice. They went through some exercises and studied the data on the planet Ordesha that they had been able to uncover, but the atmosphere was overall tense. And it was Belana's fault.

"Master Jen, what is worrying you?" Novis asked at last, the tender words seeming out of place coming from his grotesque alien face. Looking up Belana sighed deeply.

"This mission. It is just so unpredictable. I have a feeling that we don't know everything yet."

"Well, we should find out in two days, and if they are hiding something we will uncover that too."

"I admire your confidence, Novis."

He inclined his head slightly, embarassed. "Thank you."

"But don't get cocky. This will not be easy. Diplomacy will be called for."

"Ah." Novis gave her a wry smile. "Now that is something where you excel." His features turned serious again. "Master Jen, if I tell you that you have made a grave mistake in leaving Coruscant, would you punish me?"

"Afraid? What mistake is that?" She frowned at him, suddenly suspicious. "And you know I would not punish you - much," she added, deciding to play this his way for once.

"You should not have left Lord Kell alone."

"He will be all right, I think. Everyone will keep an eye on him."

"But they will not be able to interfere the way you do. He is calmer in your presence, less on edge."

Pursing her lips thoughtfully Belana threw Novis a critical glance. "You may be right. But he has changed over the past year."

"Not as much as you might think. And remember, you see him with different eyes."

The next morning Tarla was up very early, preparing for the day ahead. There were a few things she had to do for Zerkan, and then Teeko needed some lessons and Enja would also be there to take care of. In short, it would be a very busy day. Yet she was smiling when someone knocked at the door and she called for him to come in. To her surprise it was Gyro. The smile faded a bit. 

"You expected someone else?" he asked coolly.

Tarla bit her lower lip. It had been six months since they had separated, but she still regretted her decision sometimes, missing the old days ."Kell was going to bring Enja so I can keep an eye on her."

"Right, it's time for the next report." He stood in the doorway awkwardly, apparently unsure of whether he was welcome at all. 

"And what brings you here so early in the morning?"

He jumped at her sharp tone. "Nothing, I just wanted to ask something..."

"Ask what?"

"Can you skip by for a moment at noon? I might need your help."

"What about the children?"

Gyro waved a hand dismissively: "They will be asleep. It will take only a few minutes."

Ah, so it was supposed to be a surprise. She gave him a smile and nodded. "All right. I'll see you then."

"Gyro, good morning!" a cheery voice announced from the hallway and Tarla almost choked on her words when Kell strode into the apartment, beaming all over. An unsusual sight.

"Good morning, Lord Kell," the young Jedi Knight returned politely and reached out to touch the baby perched on the Cor'dan's shoulders. Enja made a grab for his hand, startling Gyro. Tarla laughed. 

"Watch out, she's a little monster."

"Just like her father," Gyro breathed and flashed the threesome a quick smile. "Gotta go. Have a nice day."

After Kell had left again, leaving a whole set of instructions, Tarla busied herself with the files she had promised to update for Zerkan. Noon was awfully far away yet and she looked at her chrono wistfully from time to time, only to find that just a few minutes had passed. Enja was napping again and Teeko was a good Padawan and sat in his room, studying. What did Gyro want? Was she misinterpreting something? And why was she so excited about it even though she had been the one to break up? Strange, very strange. But, looking into her heart, Tarla found a tiny butterfly batting its wings weakly, wanting to be noticed. Maybe there was something left. Maybe they could get together again. 

A few minutes before the chrono reached noon she checked on the children, finding them both asleep, and heaved a deep sigh. Good. Tucking the blanket over Teeko a bit tighter she patted his head and smiled. "Sleep well." Enja seemed to be dreaming something funny, but she also was deep in slumber. Everything was perfect. Sneaking out of the apartment as silently as possible Tarla was smiling all over her face as she made her way to Gyro's quarters. 

It was noon and time for a break. They had been discussing back and forth, not coming to any real conclusion, and Roj Kell was annoyed. Excusing himself he darted out of the Council Chamber as dignified as he could and made his way to Tarla's room. Enja would probably be asleep, but it would be good to get out of that stuffy chamber for a while and just sit there and watch the baby sleep. Opening the door he was surprised to hear children's laughter and loud noises from the little Padawan's bedroom. And no sign of Tarla. With a frown he strode toward the other room and froze for precious seconds, his eyes widening in horror at seeing Teeko stand in front of his low desk, on which Enja was perched, watching him carefully. The little Rodian was exploring thr handle of Tarla's lightsaber curiously and as his hands wandered toward the activation button Kell realized that the blade would kill the baby, or at least hurt her seriously. Launching himself forward with a wordless scream Kell watched the laser beam ignite and then Teeko's arms jerked in surprise, sending the weapon flying over his head. The laser beam missed the Sith's face by inches and only because he had the presence of mind to throw himself out of the way in time. Landing hard he watched Teeko turn toward him, his black eyes huge with fear. But what caught his attention was Enja's crying. An angry red wound was slashed across her forehead, but she was too shocked to feel the pain yet. He was at her side in a heart-beat, but when he reached for her her fledgling arms beat him aside. Aghast Kell took a step back, totally confused. Then a small sound from behind made him turn around again. His eyes fixed on Teeko and narrowed into mere slits of green ice. 

Tarla could hear the frightened screams from two corridors away, but what was more was the stomach-churning feeling of the Dark Side raging through the temple. Racing ever faster she felt her heart turn to stone. Once she had burst through the door of her apartment though the darkness became almost overwhelming. The screams had ceased and all she could hear now was the horrible sound of a body being repeatedly thrown against a wall amidst a baby's desperate wailing. Then her protectiveness won out over sheer dread and she appeared in the Padawan's bedroom like an avenging angel. 

"Kell!" Tarla yelled, too afraid of what she would see to even look at her apprentice's prone form. Throwing her arms apart wide she sent the enraged Sith flying against the far wall. He let go of Teeko immediately, but rounded on her instead. The Jedi Knight swallowed hard. "Kell," she repeated, trying to sound reasonably calm. "leave him be." The little Rodian tried to crawl out of Kell's reach, but that one caught him again with predatory ease and indifference, dragging him back by an already broken leg. Teeko whimpered softly. "Kell, calm down," Tarla tried once more and wedged herself in front of her Padawan. "Everything is all right, see? Enja is okay," she shuddered at the lie, but the baby would heal again, she knew. Enja was still crying, unable to comprehend why her father was so mad. The furious light dancing in the black-haired Sith's pale eyes frightened not only his daughter. Shivering, Tarla reached out to cup Kell's chin in one hand and turn his gaze to his daughter. Recognition flashed across his eyes, but his face remained expressionless.

"What is going on?" a new voice demanded suddenly and Tarla turned her head to throw Gyro a grim look.

"An accident," she said.

"An accident!" Kell roared suddenly. "He nearly killed her!" The focus of his rage changed ever to slightly and the young Jedi Knight found his right hand lock around her own throat. "Where were you?" he hissed dangerously.

"Lord Kell, please," Gyro injected soothingly. "Let her go."

With a low growl the Cor'dan complied and rose to pick up his daughter and hug her tightly. But Enja was far too frightened by his dark mood to be comforted by his touch. She cried only harder. 

"Get a medic," Tarla asked Gyro wearily and patted Teeko's head. "It is all right, little one. You will see." Rising slowly she stepped up to Kell and gently took the baby out of his arms. Their eyes met briefly and Tarla was shocked by what she could see in his. She almost jumped back to get out of his reach and the pain in his eyes deepened even more when Enja, secured in Tarla's embarce, stopped crying. Whirling around he left the room without another word.

"Master Jen!"

Belana gasped in shock, trying in vain to shake off that eerie sensation. She pushed Novis away gently and rose from where she had fallen to her knees. "Please, I need some time alone," she whispered and made her way to her cabin. Dropping down on her bunk she leaned her back against the bulkhead and closed her eyes. She was searching for Kell's presence, seeking to make contact, but it seemed as if he was shielding himself against any intrusions on her part deliberately. The Jedi Master frowned. Something had happened, she knew it. Reaching out once more she sought that weaker presence, so bright and yet so fragile. Enja was asleep, but there was a hint of fear lingering in the baby's mind. Belana swallowed once. If something had happened to her little girl... Too bad that they could send no message from hyperspace. She would have to wait another day until they had landed on Ordesha until she could find out what exactly had occured. Even thinking about the unknown possibilities made her stomach turn. Another day of not knowing! It would be hell, she knew.

Slinking along the corridor tiredly Tarla blinked her eyes at the light of the early morning sun. She had spent all night with Teeko and Enja in the infirmary. The healers had done a terrific job on both and the little Rodian was asleep in a bacta tank, healing. The baby's burned skin would regenerate completely in time too, but the young Jedi Knight knew that Teeko for one would be traumatized once he woke again and even with the greatest care scars might still prevail in his soul. She felt terribly guilty over having been so careless and she feared her friend's wrath even more. Belana would be furious. 

"Tarla!" someone called her softly and then Gyro joined her side. He squeezed her hand reassuringly, but she could not stand any comfort right now. She did not deserve it. Taking her hand away she stopped and closed her eyes, fighting back tears of shame. "Where is Kell?" she whispered at last.

"I do not know. But I don't think he should be around Enja right now. It would only upset her again."

"I wish Belana were here."

"We all do," he said softly and Tarla opened her eyes again to look at the other people milling about. There weren't many, but those she could see seemed concerned, almost sad. But the most worried expressions could be seen on the former Sith's faces. How could he have been so stupid? 

"I just hope that the Council will treat this matter rationally," she whispered.

"I am sure they will."

Pacing the length of the living-room Kell tried to ignore both Master Jeldo and the Supreme Chancellor. But it was not much use. He had not been able to sleep at all and now he was even more on edge than yesterday. But he had known that trying to be with Enja would have been the most foolish thing to do. Cursing his own temper he was struggling with himself, his mind tumbling. He had acted like such a fool. No, even a fool would not have done what he had done. Shaking his head he heaved a deep sigh and dropped to his knees in front of the waiting pair, inclining his head slightly. 

"Lord Kell," the Jedi Master began softly, "we have tried hard to atone for what was done to you four years ago. We have called an amnesty for you and ever since then every one has tried to adapt to the new circumstances. Every one except yourself. You repay us with your ignorance and bad temper and you are making no effort at all at hiding your unwillingness to fit in. I speak for the entire Council and, I daresay, for the entire Order, when I say that we are more than just disappointed." The Ho'Din paused, waiting for an answer. It did not come. "What is more though, you attacked and almost killed a child."

Kell raised his head and opened his mouth to protest that the boy had nearly skewered his daughter when he noticed the challenge in the other's eyes. Gritting his teeth he lowered his head again, keeping silent. The objection was obsolete and it would be foolish to bring it up. "So?" he snapped instead.

"I admit that Tarla also acted incredibly irresponsible. What was it you once said? Never trust a fool in love. I am not saying that she is a fool, just very young. Too young perhaps for the responsibility her rank demands."

"You will demote her?"

"Lord Kell, maybe you should worry more about what we will do with you," the Supreme Chancellor injected, a slight edge to her otherwise calm voice. "You are lucky that we will not let your actions influence our judgement on your brethren."

That did it. "And why should you ever do that? They are not me!"

"Very true. But they still look to you as an example."

Master Jeldo harrumphed once: "As I recall the Supreme Chancellor made a promise and she is not someone to break a promise once it is given. Still, it is obvious that Enja is not safe around you, as no one seems to be."

Kell's eyes widened in understanding. "No," he breathed hurriedly, "please don't."

"Until Master Jen gets back from her mission you are not allowed to leave your quarters. You will not see your daughter, nor anyone else."

Fighting down his rising despair and fury Kell closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "A harsh sentence."

"It could have been worse."

"Worse?"

The Supreme Chancellor rose from her seat and folded her hands on her back. Brushing past Kell she walked over to look out of the window. "Lord Kell, you have proven yet again that you still are a danger to those around you. I have promised Master Jen your life, but I am seriously thinking about whether I can keep that promise under these circumstances. But killing you would be the easy way out, and easy is not for Jedi." Her low sigh rang through the eerily silent room. "But understand this: we have given you a chance to find your place in this society. So far you have only been playing, toying with the possibilities. I had hoped, and I know Master Jen did too, that your being a father would make your decision easier and that you would commit yourself fully to adapting to your new surroundings. You have rejected everything we have offered. I wonder if we should even continue making all these sacrifices."

"All I can say is that I am sorry." Kell watched Master Jeldo and the Chancellor exchange a meaningfuly glance, but before they could voice their doubts in his sincerity he continued. "You may believe that or not, but know this: I love my daughter more than you can imagine. I would never hurt her or her mother willingly."

"But anyone else who might pose a threat to them. What frightens me is the fact that it would have been totally acceptable for you to kill Teeko to protect your child. Is that not so?"

Nodding slowly he swallowed hard. But he knew that telling the truth was the only thing that could save him now. 

"Very well," Jeldo said at last. "This is the very last chance we can and will give you. If you should ever trespass the boundaries again we will not be so patient. The very least you could hope for then is a quick death, but I suppose that this would be too lenient by far. So I suggest that if you do not want to spend the rest of your life in exile, without your family, you should behave yourself. Think about it. It is that or else you will not see your daughter grow up, either way."

Closing his eyes in dismay Roj Kell completely forgot to breathe. Imagine life without Belana or Enja... Impossible. It hurt even to think about it. It hurt worse than anything he had ever experienced before. Gasping for air he nodded once more. "That is a deal," he whispered weakly, seeing Jeldo's face twitch in remembrance of their very first encounter. "I will not cross you again."

Striding down the short and steep landing ramp of their ship Belana tried hard to keep a friendly expression, reminding herself that she should not blurt out at her hosts asking for time to make a call. But she needed to know that her little one was all right. Forcing a smile on her lips she tensed even more at the sight greeting them. Soldiers were crowding the landing field, surrounded their welcome committee and eyed everything sharply. At her back Belana heard Novis give a soft hiss. This was not good, not at all.

"Master Jen! Welcome to Ordesha," a middle-aged woman told her warmly. "I am Elder Harane."

"Thank you, Elder. You have problems?"

"No problems. Why?"

Belana smiled tightly. She had made a mistake. Chiding herself for her foolish comment she put it down to her anxiety over Enja. Damn, she needed to concentrate! 

"The presence of military is a bit unusual."

"Not at all. But I imagine for a Jedi Master it might seem so. Please, follow me."

Hurrying to keep up with the older woman Belana smiled: "Ah, Elder Harane, would it be possible for me to contact Coruscant?"

"To check back in? Of course. We will meet for the negotiations only tomorrow morning, so you will have enough time to familiarize yourself with the subject."

"That is very thoughtful of you, but I would like to remain unbiased."

"Certainly."

They took their seats in an open landspeeder and Belana frowned a bit when she was separated from Novis, who was asked to ride in a second vehicle. He gave her a cool glance and a smirk. Apparently he wanted to tell her that he would be all right. Great. 

"Elder Harane, if you permit the question," the Jedi Master tried once more as they rode past the streets of the small capital. "Those trade negotiations have not affected the people?"

The woman's face darkened. "Indeed they have. Which is why we have requested a mediator. We have tried everything short of open combat to bring this conflict to a conclusion, but our suppliers are somewhat persistent."

"And you could not contract other suppliers?"

"We cannot afford much."

"I see. Thank you."

They completed the ride in silence and Belana was awfully relieved when she was shown to her room and found a comm installed there too. Her hands were trembling when she made that call she had been waiting to make for the past two days. But to her great surprise it was answered by Zerkan instead of Kell.

"Hello?" he said a bit testily.

"Zerkan! It's Belana. Why did you answer the call? Where is Kell?"

There was a sharp intake of breath. "It is a bit complicated."

"Enja?"

"Her too." Dropping down on the edge of the soft bed Belana closed her eyes in dread. "Are you still there?"

"Yes! What has happened?" she blurted out, her hands nearly crushing the comm link in her grasp. 

"Your daughter was in Tarla's care for the day, since Kell was busy. There was an accident. No, she was not hurt badly, thank the Force, but Kell almost killed Teeko in the process."

"Teeko? Tarla's apprentice? No!"

"I fear so."

The icy claws of fear dug harder into her heart. "What did you do to him?"

"He is under house arrest right now. Enja is with Master Diriwa."

"And Tarla?"

"She is currently busy with some exercises."

"Exercises?"

"Yes. She is my apprentice again."

Belana felt ready to cry. There she was, leaving just for a tiny mission and everything she had worked so hard to build up was gone. Remembering Novis' warning about Kell she bit her lower lip in self-disgust. My fault, she thought. "Can I talk to her?"

"Certainly."

There was a soft exchange on the other end of the line and then Tarla was there. Her voice betrayed her emotions instantly. "Belana? I am so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"Tarla..."

"Yes?"

"I would be lying if I said I were not mad at you, but rest assured that Kell has deserved my wrath much more. Is Teeko all right?"

"He is recovering."

"House arrest, is it? Master Jeldo should have banished him from Coruscant," Belana said heatedly, unable to contain her anger any longer. But then she sighed and shook her head. "No, that would only have sparked more trouble. How is he?"

"I ... don't know. No one is allowed to see him."

"Foolish, foolish. I will try to finish this mission as soon as possible. Is there any chance I could speak to Kell?"

"I will make inquiries and call you back, all right?"

"Yes, thank you."

Disconnecting the call she just sat there, eyes staring unseeing at the wall opposite from the bed. Her little girl, hurt. It could not be true! She had trusted him! Glowering at the comm still held firmly in her hands Belana wished that Tarla would hurry. She could hardly wait to tell her lover just what she thought of his carelessness.

When the comm beeped again she felt her heart thump in her ears. His voice, that she had been deprived of for far too long, made her shiver and cry at the same time.

"Belana?"

"How could you?" she sobbed, desperate. "How? You are such a fool!"

"I told you this would only bring us trouble, do you remember?"

"It did not have to be that way! Why must you be so stubborn?" 

"Belana, I did not mean to hurt you..."

"But you did," she sighed. "I gave so much for this, so much. Oh, Kell. What are we going to do now?"

"I am coming to Ordesha."

"No!" Belana screamed, horrified. "If you do that...," her voice gained strength once more. "If you do that I will kill you personally." Had the man no sense at all? To defy the Council once more would spell death for him.

"I have to come. You are in danger."

"Novis is with me."

"I know."

The comm link was shaking in her trembling hands. "Kell, what did you mean with this bringing us trouble?"

"You know me better than anyone else. You cannot lock me away and expect me to surrender. I never will."

"If you were banished..."

"I would not let myself be barred from my family. Even if it meant war again."

"Kell..."

"Please, Belana, I know you will not understand. But I do know what I must do. And I regret it. I regret it so much. For your sake. I am going to hurt you again and it is tearing me apart. I am so sorry. So sorry." Closing her eyes Belana listened to his quiet sobs. "I love you."

The call disconnected, leaving the Jedi Master shivering with despair. Curling up on the bed Belana cried herself to sleep, her thoughts focused on just one thing: he would die, one way or the other. And this time she would not be able to hold him back. 

The next morning saw her up early to meditate with Novis. But the Weequay had a hard time concentrating.

"Master Jen, please, what is wrong?" he asked at last. Belana sighed deeply.

"You were right. He won't change. Now he says he'll come here to talk. If he does, the Chancellor and the Council will have no choice anymore. Why is he taking that risk? I do not understand it." She shook her head in exasperation.

"Perhaps he knows something that we don't?"

That brought a smile on her lips: "Was that an actual question? I am certain he does, but what is it?"

The door bell chiming interrupted them. "Master Jen!" It was Elder Harane. Bounding to her feet the Jedi Master went to let her in. The elderly woman nodded solemnly. "It is time."

In an instance Novis was by Belana's side and then they followed their guide to the meeting hall. It was a rounded dome in the middle of the governmental complex, set in a beautiful, but serene park. Now, with the sun barely grazing the distant mountains, a light breeze was blowing through the trees, soothing Belana immensely. Unbidden her memories drifted to that one time on Alderaan, where she had first seen the true face of the Force in a park like this. It had been incredible. Just as incredible as her relationship to Kell. They both knew it could not work and yet they also knew that they were right for each other. It was frustrating. And Belana had so much to take into consideration now that she had a child. Kell did not seem to care for those things at all. He just did what he thought was the right thing to do. But he had to be aware of the consequences...

"Please welcome Jedi Master Belana Jen. Her apprentice, Novis."

Focusing on the situation at hand Belana managed a small smile as she nodded toward the assembly. Elder Harane showed her to her place and introduced the rest of the attendants to her. As expected Novis declined a seat and stood to silent attention at Belana's back, watching her like a faithful bodyguard. She could feel his uneasiness plainly. This was politics, diplomacy, a field he was not very comfortable with. But he was here to learn and learn he would. Setting herself Belana folded her hands on the table in front of her.

"Please, let me hear your points."

At the end of the first day Novis was showering her with questions about motivation and reaction. It was amusing to see his fierce alien features turned up in a look of wide-eyed wonder and curiosity. And yet he retained that air of calm deadly menace he seemed to carry like a shield. A shield that he was not even aware of. But Belana knew that a Jedi Knight needed to exude trustworthiness more than anything else. You could always show your teeth and claws later, if it became necessary. People who did not know the alien warrior would never take him for what he was, a Jedi apprentice. Maybe he even knew what kind of impression he was making and simply accepted it. Still, he was Belana's student and she vowed to herself that she would show him the subtlety of diplomacy yet.

"So, why do you think Elder Harane objected to their claim concerning right of passage, but accepted the request for higher payment?"

"A compromise," Novis explained. "I think she does not want to grant them access to the planet without observation."

"Yes, I think so too. But she also told me that the people cannot afford much. Why then the higher payment?"

"I have no idea."

"Neither do I. The question is, do we follow this lead or do we mediate the trade agreement first?"

They were seated on the veranda of Belana's quarters which led onto a perfectly kept lawn and down to an artificial pond that was gleaming in the moonlight. It was a peaceful evening with hardly a sound interrupting the Jedi Master's thoughts. All the more startled was she when Novis rose suddenly, his eyes fixed on the distant hedge and screening their surroundings carefully. Belana opened her mouth to ask what was wrong when she felt it too. There was someone close by, eavesdropping on their conversation, if she was any judge of the nervosity she could sense from that person.

"You might as well come out!" she called aloud and got to her feet to stand closer to her apprentice. A rustle of leaves broke the silence and then the presence flickered with uncertainty before it vanished rapidly in the undergrowth.

"Master, do you want me to hunt him down?"

"No. He will be back."

Curled up in a high-backed chair Tarla was looking straight ahead into nothingness. She was bone-weary, since Zerkan piled lesson upon lesson on her head, expecting her to work even harder than she had before. And she did. The results pleased her teacher, but she never saw why. It was humiliating, in a way, to be reduced to this level again, but she felt she had deserved it. Teeko was still not the same again and since his conviction she had heard nothing of Kell. Sometimes she would sneak by his apartment to pick up on his emotions, which, if Master Zerkan knew about, would get her into big trouble, but the Sith kept himself shielded tightly. Still, she knew he must be suffering, with both his daughter and his beloved separated from him. When Belana had called the Jedi had gotten a brief glimpse of his emotions, a flash of despair and sorrow raking across the temple with unbridled force. It had lasted only for a heart-beat, but Tarla had seen the others' faces and knew they mirrored her own pain. Did he know that they were suffering with him? Probably not. And even if he did, he would not care. 

Finally she could not stand the silence any longer. Slipping out of her room she snuck down the corridor and took the lift up to where the full Knights and Master had their living quarters. As apprentice she was not allowed up there without explicit permission, but Tarla did not care. She was lucky, for the guard on duty was someone she knew very well.

"Tarla!" Gyro whispered, catching her arm. "What are you doing here?"

She made a face. "What do you think? I want to see him. He needs someone to talk to."

"Even if he did...."

"Please!"

"All right. But not a word to anyone. If I did not feel the same-"

"Thanks!" Hugging him fiercely Tarla placed a kiss on his cheeks and went to unlock the door. The apartment was plunged in total darkness, the shutters closed with no light permeating the gloom at all.

"Kell?" she asked in a hushed whisper, searching for his presence and finding nothing. Suddenly a cold shiver ran down her spine. What if he was gone, had left somehow without anyone noticing? When the lights came on, blinding her, she stifled a startled yelp before she spun around to face him.

"What are you doing here?" he grated out, an angry frown on his forehead. The palor of his skin seemed to have deepened over the past few days and his eyes were darker than she remembered.

"I just wanted to check on you."

Lifting his eyebrows questioningly he bade her to sit down. "Really. No selfish reasons for your visit?"

There was no way fooling him. Dropping down on the indicated chair she waited for him to take a seat opposite from her. "I never got a chance to tell you how sorry I am for what happened to Enja. I should have been more careful."

"We learn from our mistakes."

Her heart-beat faltered at the sadness in his tone. "You must have been awfully mad at me. And Teeko."

"Yes," he said softly. "But I have forgiven you."

She stared at him for a long time, then managed a wry smile. "And what do you want in exchange for easing my conscience?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I also made a mistake. One that is haunting me now."

"Teeko will be all right, I am sure."

"Who said I was talking about him?"

"What?"

Leaning back in his chair he closed his eyes tightly. And when he spoke she could hardly hear him. "Back on Deyer I was dying. Novis told you that I was injured, I am sure. And there was only one way for me to survive and I wanted to live badly."

"What did you do?"

"I - bonded with the Force," he winced at his own words," by killing a girl who tried to help me. But I could not muster enough strength to perform the bonding without the help of the Dark Side. Hence the sacrifice she had to make for me."

Tarla hissed under her breath, suddenly understanding. "Does Belana know?"

"She knows, but she does not realize what it means."

"What does it mean?"

"That I have broken a promise. And I believe that this is the reason for what is happening right now. Remember what I told you about Ordesha?"

"You said it is clouded by the Dark Side."

"Yes. That is true. It is the past that comes back to be remembered. Which is why Belana is in danger. If I do not go to Ordesha she will die."

"Novis can protect her."

"No one can do that save myself. I am Cor'dan."

"Then tell Master Jeldo. He will let you go."

"No way. This is politics. If I ask him to give me permission to leave I will have undermined his authority. That he cannot allow. Especially not now."

"But if you go without any notice we will have no choice but to kill you."

His eyes snapped open and an amused smile appeared on his lips. "We, is it? Good, very good. Master Zerkan is teaching you well. Then I must assume that now, knowing what you do, you will give alarm and betray me?"

Shaking her head was the hardest thing to do for Tarla right at that moment. She swallowed hard before she rose quietly. "I was not here tonight. I did not hear anything. And I trust you, despite everything."

Following her lead he got up too. "Thank you. You are a true friend, Tarla."

"May the Force be with you, Lord Kell."

"And with you."

Getting past Gyro was not a problem. Not that he had anticipated it to be so. The two young people were truly committed to Belana, he could sense that clearly. They trusted her judgement, even if they did not trust his. But that was all right as long as it got him where he wanted. Keeping to the shadows he stalked along the passageways soundlessly toward where he could feel Enja's presence. So delicate, like a tiny flame that might be snuffed out by the lightest breeze. Thinking of her made him smile deeply, but then reality caught up again. What he was about to do would seal his fate, either way. Still, it had been his choice and he knew exactly what was at stake. As he had known from the beginning. The door to Master Diriwa's quarters was unlocked. Which was not alarming in any way. He could hear the Chadra'Fan's silent breathing as he stepped into the apartment. The windows where wide open and for a moment Kell just stood there, looking at the stars outside. With a sigh he shook himself out of his reverie and turned away to find his baby girl. She was asleep in her crib that unfortunately stood next to the Jedi Master's small bed. Moving softly Kell was careful to make no noise at all. And still, when he reached out to take his daughter in his arms she came awake with a start, blue eyes widening in fear. As she opened her mouth to scream he quickly intercepted her, laying a hand on her cheek to calm her again. But the fear would not go away. Slightly hurt he took a step back again. Enja was making small, frightened noises, her eyes bewildered. She still had not forgiven him his outburst it would seem. 

Kell shot a suspicious glance at Diriwa's still form before he dropped to his knees next to the crib. Gently reaching for her again he started humming quietly, letting the magic of his voice lull the little girl into a soothing slumber. When she started smiling he touched her again, this time tickling her belly playfully. Almost instantly she started giggling, her small, round face screwed up in disbelieving joy. "Ssh, don't," he told her pleadingly. If she kept on like this Diriwa would wake up for sure. But Enja only squeaked, crowing joyfully at her father, with no concern in the world anymore. He shook his head at her, but there was no anger at her disobedience, not at all. "Come now, little one. Let's get you back to you Mama." He wrapped her in his arms to lift her clear of the crib when the lights came on quite suddenly.

"Lord Kell?" the Chadra'Fan asked muzzily. "What are you doing here?"

For a second he froze, unsure of what to do. If he attacked her... "I have to leave."

She stared at him. "You are risking your life."

"Don't I always? And you are always quick to remind me too." Taking a step back he tried to make for the door, but her knowing expression held her back. 

"You are going to Ordesha?"

Kell nodded. "Yes. I have to be there."

"I know."

Hugging the baby closer to his chest he frowned at her. "And what is it you think you know?"

The Jedi Master hopped off her bed and put on a night-gown to cover her tiny frame. Then, her large eyes calm, she turned back to look straight at him. "The planet Ordesha was colonized just over a hundred years ago. But its history goes far back. Another people lived there over nine hundred years ago. They had moved in after the previous settlers had been wiped out. But they did not last either." 

"Loata told you, didn't he?"

"Ordesha is my home. It was his too, before he chose to join the Sith."

"Then you know-"

"That you killed them. And now the past is coming back to haunt you."

Shaking his head Kell stood up straighter. "Not the past, Master Diriwa. For how long have you planned this?"

"A very long time." She shrugged. "You should leave now. It is too late for anything else."

He nodded at her in understanding. Although he was fairly certain that the Jedi Master in turn did not understand what was going on at all. "I need a sling to put the baby into."

"Here," she grabbed a scarf and threw it at him. Catching it expertly Kell smiled. 

"We will meet again."

"Yes. And I am looking forward to that too."

"They agreed!"

Elder Harane was practically sparkling with joy as she hugged Belana tightly. "Thank you, Master Jen!"

"I am happy for you, Elder," Belana stated gravely, but she wanted nothing more than to be off this planet and get back to Coruscant. Her family needed her. 

"Oh, you are such a wonderful negotiator. But I am certain that you would want to return as soon as possible. You must have an awful lot to do."

"It is a big galaxy," the Jedi Master conceded quietly.

The older woman seemed to hesitate and the sparkle in her eyes vanished. "Yes," she replied, her voice strangely muted, as if something were preying on her mind. Suddenly Belana thought again of their nightly visitor who, against her forecast, had not returned.

"I have to leave. Thank you for your hospitality and may you live in peace. You and your people." Turning to walk out of the meeting house's door Belana suddenly found herself face to face with a tall Ithorian. The alien's strangely formed head swung gently from side to side as if he were trying to get a better view at her from his three-meter tall height. She smiled up at him. The natives of Ithor were gentle creatures, who loved nature above everything else. She was a goddess to them and taking care of her their religion. And then her thoughts drifted into darker territory again as she thought of her predatory lover, who loved nature as fiercely as he loved his freedom. "Greetings. May I help you?" Belana said at last.

The huge head lowered ever so slightly. "Judgement, Master Jedi. I ask you to speak judgement this day."

Taken aback by his harsh words Belana cocked her head to one side questioningly. "You want me to judge you?"

"Hardly that," Elder Harane injected icily. "Master Jen, this is Emphasa Lona. He heads the Environmentalist Party."

"Ah." Nodding gravely Belana kept her face closed tightly. The Environmentalists had been in fierce disagreement with the government party's efforts in getting this trade agreement settled. They wanted the merchants out of their territory. And yet again she remembered the town she had seen only briefly, the emotions and the moods she had been able to pick up there. "I will hear your request, Emphasa Lona. Now, please." That way she would be able to read Harane's reactions to the other's words.

The Ithorian waved her toward the conversation circle at the far end of the house. They took their places gracefully, all of them knowing that another diplomatic dance was about to begin. "The Time of Healing has arrived in this year," he started, his hands making an expansive gesture that was meant to encompass the entire planet. And to Belana it did. She shot Novis, who was still standing by the door, a disapproving frown, but he did not stirr from his place. Instead he was watching the small group attentively. "It is a tradition that dates back to the time when the first settlers came to this world. Twice doom came to destroy them, but some always survived and they prayed to the goddess that the demons would spare them the next year. At this time we, their descendants, offer the goddess ourselves by speaking judgement on the demons and speaking true."

It was hard for Belana to follow his reasoning, but she got the drift. So she had arrived at a time where there were either mass pardons or mass executions meant to soothe the anger of whatever god they believed had taken the lives of their ancestors before. Understandable, but still... "Then, if I am allowed, I will preside over the court, but I will not interfere with your customs. It is not my place," she told him softly, sensing that this was sore spot between Harane and Lona. He shook his head slowly. 

"I do not ask you to interfere. I ask for judgement."

"For whom?"

"I call for judgement for Pudere Sache."

The sharp intake of breath she heard from Harane was all Belana needed to identify this as a Bad Idea. But she was a Jedi Master. When called for help she had to at least consider offering her services. "Who is that?"

"A terrorist!" the older woman snapped, her eyes shooting angry sparks at the Ithorian. "The lowest scum and he will die for what he did. If there ever was one demon it is him." 

An image of Kell rising in her mind Belana stopped herself from disagreeing. Instead she ignored the Elder and rose. "Take me to him then. I will see if my judgement is needed in this."

Following the bristling Harane and the righteously triumphant Lona she almost jumped when Novis joined her soundlessly. "The watcher is back," he whispered softly.

"Here?"

"No. He left."

"He?"

"Definitely. If you are asking me, there is something very wrong with this planet."

"Kell claimed the same," she breathed thoughtfully.

"Then we must be careful. Very much so."

Belana grabbed his sleeve and stopped him short. Locking her eyes with his she was again amazed at his calm bearing. "I want you to make some inquiries. Ask around. Keep your eyes open. I know you are good at watching and noticing things. I am going to see this Sache and we'll meet tonight and see if we can catch our nameless observer somehow."

"As you wish."

Os'jenthana, the Home of the Jen-people. Leaning back in the pilot's chair Roj Kell closed his eyes against the starlines streaming past the viewport on the ship's journey through hyperspace. For a thousand years he had avoided thinking of the place or even passing anywhere close by. The memories had been tucked away safely out of his sight, hidden somwhere in the back of his mind, not forgotten, but dormant. When he had last visited that world it had already been renamed. Ordesha. The world of the doomed. His anger was reawakened as he remembered his grief, remembered standing alone at the grave of his people, the villages of the new settlers burning great holes into the blackness of the night. His Jer'fra had been interrupted by the death of his mother's clan, the last of the Sith. He had buried his people alone too, as he had avenged them much later, after he had abandoned his master on Yavin 4 and left him to die. 

The killing had been sweet then and the pain a little less. But it had not lasted. Desperate, he had sought out the cave where he had once aquired Wisdom, where he had been marked to become Cor'dan. The glowing light had refused to acknowledge him then, and he had been afraid to touch the golden sphere he knew to be the face of the Force when it decided to show itself on a more substantial level. He had pledged himself to the Force again then, but had failed to relive that awesome storm of light and fire and shadows that had dragged him into death and back again so long ago. But he had broken his promises. He had defied the Force. And now it wanted him to choose, the incident on Ordesha nothing but a ruse to force him to come back, with Belana's life hanging in the balance. How could he not have come? Five days more. And then he would have to decide. For or against. But secretly he already knew the answer.

Tarla was desperate as she faced the Council in the early hours of the Coruscant day. "But this is exactly what you wanted!" she protested. "You said he should go to Ordesha to settle this!" Throwing a suspicious glance at Master Diriwa she waited for the Chadra'fan to acknowledge her. After all it had been the Jedi Master's idea.

"Tarla, things are a little bit different from what we anticipated. Roj Kell has become unpredictable," the small alien told her calmly.

"Not more so than usual," Tarla snapped under her breath, but apparently Master Jeldo had heard her. He leaned toward her, his eyes boring into her mercilessly.

"I need not remind you of what happened the last time because of your rash actions." His voice rumbled over her head like a landslide.

"No," she breathed, casting her eyes down in shame. 

"Very well. Roj Kell has been warned, as have you, Tarla. I do not know what will come of this, but I do know that it will be nothing good. For any of us."

"Master Jeldo, with all respect, Lord Kell is not the monster you make him."

"I am well aware of that. And yet he is worse than you can imagine, Tarla. Our patience is at an end."

"No! Please! It would break Belana's heart!" the young woman whispered quietly, her voice thick with fear and sadness.

"You should leave now," the Ho'Din told her coldly. Hanging her head she turned around on her heels, like a sullen child, to wander out of the great hall and down the corridor. She did not really care where she was going. She just wanted to run away. 

"Tarla." The voice was gentle, yet firm and as she raised her head she was more than surprised to see the Supreme Chancellor standing there just inside the shadows. "Walk with me," the Forshan said gently and nodded once. 

"The Council has sentenced him already," Tarla sighed, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them.

"This is not their business."

"No?" A tiny spark of hope was returned to Tarla's aching heart. 

"It is not the creed of the Jedi to take lives so senselessly. I have made that decision for reasons Lord Kell understands perfectly well. He knew what he was doing. And by doing what he did he accepted the consequences." Stopping suddenly the Chancellor turned to lay her hands on the younger woman's shoulders. "I know that you have grown through this, that the past four years have yielded hard lessons for all of us. But these are trying times. And someone has to pay the prize."

"What if they do not come back?"

"I pray that they won't. But I have a feeling that they will not have a choice in the matter."

The moment Belana walked through the door and set her eyes upon the man sitting slumped on a chair in a barren cell, his hands bound behind him, she knew he was trouble. Pudere Sache was a small man, wiry, with thin arms and legs, a thin chest and a narrow face. His dark, lanky hair hung into his face like a small curtain, but it could not hide the fire burning in his eyes. Belana almost took a step back. She had seen that expression before, the despair mixed with resignation and acceptance, a fierce flame that refused to be strangled by the storm that assaulted it with brute force. Silencing her escort with an impatient wave of her hand she closed her eyes and reached out with her mind to touch his. Almost immediately she recoiled, as if seared by the fire burning the man's eyes, a fire that filled his presence to bursting. The glowing, golden light seemed to turn toward her, holding her tight in its terrible grasp. _Release me_, it said and Belana shivered with silent awe and fear. Did they know what resided inside that shell? Did they know what this man was? What he held secret? Most certainly they did not. Shaking herself out of her trance the Jedi Master turned to regard both Harane and Lona very sternly. 

"What crimes has this man committed?"

"He lay fire to the Chutana of Kulan."

"He burned down the meeting house?"

"Yes. Twenty people were killed."

"Did he say why?"

"No. He has not spoken a word."

Of course not. How could he? Whoever this man had been before was wiped away by what he carried under his skin. _I cannot handle this! _Panicking, Belana wondered fleetingly if Kell had suspected something and if this was the reason for his coming here. It was not really a question though. She knew he had. He always did. But what was this about?

"I will need to question him nevertheless." They complied without another word and left.

Finally alone with Sache Belana walked around him cautiously, her eyes boring into the back of his head, alive with a million questions. Why had this happened? How? Reaching out to his mind again she touched the golden light very carefully, as she had been taught. Diving into the glow she was just a bit disappointed that this time there was no dark shadow gliding through its depths with her. She was all on her own. Alone with the Force. 

"Novis!"

He had been watching her for the past few moments as she had neared their small bungalow, but had waited for her to acknowledge him first. Such patience was at the same time highly impressive and annoying to Belana. She was too excited to cope with either. Her blood was still singing with awe and wonder.

"Master Jen," he answered calmly and rose from his place. "I have found our quarry."

That brought her up short and her mind out of some fuzzy realm far from reality. "You did?"

Nodding slowly he cast a casual glance around and turned away to walk into the small living-room. Belana half expected to find some visitors waiting there for her but found only silence. A small gesture cautioned her to keep quiet and then her apprentice dropped down to the floor, sitting there cross-legged, the perfect picture of serenity. For a moment Belana just stood there, entranced by the sight, and for a split-second a strange desire flew across her mind, startling her. It was not passion or anything remotedly close. Not even love, but something much closer to greed. She shuddered quietly, hoping against hope that the night's darkness would hide her feelings. A bit unsteadily she joined Novis on the floor and looked up to see that his expression had remained unwaveringly calm. If he had noticed something he did not show it. A bit embarrassed Belana wiped a stray strand of hair from her forehead. She understood what he wanted. A conversation beyond human perception. Closing her eyes she concentrated and reached out to him, feeling the connection between them slide into place and hold. 

‚What did you find?'

‚The planet is close to a civil war. People have been starving. There is a resistance movement. Apparently Emphasa Lona is part of that movement. Most Environmentalists seem to be.'

‚You found all that out in one afternoon? I am impressed.' And a bit confused, Belana added to herself. The strange sensation was back and this time there was something decidedly odd about it. She felt a little warm, just the tiniest bit flushed, as if ... Abandoning that train of thought she blushed hotly. Novis was not really her type and besides, she had the most wonderful lover in Kell. Hadn't she?

‚I was using my charms,' Novis explained, slightly amused. 

And Belana realized that he really was attractive in his own way, that he was all Kell was, and more, so much calmer and less unpredictable. Suddenly he seemed perfect to her, as if her eyes had just been opened to the truth. Swallowing slowly to regain her focus the Jedi Master smiled: ‚I also found some very interesting facts. And it fits in well with what you told me. So who are the bad guys? The government?'

‚I am not certain, Master. Maybe them and maybe their suppliers.'

‚You are right. We need to get in touch with the resistance.'

‚How?'

‚I want you to free Pudere Sache. It is vital that he reaches them. I can sense it.'

He seemed surprised, but then conceded: ‚If you say so.'

‚You do not believe me?' The sharpness of her tone shocked even her.

‚No, it is not that, Master Jen. What did you find out about him?'

‚He must be part of that resistance movement and that is the reason why Lona wants him to be released. By having me look at him he tried to get me to notice.'

‚Why not talk to Elder Harane first?'

Belana frowned. ‚I did ... talk to her," she answered a bit hesitantly. She had, hadn't she? Suddenly everything seemed so strange, her memory blurred.

‚Are you feeling well, Master Jen?'

‚Yes. Please, you must go now. Someone will meet you at the Northern edge of the town.'

‚I - Master, this is a bit - odd.... Are you certain that you are all right?'

‚Yes!'

Novis stared at her, completely taken aback by her outburst. He rose without another word, nodded at her and vanished. Remaining all alone Belana let out a shivering sigh. What was happening to her? The warmth she had felt rising inside her had turned into a roaring fire by now and while she was successfully holding it back she was still aware of it lurking in the back of her mind. She shook her head in determination and took a deep breath. Then, focusing on the noises surrounding the small bungalow, she began a soothing series of exercises and meditation. Which was brutally interrupted by an entire squad of security personnel storming the room.

Loneliness had driven Tarla to see Gyro more often. Since Master Zerkan was keeping their relationship strictly between student and teacher, refusing her his friendship as a sort of punishment for her misbehaviour, she had increasingly kept to herself until she could stand it no longer. On the surface everything seemed back to normal, but that was just a disguise for what was going on in reality. The entire temple was in a quiet uproar that noone could understand fully. It was just that everyone was feeling on edge, sensing a disaster to come. And they had heard nothing of Belana in two days. 

"I am really worried," she whispered into the silent room, the words aimed towards the chair Gyro was currently occupying.

"Maybe you should. If she doesn't report back in the next few hours Master Jeldo will call this Elder Harane personally. 

"Do you think that maybe something has happened to her?"

"I do not know. But there is definitely something going on."

It was exactly two hours later that the Jedi Council broke the news and one more before Tarla and Gyro were allowed to watch a recording of the message that had reached Coruscant just four hours earlier. The Supreme Chancellor had managed to postpone its broadcasting for now, but tomorrow at least snippets of the little speech would appear on the news everywhere around the galaxy. The two young Jedi sat in glum silence as they followed the words being spoken by Elder Ghonid of Ordesha in a very solemn tone:

"Exactly one year ago one bloody war was ended and now another one has started. A year ago the government on Coruscant announced an amnesty for the survivors of the war against the Sith. Since then the Jedi have been guarding their former enemies closely. Too closely, as it would seem. Ordesha had only recently requested a mediator to settle a simple trade agreement. Now we are at war with our own people. And, as I am very sad having to tell you, this bloodshed was initiated by a Jedi Master. This woman has murdered our elected leader, Musa Harane, and allowed a convicted terrorist to escape custody. Her accomplices are still at large and we were shocked to learn that one of them is indeed a former Sith warrior. I therefore call on the government of the Republic to investigate this and bring the Jedi to heel." Tarla hissed under her breath in righteous anger. But Gyro was seemingly transfixed by the Elder's words. She nudged him in the side to get his attention and got an angry glare for her trouble. Meanwhile the recording went on. "We hope dearly that the Supreme Chancellor will stand with us in this struggle and that those responsible will be convicted for the wrong they have committed."

"Master Jen!"

Blinking against the garish light Belana opened her eyes very slowly. She felt awful and her head was pounding like mad. Gradually recollection returned to her and she groaned softly as the past events hit her with full force. Sitting bolt upright she almost screamed as the headache reached unbearable levels. Novis was squatting next to her, his expression as earnest and concerned as she remebered seeing it last on him. Next to him Emphasa Lona was hovering like a protective cloud, shielding her against the sunlight.

"You freed me?"she asked at last even though it was obvious. When she had been accused of murdering Harane, locked up and screamed at she had not understood even half of what had happened. Nor did she now. It all was so confusing and her thoughts kept trying to flee in all directions at once.

"Master Jen, what has happened?"

She giggled foolishly. "How should I know?"

"I have no idea," Novis bit out and threw a look over his shoulder at the Ithorian looming over them. 

"Master Jen," the alien rumbled calmly, "we are not sure ourselves what has occured, but fact is that Ordesha has been put in a state of emergency. We do not have an army though. The government has hired mercenaries to track us so-called terrorists down. In short, we are in deep trouble. To put it nicely."

"Novis," Belana sighed and wrapped an arm around his neck. "I have missed you so much!" He stared at her, at a loss of what t reply. "You are such a good apprentice! So good! And so obedient. Where is Sache?"

"Gone," the Weequay growled. He rose, breaking her half-hearted embrace, and the look in his eyes was more than suspicious. 

"What is wrong with her?" Lona asked, aghast.

"I have seen something like this before. And it was not pretty." Belana watched through a happy haze as his head came up abruptly. "They are coming here. We had better leave."

Having landed the ship in one of the mountain swamps Roj Kell stepped into the dank air gingerly. He had wrapped the sling around his neck and one arm supported the baby sleeping in it gently. She had been such a good girl. And maybe she had sensed that they were going to see Belana. It felt so strange to be back here though. For centuries he had avoided this place, such were his memories. And now they were coming back to haunt him. A broken promise, a girl's death, and he was here again. Roj Kell truly dreaded what was awaiting him here. Even though he believed he had already made his choices he felt uncertainty gnaw at his resolve with sharp, acid teeth. Shaking himself to regain his focus he held the baby closer and nodded at the sky. First he would find Belana and explain everything to her. And hope that he was not too late already.

The swamp had a familiar feel, the sound of young voices filling it with laughter and screams, memories creating images that he had thought long forgotten. The sucking noises the moist ground made underneath his feet made him smile though and he woke up Enja to let her enjoy their surroundings too. She opened her blue eyes suddenly, staring at her father wide-eyed, before she tried to sit up and grab a dragon fly that was buzzing past them. Belana had remarked that for her age Enja was very well-developed, especially her eyesight and hearing. And her curiosity. Stroking her head gently Kell moved her up to position her on her favourite perch. She grabbed a tiny fistful of his hair in each of her pudgy hands, hanging on expertly. 

"Okay then, my princess, let's go."

He had landed the ship so far from any settlements on purporse. For who could know what was going on there? And he did not want to announce his presence too early. It was a futile gesture toward his opponent, that he knew. Yet his independence had to be maintained for as long as he could. That was very important to him. Maybe too important, he told himself ruefully. His quest for freedom had sparked so much trouble already, and things could only get worse from here on. Shaking with sudden fear he stopped, unable to go on. 

__

I am not ready for this!

But you are. Come to me. Come and you will see for yourself.

"A convergence of the Force you say?"

Zerkan nodded calmly. "Yes. We checked twice, just to be on the safe side. There definitely is something about Ordesha."

"Kell said it was the Dark Side," Tarla, standing next to her master, piped up, still determined on saving the Sith Lord, if she could. The Council ignored her, but Master Jeldo nodded at Zerkan questioningly.

"Was it the Dark Side, Master Zerkan?"

"No, most definitely not."

"And the reasons for this convergence?" Diriwa asked.

"There is just one," the Ho'Din explained. 

"You don't mean Kell, do you? That is impossible. The Force is no sentient being that could recognize a threat and act against it."

"I did not say it was a fact," Jeldo told the tiny Chadra'Fan calmly. "But Lord Kell believes in the Force as an entity. I wonder if there might not be some truth to that belief."

Another councilor snorted softly: "You cannot seriously consider such a barbarian belief valid."

"No? Lord Kell is no barbarian. And he has a great insight into the Force. He has taught us that it requires balance, if you recall, Master Zusha, and if Lord Kell noticed the Dark Side at Ordesha and we now find that the Force is converging there, it might mean that balance is being achieved."

"You may be right, Master Jeldo. I still think we should interfere and send someone there."

"The Ordeshan government has made it very clear that they do not want more Jedi on their planet. And the Supreme Chancellor has already taken steps to solve this diplomatically."

"Still," Diriwa cut in, "public sentiments are somewhat hostile since the news has broken."

"I have noticed, thank you, councilor. And yet, we need to prove that we are neither conspiring with our former enemies nor trying to destroy the peace for selfish reasons. I hear some say we are trying to redeem our reputation after Lord Kell nearly destroyed it a year ago."

Tarla jerked in surprise. Hadn't it been Master Diriwa who had suggested last year that this was exactly what the Sith were doing? Why was she trying now to help exactly that to happen? Frowning at the Chadra'Fan the young Jedi resolved to keep a very close eye on her. Of course, Diriwa had allowed Kell to escape, but that could have had many reasons. One of them.... one of them could be that she had wanted him to go to Ordesha and by his actions justify the government's accusations. Her eyes widened as realization dawned. Diriwa had first suggested Kell to negotiate the trade agreement on Ordesha! What if she had known beforehand what was going to happen there? Tarla started fidgeting around, suddenly awfully excited. She needed to talk to Master Zerkan in private. Then he could bring it up with Master Jeldo. 

A few hours later she was sitting quietly in a chair in the Supreme Chancellor's spacious office and listened to Zerkan repeat her theory. Seated in another chair Jeldo was also following the story closely. After the Jedi Master had finished three pair's of eyes fixed on Tarla.

"It is very laudable that you are trying to save your friend's life, Tarla," the Supreme Chancellor began, "but this is far more complicated than you can fathom. Even if what you suggest is the truth Lord Kell has still broken a promise. You may think this cold, but your way would be far too complicated to explain too."

"So you are choosing the easy way out? Tarla asked, incredulous.

"You think this easy?" the Forshan snapped. Growling softly she was visibly calming herself down again. "No, my dear, this is far from easy. But I have a duty to the people in this Republic and what they want to see is justice. They do not care for political intrigue, just for security and protection from evil. I do not want Lord Kell to die, but I know that there will be a lot of trouble if I let him live. It would convey the wrong image, one that would have the wrong-doers get away just because they have influential and honored friends. Justice cannot stop at the Jedi Temple, Tarla. Your friend knows all that and for whatever reasons thinks it is worth even that. Maybe it is injust, in a sense, but it is the only way, politically."

"Are you telling me that compassion is just another word when it comes to polictics?"

"No. Compassion can be very painful, and it is much harder to handle than politics. If I were acting compassionate in this matter Lord Kell would not have survived Alderaan."

Her mind still felt a bit fuzzy as Novis dragged her after him, deeper into the mountains. Soon forested swamps embraced the small group of refugees and slowed down their flight. Novis had taken the lead and was finding them a path through the morass expertly. Still, Belana had the feeling that their hunters were gaining on them. Very suddenly the swamp opened before them and allowed them a breath-taking view into the plains down at the foot of the mountains. Without a word Novis darted to the edge of the cliff they stood at and crouched down low. He let his eyes wander along the rim of the gorge, searching. Finally he gave the others who had stayed behind in the protection of the forest a sign to come out. 

"Quick now," he growled. " Run along and try not to fall. Get back into the swamp as fast as you can, but mind your steps. Go!" 

Belana was brutally shoved forward and stumbled after the Ithorian Emphasa blindly, her mind still too dazed to grasp what was going on. Theoretically she knew that their position was far too exposed right now, which was why the Weequay urged the fugitives on to run even faster. Had she been in full possession of her senses she would have known that danger was lurking nearby. But as it was Novis was too busy keeping track on the mercenaries hunting them and on getting everyone back into safety to notice. Very suddenly an assault shuttle dropped out of the sky, stopping its fall gracefully in midair.

"Duck!" Belana heard her apprentice yell and she did, just a second before she was nearly run down by a slender figure that shot past her at lightning speed. Turning around to follow its path she felt time slow down as the events unfolded. The gunners on the assault shuttle were the first thing she noticed and in an instance her mind was completely clear again. All around her the refugees were scrambling for safety, but her eyes were solely fixed on Novis, who had whipped out his lightsaber and prepared to deflect any laser bolts aimed at the fleeing mass. When he finally became aware of the small man charging at him he whirled around, but oh-so-slowly, his alien face showing a slightly surprised look. And then recognition flashed across his features. He brought the blade of his weapon around in an elegant arc, but at the same time a blue blaster bolt streaked toward him from the shuttle. Belana screamed when it hit him, her senses so keen and crystal clear that she thoughts he could hear his flesh burn and sizzle. 

"Novis!"

His eyes met hers grimly when his arms fell down to his sides and the lightsaber landed on the soft, moist grass in front of him. The attacker followed his gaze, an evil smile on his features and Belana knew for certain that she was looking the Dark Side in the face. But Pudere Sache held her gaze only for a heart-beat before he threw himself at the already weakened Weequay. The impact sent them both over the edge and Belana felt her hand fly up to cover her mouth in shock. Only the awful sound of blaster fire could bring her back again. 

"No," she whispered, still too numb to react to the screams around her. But then she caught herself again and took a hard look around. The mercenaries had stormed onto the ledge in hot pursuit of their prey and Belana was one of the last fugitives who were still in this exposed position. Above her the roar of the assault shuttle rang like thunder. And it exploded in a glorious flash of light as suddenly as it had appeared, sending sharp shrapnel and hot metal flying across the attackers. 

"Master Jen!" She turned around to see Emphasa wave at her urgently. But something caused her to look back again, toward the swamp. 

"Su sheta!"

The two words had enough power behind them to let her legs buckle and make her fall to her knees, and when all fire ceased only to be replaced by confused babbling, she closed her eyes with a mirthless smile.

"Stop this!"

The silence rang across the assembly louder than anything else. Belana raised her head slowly, labouriously, to see her lover standing there against the backdrop of the swamp, the air around him hot and metallic with fresh blood. She shivered, for a moment remembering something she had thought long forgotten. His eyes sought hers and then he frowned. Belana almost laughed in relief at the miffed look on his face, but then she saw Enja cradled on his left arm, her tiny hands holding on to his cloak desperately, her eyes wide with fear.

"Enja!"

Belana stumbled to her feet, suddenly cold with dread. Making her way toward the pair she moved clumsily, and her exhaustion made itself felt almost overwhelmingly. Still, as she reached out to her daughter her happiness knew no bounds.

"Stay where you are," Kell snapped suddenly, his eyes narrowed into slits of cold, green ice.

She stopped out of sheer surprise. "What?"

"You dare," he hissed, taking a step toward her. 

"Kell, it is me, Belana!"

For a second uncertainty flashed across his features and then his face fell. "Belana? Are you all right?"

"I guess so. What about you?"

"No! Don't touch her!" he almost screamed when she reached for Enja again.

"What is it with you?" she shouted right back in his face. This was ridiculous! To her great horror he carefully placed the little baby on the ground next to him and made a strange gesture above her tiny head that Belana hoped was for protection. If there were any poisonous insects or amphibians...!

"On your knees," he ordered, then added with a helpless smile, "Please." She complied, still unsure what to make of this. "Thank you," he mumbled as he touched her forehead. "You are a little too tall to do this any other way." After a while she could feel his breathing deepen and when he spoke again his voice was very hypnotic, soothing her immensely. "Just as I thought. A deep bond, but not too deep. I should have known. But I will not allow this, not that way. To think I would tolerate all this and then come crawling back and groveling... You are okay now," he said at last and helped her up. She stared at him, trying in vain to understand his ramblings. 

"Kell, would you please tell me what is going on?"

He gave her along look before he bent forward to kiss her. "Not yet. But soon, I promise. Go back to the capital and wait for me there." 

When he turned away again, seemingly oblivious of the little girl playing at his feet Belana felt tears in her eyes. Picking up her daughter she watched him leave with a heavy heart.

"Master Jen!"

"What is it, Emphasa?"

The Ithorian was staring at the carnage spread out before him looking slightly sick. "What are we supposed to do now?"

"We go back."

"But-"

"No but. This nightmare is over."

With every step he took Roj Kell felt his anxiety rise, and he was torn between the need for Belana's presence and bringing all this to a conclusion. In the end though his determination won out over uncertainty, as it always did. It was a long march through the swamp and when the light dimmed with the approaching evening he found himself remembering his initiation as Cor'dan. He had been so excited, a seven year old careful not to show his emotions, fighting down his pride and joy valiantly to appear calm and composed, as was expected of him. Today, over a millennium later, he had returned quite unwillingly, and instead of pride and joy he felt nothing but anger and betrayal. Still, when finally he had reached the canyon that would lead up to what his people had called the Mountain of Enlightenment, he did not hesitate at all. The shadows were creeping along the steep walls crowding him in, whispering in a million voices that he ignored completely. To Kell the rocky ground underneath the soles of his boots felt familiar, and of course, nothing had been changed since his initiation. He had been the last to walk that path before his people had been annihilated. 

The cave's entrance looked like the jagged maw of some giant creature. Kell gave it a contemptuous glance before he strode into the darkness. He did not need any light to illuminate his path and strangely enough the dry air and cool silence of the cave managed to soothe him at once. It was as if all of his dark emotions had been wiped away to be replaced by nothing but calm. Once he had reached the end of the long chamber he dropped to his knees and raised his left hand to touch what looked like a pool of liquid silver. Immediately the metallic gray turned a sheen of gold that continued to build in intensity until the light blinded his eyes mercilessly. Still he refused to look away.

"You called me," was all he said.

The answer was prompt and full of scorn. Listening carefully he kept his mental shields stable, even though he knew that this was a complete waste of energy. When the voice that was no more than a feeling turned more pleading he shook his head slowly. 

"I cannot," he whispered, his tone flat with sorrow. 

The golden surface shifted again and he felt amusement, tinged with impatience emanating from the glowing sphere. This time Kell averted his gaze from the light. 

"I understand. But I abandoned her once already." 

The response nearly blew his mind apart. He barely managed to catch himself on his hands as he flew backwards. Gasping for air he saw tears blur his vision. 

"So I did abandon you too! Is that why you are punishing me now?"Growling softly he pushed himself upright again. "I know you cannot change me and that what you are to me now is the result of my own making. But I have made my choices, always, on my own. I do not need you. Not anymore." The words were tearing his own heart apart, but he had to be hard on himself to make it understand. "Please. Let me go. I asked you once before and you did, for a time, knowing that I would come back in the end. But this time I cannot. All I can ask is that we part as friends, not enemies." 

The challenge was unmistakable. Roj Kell raised his head proudly, pale eyes clear and calm.

"So be it." 

But as the light withdrew he could not help himself and reached out to touch it one last time. It did not evade him, as he had anticipated, but as his fingertips brushed over the cool surface he knew that he was being manipulated again. 

"Sh sei rega Cor'dan ne sootha. Mileio jeh'ko dena. Ar'deno." 

His voice was soft, barely audible in the thick silence filling the cave. And yet its power reached down into the deepest core of the planet and beyond, bidding farewell to the past and setting a new course for the future.

Belana found that her prediction had been right on target. Somehow noone seemed to remember the conflict anymore. It had been nothing but a nightmare. But Novis was still dead. Holding her little girl close she walked back toward her little bungalow after having met with the Ordeshan government representatives. They had been even grateful for her assistance in mediateing the trade agreements, but she could not forget what Elder Ghonid had said when she had told him that her apprentice had died. _It is a time of healing, and the demons that haunt us are banished into darkness._ He had still been convinced that as a former Sith Novis had deserved anything that he had had coming at him. Even death. So the battle was not over yet. 

"There she is!"

Raising her head Belana gaped at the young woman waving at her joyfully.

"Tarla! What are you doing here?"

"Checking on you. Oooooh! There you are, little one! Can I take her?" Belana smiled warmly as she let her friend take Enja. "And Kell? Isn't he with you?"

"He says he'll be back and I am to wait for him here."

"If he returns to Coruscant his fate is sealed."

"I know." Biting her lower lip nervously the Jedi Master grabbed Tarla's shoulders gently. "What does the Council say?"

"Nothing, really. The Supreme Chancellor decided."

"And Master Jeldo?"

"Says it is Kell's affair."

"He is right. Unfortunately."

"Belana, you need to convince him to go into hiding."

"If I can," she sighed. "Can I have her back?"

Tarla wrinkled her nose. "You need a bath first. Relax. I will take care of her." She frowned suddenly. "Where is Novis?"

"I lost him."

"No!" Shaking her black curls wildly Tarla stared at her wide-eyed. "I am sorry," she added quietly. 

Somehow Belana felt very cold all of a sudden. Shivering slightly she looked down at her muddy clothes and felt tears flow down her dirt-smeared cheeks. "You are right, Tarla. I need to recover first. And then talk to Kell. Are you sure you'll be all right with Enja?"

"Certainly. By the way, Gyro is here too, in case you were wondering."

"The usual suspects," Belana countered with a small smile. "Thank you, Tarla." Hugging her carefully she tried to find her resolve again. But she was shaking inside.

An hour later, with dusk already settling over the city, Belana had slipped into a hot tub in the bungalow's own bath-house. The tub was set into the wooden floor of the small room that was now filled with steam and a very soothing warmth. Tarla had prepared the bath expertly, adding herbs and oils that gave off a faint, fragrant smell. It was a small island of peace and relaxation in the middle of a very personal crisis and Belana tried hard to hang on to that small spark of hope. A small noise made her look up from her broodings and the cold gust of wind told her that someone had just opened the door. But she could not sense anyone. A movement in the white steam caught her attention and she quietly prepared to defend herself. When Kell emerged from the gloom though she relaxed immediately. He sat down on his haunches next to the tub, a tired smile on his face. They just looked at each other for a while before Belana broke the silence.

"What happened back there?" she asked quietly. Instead of answering he wiped a strand of hair from her forehead. Belana resolved to wait.

"I grew up in the swamps," he said at last, surprising her. She hesitated, but realized that maybe this matter might best be approached from a different angle. 

"Really? But the settlements are down in the plains."

"Now, yes," he answered with a smile. "But we were not civilized. And the best game could be found in the swamps."

"Do you have fond memories of that time?" He so seldomnly talked about his past. Maybe she should seize this opportunity. It might be the last one she got. 

His face twisted into a wry grimace. "Mostly. But," and here he looked her straight in the eye, "I have never been as happy as during the time I have spent with you and Enja. You taught me so much, Belana."

Belana could not fight her impatience any longer. "Kell, please! What is going on?"

"I had to put a few things clear."

"What things?"

He sighed. "I have broken a promise, Belana, a very important one. Do you remember Alderaan? I gave up the Force back then for two reasons. One was you." He smiled at her. "As for the other.... I realized that if I continued the way I had been going then I would always be hunted, a most exclusive prey. But nothing more."

"So you took the risk of being executed by the Jedi. You trusted me with your life." Saying it so openly now intimidated Belana with the graveness of his decision. She looked at him, perched above her gracefully, and there was something about him that had her awed even. 

"You know that I do not give up easily. Therefore all these games I played with the Council."

"But now you know better?"

"Yes. When I first bonded with the Force I gave myself up to fulfill my duties as Cor'dan, to protect and to mediate, but, as you know, I never finished my training. Back on Alderaan I chose to give up the Force, and with it my responsibility. It could not last. Then, when I lay dying on Deyer I selfishly decided that my life was more important than my bond to the Force. I used the Dark Side to reestablish it, acting incredibly selfish. That was wrong. So I was summoned here to state my case."

"Who summoned you?"

"The Force."

"What?"

"Part of it. The part I gave up when joining the flow. I explained it to you before that I was, am part of the Force in a sense the Jedi are not. Unfortunately that means that it does respond to changes in my personality."

Belana stared. "You can influence the Force?"

"Only the part that is me."

"Then that part must be awfully powerful, if it managed to stage this whole farce on Ordesha."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He smiled at her and suddenly Belana found her heart clenched in cold dread. Touching her face again Kell shook his head slowly. "Call it precaution. But once you pledge yourself to knowledge and balance you are being disarmed. This way the tool that is created cannot turn deadly."

"You mean the Force creates the Cor'dan as a tool, but at the same time takes his greatest power from him?"

"Not all Cor'dan were Force-sensitive. In fact, this only changed when the Jedi began conquering the Sith."

"Then what happens now?"

He sighed deeply. "Belana, I cannot change my destiny, but I do not want to lose you either."

"Then what do we do?" she whispered, her voice broken. 

Kell lowered his head to press a kiss on her forehead, "What we must. I am sorry, Belana."

"So you are going to leave?" They both knew that she did not mean that he should hide.

"I have no other choice. That way I can at least put things straight for the Jedi."

"You would sacrifice yourself for them?" The tears were flowing freely now. "What about me? What about Enja?"

"Belana, I must consider the consequences of my actions."

"But what about Enja? She needs her father!"

"I know. I will not abandon you again."

"Are you serious?"

"I am Cor'dan, Belana, I am always serious," he told her with a smile. 

"Lord Kell, I would advise you not to return to Coruscant."

Looking at Gyro blankly Kell tried to get his mind back in the here and now. The young Jedi Knight was watching him anxiously. "And why is that so?"

"If you return you will die."

"You think I do not know that?" Putting on his boots he sighed. "Gyro, this is politics. If I want to redeem the reputation of both Jedi and Sith I will have to make that sacrifice. As Master Jeldo has told me often enough, the former Sith look to me as an example. And unfortunately the public looks to the Jedi for justice. The Council has indeed been very lenient so far, but this time they cannot afford it."

"You accept that?"

"I have no other choice but to accept it." 

"But you have a family now!"

"I can just hear the answer to that argument in the court, you know? 'Your victims also had families. You did not care. You killed them all.' See? Apart from breaking my promise and attacking Teeko they can now add genocide to the charges. Devastating, don't you think?"

"How can you stay so calm?"

"You think I should panic? I won't, Gyro. I can handle this."

"Lord Kell-"

Straightening from his seat Kell gave the young man a warm smile. "I appreciate your concern, Gyro, but it will not change my decision. Now, if you would excuse me? I want to talk to Belana."

She sat on the veranda, holding Enja in her lap and watching the clouds pass overhead. It was so peaceful now, so different from yesterday's events. Turning her head Belana smiled at her lover when he stepped out into the open and bent down to pat the baby-girl's tiny head with a smile. The Jedi Master lifted her eyebrows at his new attire though. Instead of the usual black he wore dark brown pants and a high-colored coat the color of dark-green moss. Surprisingly enough it did not look like a disguise on him. Not at all. Belana also noticed that he had shed the armor. 

"Are you getting respectable now?" she quibbed and reached out to hold his hand. Kell laughed and squeezed her hand affectionately.

"You wish! No, this is just a symbolic gesture. To show that I am merely mortal and that I am not better than the common people." He shrugged. "Politics."

"Clever, that. But I still don't like your decision." She drew him closer and kissed his lips tenderly. "Please, think about it once more. I do not want to watch you die," she told him quietly.

"Then stay away," he replied coldly and straightened again, Turning his back on her he folded his arms across his chest. "Belana, from what I know Master Diriwa had this planned for quite some time. She has me pegged down neatly."

"What if we tell the Council?"

"They would only have my word as proof and we both know for how much that counts."

"Kell, we cannot let her get away with it."

"Of course not. And she won't, I promise. We are going to leave for Coruscant tomorrow. That leaves us another day together."

"How thoughtful of you." Belana frowned at his back. Was he really going to follow through with this? If so, he had changed more than she had anticipated. What had happened to his never giving up? Rising from her seat she held the baby close to her body and stepped over to join his side. She leaned her head against his shoulder tiredly. "I am missing you already," she admitted.

"Well, we have some time. Let's make the most of it."

It was two hours later. Returning from the bathhouse Belana stopped to lean in the doorway. She looked down at the man lying asleep on the bed, his long hair under attack from Enja again. The little girl was burying into the black mane gleefully, tugging here and there, but careful not to wake her father up. Belana walked over and lowered herself on the bed, trying not to disturb either of them. But Enja turned her head abruptly and gave her a startled look. She shone so brightly in the Force, a star next to her father's darkness. Belana bent down to kiss the baby's forehead tenderly.

"Hello, little one," she whispered. Enja answered with a giggle and extended her small arms toward her. Taking her cue Belana held her up and rubbed her nose against hers, smiling. Moving across the bed carefully she snuggled up to Kell, hugging Enja to her bosom gently. The baby's blue eyes were turning green already. She would be a mixture of her parents, with Belana's dark brown hair and her father's pale complexion. She would be beautiful. Tapping her nose playfully Belana made Enja laugh again. Suddenly an arm slipped around her waist and she smiled at the low sigh that rose from behind her.

"Are you awake?" she asked quietly.

"Not quite," came the muzzy answer.

"I fear that Enja is not as tired as you are."

"You think she'll be a bad girl and keep us awake?"

"I fear so."

A shiver ran down her spine when Kell kissed the nape of her neck. "Then we'll have to change that, won't we?" he said, his voice chiming with laughter. Propping himself up on one elbow he reached out over Belana's flank to stroke the baby's head with his free hand. "All right then, Enja. Let's see how you like this."

When he started to hum a silent tune Belana felt tears fill her eyes all of a sudden. The lullaby made her think of many things, good and bad times, but mostly it simply took her heart and breath away. She could not understand the words, but that did not matter at all. There were so many layers to the melody that were enhanced by Kell's magical voice, wrapping her in harmony and peace. It was not long before Enja closed her eyes and fell asleep, but Belana fought hard to keep awake. When the last note had died away in a whisper the silence that followed filled with a light so strong that it made her gasp with joy.

"Sleep now, my love," she heard him say softly. But Belana shook her head. 

So they just lay there awake, letting time run by. Outside the light was fading already as dusk fell over Ordesha. 

Tarla was carrying Enja in her arms, but not even the baby's presence could make her dark mood go away. Upon their arrival at the Jedi Temple Belana had asked her to take care of Enja while they met with the Jedi Council. Now Tarla was glumly stalking toward her quarters, unsure of whether she should be angry at Belana for not having been included in their little group or being happy that she would not have to be there with them. One thing was for sure. It would not be a pretty discussion. Tarla felt tears brim her eyes. She had done everythoing in her power to save Kell, even though she did not even like him that much. But Belana had always been a friend to her, like a sister even.

"Tarla!"

Turning her head she smiled at Master Zerkan shyly. Why was he not with the Council?

"Master, what happened? I would have expected you to be part of the meeting."

He shrugged. "I am not on the Council, Tarla. So why should I attend?" Smiling at the baby Zerkan nodded. "No, I will have to wait ,just as you do. And while we do, I want you to tell me everything that has happened on Ordesha."

"Novis is dead," was the first thing that came to her mind.

"Oh." Zerkan frowned. "That is indeed a loss."

Twenty minutes later Tarla, seated in one of the small chairs in her apartment with Zerkan occupying the other, was finishing her tale, and Enja had fallen asleep in her lap. The Jedi Master was staring at his hands pensively. 

"Then you share Belana's suspicion concerning Master Diriwa?" he asked at last.

"Yes," she answered, but she knew that he expected more of her. "But it does not change a thing, does it?"

He sighed deeply. "We should be forgiving and Master Diriwa has been blinded by righteousness. This is exacly what Lord Kell has been fighting against. To just see one point of view."

"The Chancellor said this is a political move."

"She tries to take the responsibility from us. She means well, I know, but she is making this too easy for us. You have seen it, Tarla, despite what Kell did to Teeko, most of the Jedi here felt with him. And that is the dilemma. In our hearts we have forgiven him, but reason dictates our actions."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Reason is very necessary to survive in a community. And especially in cases such as this one."

"Then why are you telling me all this?" Tarla frowned angrily. If he had been trying to soothe her he had failed miserably.

"So that you learn, Tarla. Always keep in mind that there is more than you can see at first glance. You cannot trust your senses alone, or your heart, or reason. Weigh them against each other to find a solution. I do not believe that Lord Kell would have survived if he had not followed this rule from the beginning."

"But he'll die now."

Zerkan gave her a quick smile. "Nothing is spoken yet."

Standing before the Council again Roj Kell felt strangely calm. Belana had taken her place among the twelve beings assembled here to decide his fate. He could see that it had cost her, but now determination was returning to her spirit once more. She tried not to look at him too pleadingly, kept her features cool and composed instead. But her dark eyes mirrored her feelings undisguised. Finally Master Jeldo rose from his seat slowly, his giant head bent with sorrow. He heaved a deep, rumbling sigh before he spoke.

"I must admit that I had hoped you would not return. This was perhaps one of the hardest discussions this assembly had to hold, but it was very necessary. Now, let us hear your point."

"My point?" Kell replied, slightly taken aback. "You will not tell me what you have spoken of first?"

"That is not customary."

"And the Council was not complete," Belana explained quietly.

"Yes, that too," the Ho'Din conceded. "We are all aware of the charges. First, what started all this was your attack on an apprentice and subsequently inflicting grave injuries on that child. We are all agreed that you could have taken other measures to protect your daughter than an outright attack. What you seemed to lack there was self-control. Second, you promised not to act against our wishes again, but you broke that promise within two days of giving it. We recognize that the situation required quick action though, still the fact remains, and is another evidence to said lack of control. The third charge, of which we have learned only now, dates back so far that I hesitate to accept it. Maybe you could explain to us what happened back then?

Holding his breath for a heart-beat Kell let his mind wander back in time to recapture his feelings when he had learned of his people's destruction. He closed his eyes briefly, then answered with a slight edge to his voice that he did not care to hide. "It was the second year of my Jer'fra when I was informed of what I had known would happen. My mother's clan was attacked and annihilated by the Jedi. I suspect that they thought them some sort of enclave of Dark Jedi. What remains though is the fact that they killed innocent people. My mother had had a premonition of things to come, but she did nothing to prevent it."

"Why do you think that was so?"

He swallowed hard, for this was a question he had been asking himself over and over again, and the answer had not pleased him at all. "She knew that they could not survive in the long run, not without adopting technology like the worlds around us had. If they remained as untouched by progress as they had for millennia, they would perish for sure if their neighbors decided to expand their territory. My people would become slaves or else would die out due to mixing with other peoples. It was a naturally plotted course. That they would die at the hands of the Jedi was included in that calculation, even though it was just one of many options."

"Then your people's demise was seen as inevitable?"

"Yes. Still, I did not understand how that excuses this sort of genocide, especially if it was exectuted by the supposedly compassionate Jedi."

"It does not excuse it. But I notice that you did not exact your revenge on the Jedi," Jeldo commented quietly.

"No. I started training under my master shortly after I had buried my clan. There was no time for tracking down those who had destroyed them."

"So you did not make any real effort at finding the guilty party. Instead you decided to annihilate Ordesha's population much later," Belana concluded, her voice sounding very calm. Turning his head Kell gave her a long look, then nodded.

"Yes. I decided that this sort of revenge would be much sweeter and would hurt the Jedi more than if I had gone up against them on my own and died trying to avenge my people."

Belana winced visibly. "Sith training," she spat. "Kell, you had been guided by the rules of survival previously. Is vengeance part of survival?"

"It is not. I understood that my mother had been given no choice in the matter."

"We are agreed that the Jedi acted irresponsibly, but we must also consider that they were at war," Master Diriwa explained. "There might have been some confusion, and when you tell me that your father was a Dark Jedi, and if your mother was anything like you, I suspect that their mistaking your people for Sith, I mean Dark Jedi, is plausible."

Again it was Belana who took the lead. "It is out of question that the Jedi were wrong, but Kell's reaction is still inexcusable. How were the Jedi supposed to know that they were being punished and for what?"

Kell stared at her, unblinking. Her dark eyes were hard and cold, returning his gaze unflinching. "It was wrong," he said at last. 

"Master Jen, what you are saying then is that this was not an act of vengeance, but in fact calculated evil?" Master Jeldo asked. "Is that it?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I think. We know from our own experiences that Kell is a master at this sort of cruelty." She sighed. "Was, I should say. After all, he prevented a renewed disaster on Ordesha, and the last time he played his games with us he managed to end the war with the Sith. So we have proof that he has changed. The problem is, that this change does not affect his methods. That is what makes this discussion so difficult."

"But we need to come to a conclusion," Diriwa put in. "We owe it to the people."

Master Jeldo, who had taken his seat again throughout the exchange, rose again. "Very well. We know the facts, all of them, from past and present. We cannot predict the future, but we can use our insight to plot a course. I ask every one of you to meditate on this. We will meet again tonight to come to a decision." 

The assembly straightened from their seats and most gave Kell sad or critical glances. Belana stepped over to wrap her arms around him. "That was hard," she whispered.

"But good. I am very pleased by your insight."

"Are you? Even if it condemns you?"

"Especially then. You are such an exceptional woman, do you know that? How you handle this is magnificent."

"Shut up," she told him, but he could sense her pride. Smiling, he pressed her closer and kissed her forehead. 

"You are doing well, Belana," he said quietly. "You are a good councillor."

"I wish I weren't."

Belana turned her head suddenly and disengaged from his embrace quickly. "Supreme Chancellor,"

she breathed. "This is indeed a surprise."

"Is it?" the Forshan asked. "I could hardly stand back in this matter. Lord Kell, could I speak to you?"

"Certainly."

Belana watched them go with a heavy heart. What would she tell him? She could sense Jeldo come up from behind her. Whirling around Belana shook her head vehemently. "Don't. Please. I do not want to talk just now." With that she made for the door as fast as she could manage. She met Tarla half-way to her quarters.

"How did it go?" the young woman asked anxiously.

"Bad. As expected. The Supreme Chancellor is talking to Kell right now. Do you have any idea what that might be about?"

Tarla shook her head. "No. Sorry."

"Is Enja asleep?" Belana asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Yes. I'll leave you two alone for a while, right? See you later."

The Jedi Master smiled at her friend's back solemnly. Tarla was growing up, no doubt about that. Walking up to her apartment she paused in front of the door, remembering all the times she had stood there, exhausted, elated, excited, worried or simply desperate. But she had managed to push that door open every time and carried on with her life. She would manage this too. Opening the door she went inside and closed it behind her once more. It was quiet and the air was cool, with just a hint of dust motes and the fragrant smell of fresh flowers. Outside the afternoon sun was painting everything in a warm light. Belana walked over to the bedroom, where Enja was deep in slumber. Dropping down next to the baby's crib the Jedi Master found the strength to smile again. "You are such a sweet thing," she said and pressed a kiss on each of Enja's rosy cheeks. Then, laying her head on the edge of the crib, she started to cry. It took her a few moments to realize that Enja had woken up. Staring at her mother out of big eyes the little girl reached out clumsily to touch her face. Belana laughed at her daughter's attempt at consoling her and took her out of her bed to hold her in her arms. "Promise you will never leave me," Belana whispered, but the certain knowledge that this was far too much to ask made her heart clench with deep loneliness. One day her daughter would be grown, would have her own life, her own worries. But that was a long way to go yet. 

Suddenly the feeling of utter betrayal and pain tore through her mind and she almost fainted at the strength of the emotion. Enja started crying pitifully. Hugging her daughter closer Belana rose quickly, unsure of what to do. She had no idea what had happened, but she could be certain that Kell had been involved. Her worry rose to a storm of bleak despair. What was going on? "Kell!" she screamed. Anyone, she added to herself, sensing the tears return once more. Finally her mind flooded with resignation and she sat down on her bed, her shoulders slumped in defeat. It was some time later that she heard the door open and close. Raising her head she met Kell's gaze. He was leaning in the doorway regarding her calmly, but she was not sure if he was aware of her looking back at him. Walking over to her slowly, as if in a dream, he bent down to kiss her lips. 

"What is it?" she managed at last. 

He gave her a wry smile. "A little argument."

"A little? It felt more like a disaster to me."

Kell patted Enja's head absent-mindedly. "Yes, it is that too."

"So?"

Taking a seat at her side he reclined to lie on his back. "Well. Before I left for Ordesha the Chancellor told me that if I ever crossed her again the least I could hope for was a quick death. The worst, exile."

"Exile? But she knows you would not tolerate that."

"Yes. Apparently Master Jeldo has made a request to her, one she even considered."

"What request?" In the pit of her stomach Belana could feel hope struggle with despair.

"He asked her to have me exiled. That way, he reasoned, everyone would be content, but if they did it well, you would have been able to visit. We could have been together."

"And now she has rejected that proposition?"

He huffed a mirthless laugh. "Can you imagine me when she told me about that clever little plan, how grateful I was, that we might be able to combine my penance with your being close to me?"

"But that wouldn't have been any punishment, would it?" Belana said quietly.

"As it is she might have agreed. But she is under a lot of pressure from various groups. They want to forget about the amnesty and return to the old times."

"Jedi?"

"No, strangely not. Fact is though that a sacrifice is needed. I had included that possibility in my calculation, as you know, but I was hoping for something less final."

"So you already have been convicted?"

"Yes, I guess."

"But the Council hasn't decided yet!"

He turned his head to squint up at her. "How would you decide?"

Belana closed her eyes and sighed. With everything she knew, with all that was at stake she still knew her answer perfectly well, although everything in her rebelled against it. In the eyes of the law he was certainly guilty, even though Belana would probably forgive him absolutely anything. Her heart cried out in pain at her own resolve, but the Jedi Master knew that it was inevitable, if she wanted the Jedi to survive the way they were now. They could still be compassionate, but sometimes compassion was very hard to deal with. It would not be injustice, not even to the Force, and certainly not to Kell. He was a survivor, but he had done anything in his power to ensure that Belana could live her life unmolested without accusations, without discrimination. For if he did not make that sacrifice, the people would be quick to point to the Jedi if anything went wrong. And in the deepest depths of her heart Belana knew that the Order was not up to that. It needed someone far stronger, far more ruthless to weather such a situation. If they had to walk that path the Jedi would be forced to take full responsibility. They would rise from guardians to leaders, to rulers, even. That was exactly what people were afraid of, especially now that some former Sith were among the Jedi. Belana was certain that the Supreme Chancellor knew all that. Therefore her decision. That way the Jedi would be able to rebuild their reputation, could start anew, without Kell's cold logic tearing them apart. They all recognized his wisdom. But apparently this galaxy had moved beyond wisdom. Belana hoped dearly that it would regain that knowledge and understanding someday. Hopefully soon. 

Tarla felt her heart sink when she heard the verdict the same evening. Although she had expected it, she had still clung to her own hopes of forgiveness and compassion. Standing at her side Gyro wore an earnest expression. The most devastating thing, Tarla thought, was the fact that the decision had been unanimous. Which meant that Belana had voted guilty for her lover. In a way the young Jedi was deeply disappointed in her friend, even though she also understood her move. This was all so damn complicated! She clenched her hands into tight fists. 

"Relax," Gyro whispered and lay a hand over her shoulders.

"Are you mad? How could I?"

"Do you have another choice?" he shot back coldly. 

That sobered her up immediately. "No," came her reply. "I guess I don't. But that does not mean that I am happy about this. There have to be changes, don't you see? This is so unfair!"

"Tarla," he exclaimed, surprised, "a year ago you would have gladly seen him die. You have really grown. I am impressed."

Elbowing him in the side Tarla smiled grimly. "There will be changes," she whispered. "Any way I can make them."

"Not any way," Gyro admonished her softly. 

She sighed. "You are right. I will become a Jedi Knight first. Then I will see about making changes."

He felt his throat tighten with deepest regret as his eyes locked with hers. Belana was standing tall, determination painted across her face like a mask to hide the pain he was feeling so clearly. Their bond was still strong, maybe it had grown even deeper now. At his side Zerkan nodded slowly and lay a hand on his shoulder. Kell gave the Jedi a startled look, but then he again became aware of the all too quiet crowd, the mutual feeling of sadness and resignation that filled the Council Chamber to bursting. Nodding once Roj Kell went down on one knee to bow toward the Council in acceptance of the sentence. A hushed whisper ran through the assembly at his unusual move. He did not hear it. Concentrating, he closed his eyes and turned his thoughts inward, focusing on the task ahead. But in the back of his mind Belana was a roaring fire of desperate loving and hurt. Suddenly her presence vanished and Kell's eyes snapped open to see her rush out of the room and vanish. Unable to breathe the Sith swallowed down his disappointment. But then, he could not really have excpected her to watch his execution, could he? 

Raising his head again he sought Zerkan's gaze. It was not the creed of the Jedi to take life. On the contrary. And it was not Kell's creed to kill senselessly either. And even though he was a survivor he knew when to make a sacrifice too. He had done so before, hadn't he? Turning around he followed Zerkan slowly. Why the Council had chosen the Jedi Master to escort him to the gate of the Temple was beyond Kell. Of course, Zerkan had been one of the Jedi who had assisted in his capture four years ago on Dantooine, and he was a confidant of Belana. But he was also a friend, for Force's sake! His despair must have shown on his face, since Zerkan bent over slightly to murmur some reassuring words he did not feel himself. The sentence was spoken, but the execution of said sentence would not fall to the Jedi. Since this was a very serious verdict the Supreme Chancellor would have to validify it too. Taking a deep breath he pressed his lips together tightly. For whatever might be awaiting him he was ready....

"We understand your decision, of course," Master Jeldo told her wrily and Belana nodded once.

"Thank you. I do not harbor any hard feelings against you, as you know. But I cannot stay any longer."

"You are always welcome to the Jedi Temple, Master Jen."

She felt tears in her eyes again, but fought them down valiantly. She still could not believe that Kell was gone, even though two days had passed already. Two days she had spent in a trance, not wanting to let her grief come too close. She had not even had had a chance to say good-bye properly. The body had been cremated, she had been told. There would be no funeral. Just thinking about it brought the pain back like a roaring fire. 

"Thank you," she said again and bowed slightly. Turning around she started walking away when she heard the Ho'Din say:

"Master Diriwa, there is something we need to discuss..."

The door closed behind her and she smiled faintly. Diriwa would be asked to retire from the Council and if she was any judge Zerkan would take her place. Maybe there truly was some hope left. Belana returned to her quarters slowly, taking each step acutely aware of the fact that tomorrow all of this would be no more than a memory. As she passed the corridor leading up to the turbo lift that would take her up to the Masters' quarters, Belana stopped at one of the windows. Leaning her forehead against the transparisteel she looked out over the park, letting her gaze wander toward the mountains. 

It was such a breath-taking vista, full of hidden mysteries and undisguised beauty. Her smile deepened. Life went on. And if she had learned one thing it was how to survive.

****

Epilogue

Returning from the village Belana paused in the doorway. She turned around with a sigh and watched the sky darken. In the distance a thunderstorm was approaching, and the wind was racing through the tall grass of the plains, burying into the long, slender stalks like a predator on the hunt. Night was falling quickly at this time of the year and already she could hear the far-away calls of the avians populating the swamps. To the North the mountains rose into the clouds proud and unafraid. When the first raindrops started to fall she retreated into the small house she called her own and closed the door against the advancing storm. Belana had not told anyone where she was going, but she suspected that her friends could guess easily where she had vanished to. Emphasa Lona had welcomed her warmly, even though he could not understand, but Belana felt that Ordesha was were Enja should grow up, just like her father had.

As if wakened by her thoughts the baby started stirring in the sling Belana had wrapped around her torso. Smacking her lips in half-conscious slumber the little girl tried to wriggle free of the cloth. It had been a week since they had arrived on the planet and already people seemed to have forgotten about the resentments they had harbored against the Jedi not so long ago. Belana saw this as some sort of atonement for what had happened here. She carried the baby into her bedroom and placed her in her crib gently. Enja heaved a deep sigh. Smiling down at her daughter Belana felt more at ease. She would not be alone and she had something to do to keep her mind off the more unpleasant memories. And yet, everything seemed to remind her of her lover. Stepping out of the room and to the window next to the main door she looked out over the plains once more. The house was perched on a hillside and it boasted a huge garden and a hidden pathway into the swamps. But the plains reminded her of Dantooine, where she had first met Roj Kell. She could see him standing on the top of the hill again, a challenge in his eyes that went out to life itself. Back then she had not been able to see beyond his arrogance and cruelty. Well, that had definitely changed over time.

Sudden laughter startled her out of her reverie. 

"Enja?"

She could hear her little girl squeal in delight. Hurrying over to the bedroom Belana felt her heart stop. Enja was spinning through thin air, giggling even harder as she tried to catch her father's hands that always seemed out of reach. Seated on the bed he was smiling up at her, his pale eyes sparkling with joy. When he caught Belana's shocked expression he laughed and let the baby drop into his waiting arms. Their eyes met for what seemed to be an eternity. Shaking her head in disbelief Belana crossed her arms in front of her chest and leaned her right shoulder against the door-frame.

"Bastard," she hissed, at the same time furious and relieved. Kell laughed again.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me, but apparently you are not. So I am just going to leave again..."

"Don't you dare!" Crossing the distance between them she grabbed his head in both hands and shook it. "Are you mad? To scare me like that! I thought you were dead!"

"Well. Some people might argue that I never really was alive," he answered with a shrug.

"They are wrong." Belana sighed and closed her eyes. She could feel the soft strands of black hair wrapped around her wrists and when she leaned her forehead against his she reveled in the cool touch of his skin against hers. "What happened?"

He could feel her relax, felt her grief evaporate in the heat of her love and he knew that there was nothing that could ever drive him away from her again. Wrapping an arm around her waist he drew her next to him on the bed and kissed her deeply, ignoring Enja's busy little hands trying to tear his hair out. 

"They said the body was burned," she said breathlessly. "Who-?"

"Noone important," he mumbled inbetween kissing her once more. But then Belana pushed him away, her expression very serious. 

"Why did you not tell me what you had planned?"

"I did not have a plan, that was the problem. I simply took my chances."

"Do you think the Council knows."

"They might suspect something...," he answered with a smile.

"What about your punishment?"

He shrugged. "I guess that will have to wait."

"You always get away, don't you? Not that I mind."

"Are you sure you don't mind?"

She hesitated a bit. "Well, theoretically I know that you are not a very good person, but I guess we can work on that."

"You are a real guardian, Belana," he teased her. 

"Am I? Then I guess I get to pick your punishment for being such an unbelievable prankster."

"I am at your mercy."

Belana smiled and raised her eyebrows meaningfully. "Good," she purred, making him shiver with a sudden feeling of desire and delicious anticipation. "Then I declare that you will never leave my side again. That you will teach your daughter how to be a seeker of truth."

"A what?"

She stubbed his nose playfully. "That's what you are, isn't it? I am the one to guard and defend against evil and you are the one who sees the things the way they truly are. And you tell others, whether they want to hear it or not."

"Sounds difficult," he mused.

"It is. That's why you always get into trouble."

His eyes widened in mock surprise. "You know, you may be right! I have never thought about it that way. Seriously," he caressed her left cheek tenderly, "don't you like that sort of trouble?"

"Seriously? No, I would prefer something less heart-breaking." 

A deafening thunder-clap rattled the small house. Kell laughed. "See? I knew that was a lie!" he exclaimed and barely managed to get out of Belana's reach before she threw herself at him. Unfortunately that move also dropped him from the bed. Lying on her stomach she smiled down at him, her dark eyes full of light and warmth. At her side Enja seemed slightly startled by the thunder and on the verge of crying. Belana gave her a mournful look, then wrapped her little baby in her arms. Looking at them Kell felt his heart sing with joy. Both his, and that forever. What more did he need? Smiling deeply he sat on the floor, watching Belana murmur soothing words into her daughter's ears and lulling her back into sleep again. She was so beautiful, with her dark hair and liquid eyes. Suddenly she looked up, her gaze meeting his again and her luminous smile took his breath away. 

"I love you," he whispered.

"And don't you forget that again," Belana laughed softly and leaned forward to meet his lips. 

****

The End

  


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